Deanna Lorraine | Dating, Relationship & Life Coach

The new movie “The Five-Year Engagement,” starring Jason Segel and Emily Blunt, demonstrates the ups, downs, thrills and frustrations that occur in every engagement. But how frequent is this scenario with real-life couples, and how can they successfully navigate the engagement period for a happily-ever-after ending of their own? (Full Article below video)


Most women assume that once their man proposes, they are “safe” and it’ll be smooth sailing from then on out until the wedding and beyond… But being in the relationship industry for years, I have to tell you the cold truth – that just because a man puts a ring on a girl’s finger, that does not actually guarantee that a marriage will happen! A lot can actually come between a couple and a wedding.

Most women don’t know this, but there are also many things a woman can do to actually PRO-LONG the engagement, or cause the man to have second thoughts about her and break it off altogether!

Here are some of the most common pitfalls that can happen that can prolong an engagement:

• Too much, Too soon! Women who go full-force into professional “Wedding Planner” mode immediately after her man proposes. A lot of otherwise cool & level-headed women have a tendency to be so excited after getting the ring that they suddenly throw all these plans & ideas & wedding fantasies at their man, come home with armfuls of bridal magazines & drag him out everywhere to show off your ring and engagement like a kid in a candy store. But this can really freak a guy out and the change can be too sudden for him. Men need some time to ease into the different phases of a relationship and especially into the reality of the engagement, as well as recover from the monumental decision, stress and financial drain that he has just undergone with his proposal. If you don’t show your appreciation by giving him some time to rest, if you become too demanding & nutty at this point, the man may rethink his proposal.

• Attack of the “Bridezilla!” Formerly normal, “sane” women who suddenly turn into emotional Bridezillas after the man proposes. On a related note, women often don’t know how to manage all that pressure and stress of the planning process very well and will often start exhibiting very unattractive behaviors, like taking their stress out on their man, arguing and nagging him a lot, obsessing over the wedding date and all of the details, and letting the sex decline, which makes the man start re-thinking the wedding. He starts thinking, “Who is this wedding obsessed, Bridal-Magazine-reading woman and where is the girl I used to just have fun with on Friday night?” A lot of women unknowingly make a man feel like she is more focused on “getting the ring” and having the perfect wedding than on the man she is marrying and what the real purpose of the wedding is really about. Men start to feel like they were just duped into “filling a slot” in her master plan.

• Make Love, not War! Fights & Disagreements often break out over wedding details & expenses. They may disagree over everything from the reception venue to the color of the flowers to the cost of the caterer and other fees. This can cause a lot of tension between a couple leading up to the wedding and lead to serious doubts & cold feet, at a time where they should be excited and blissfully in love with each other.

• Money Money Money! We do live in some hard times right now, and a man’s career or financial situation can definitely be a cause for a hold-up. If a Man’s career is in a transitional stage, or if it is super hectic & time-consuming, then he may not want to have a wedding until things settle down some or get more stable for him. And if a man is experiencing some financial woes, as much as he may want to give his girl her dream wedding, every time she excitedly drops words like “caterer” or “flower arrangements” or “DJ” or “reception hall,” all he can hear are dollar signs going cha-ching! cha-ching! cha-cha-ching! $ off in his head. And that can be very daunting for a guy – enough to prolooong the wedding quite a bit.

• Incompatibilities: Couples may also discover incompatibilities & opposing values that they hadn’t known about before, such as one partner wanting children and the other partner realizing that they don’t, differing ideas about domestic roles, career goals, or money.

• Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties may also provoke a problem in the engagement! This is an issue that is often overlooked by the bride and groom-to-be, because it is so often seen as just a mandatory ritual before the wedding. But if gone about the wrong way, they could lead to a lot of hurt or arguing. In order to avoid any potential fights over these parties, just take my advice – make sure you both agree on the rules and boundaries of your individual parties, don’t lie about anything, keep it clean and classy and don’t do anything that could be remotely construed as cheating! Is it really worth it??

How long is normal & healthy to be engaged?

Normal healthy time to be engaged is about a year to a year-and-a-half. When you surpass a year and a half, the chances of the wedding actually happening goes down a bit, and when you surpass 2 years, the chances of a wedding actually happening tend to decrease pretty significantly!

If it’s a long engagement, why might the man be delaying the wedding or getting cold feet?

If it’s a long engagement, the guy is usually dragging his feet because deep down he is afraid of getting married, or he isn’t 100% sure about his fiance. A lot of guys get pressured into proposing, by his girl or his family or friends, or feel like they’ve been dating their girl so long that he “has to” propose to her for fear of losing her, but his heart wasn’t fully in it. Then proposing to her does buy him some more time, but then with the process of planning the wedding, etc. his doubts start creeping in again and he may drag out the engagement process a lot longer. A man may also be dragging his feet if his financial or job situation is a little shaky at the time, and he wants to be more financially stable before having the wedding.

My advice for taking an engagement that’s been dragging and getting your happy ending out of it?

In order to take an engagement that’s been dragging on to move forward toward your “happily ever after,” my advice is to set up a nice long relaxing dinner or an overnight getaway for just you and your man. Because of all the tension and pressure that’s been building up with the planning process, you and your man especially need a little break to just reconnect, have fun again and remember the real reason that the wedding is all about. If your man has been dragging it out, remind him of the wonderful and fun-loving girl that he proposed to.

So during your dinner and overnight, make sure you are laughing, connecting, and having a great time, and then together you should just knock out all the pending decisions that need to be made that’s been stalling the wedding process, and choose a date that works for both of you and that is going to add the last amount of stress to both of your lives. Be willing to make some compromises over the details or the date if you need to. Don’t leave the dinner or vacation until that spark is back and you’re both in great, loving spirits again. That way you can get back on the same page again and move forward with the process, feeling connected and passionate about going through with the wedding and having your happily ever after.