Man, this just seems like it must be ‘Breakup Week’ or something! I turn on the news and first it’s Courtney Cox announcing her split with her longtime husband David Arquette (I loved them together!), then it’s Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman. And in the same week, I’ve got several good friends that are going through a challenging break-up as well. Well I sure hope this phase ends soon, and I know how touch break-ups can be. It’s never an easy thing for anyone, be it a celebrity or ‘average’ person. But, here are some steps to help you with the process and make getting over your ex and starting the next chapter of your life as smooth and successful as possible. (See video and written steps BELOW!)

1.      DO Take 2-3 weeks of Just Grieving & “Pity-Party Time.” BUT – Set a Deadline!

Okay guys and girls, fresh after the breakup is your time to throw yourself that pity party. Order those buckets of Ben & Jerry’s,  take out Chinese food, and indulge in everything greasy and chocolaty that you want – everything that just makes you feel GOOD and lifts your spirit in the moment. Stay in and paint your nails, drink beers, watch re-runs of Seinfeld or Sex and the City.

This is the period that you want to just pamper yourself, “cry it all out,” get angry if you need to, listen to “I will Survive”  on repeat, but really get all your feelings out about your ex and the break-up. You need this period to fully vent and close the chapter on your ex and move on.

BUT… give yourself a deadline. You need to give yourself a deadline for this ‘grieving period’ so that you know, “On this day, I am DONE. The grieving and sadness is over!” And you are ready so start the next chapter and close our that last. Mark it on your calendar so your mind registers that you’re done “being sad” and mopey on that date, which helps you to effectively move on. You should give yourself about 2-3 weeks for this period, but make it no more than a month after your break-up. Then, stick to it!

2.       Keep your space from your ex!

Don’t drift into that “just friends” period (because you never really are and emotions are still strong and reeling) or even worse, “friends with benefits.” Do NOT sleep with your ex, and do not call, text, email or Facebook him/her. You need your distance in order to get over your ex and to heal properly.

If you’re in Courtney Cox’s or Christina’s situation where there’s a child involved, you may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what’s absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.

3.       Make a list of everything you’ve learned from your Break-up:

There IS a lot to be learned from your last relationship and the breakup! It’s not all bad. And unless you want to keep getting in the same relationship patterns over and over again and winding up in the same spot, you NEED to be able to analyze the relationship in a clear and objective way, and understand the learnings from it. Although I’m sure you’d love to think that your ex was just an asshold or a “B,” it takes two to tango and you need to hold the mirror up to yourself as well.

Be HONEST with yourself and make a list of:

• 1) All the things you LEARNED from the relationship, and the breakup.
  
• 2) All the POSITIVE things about your last relationship and partner, that you would like to have again in your next partner/relationship, and
  
• 3) All the NEGATIVE things about your last partner & relationship, that you DON’T want to repeat for your next relationship.
  

Then, go back to the drawing board and write out your Vision Statement for your next ideal partner that you want to manifest, bringing these things you’ve learned to your new vision.

4. Hit the Gym and Give yourself a Makeover

It’s time to put away the ice cream and movies now, and start fighting back…with your new & improved, stronger and wiser self. After a few weeks of self-indulging and staying at home, you should be sick of that now and ready to put you’re your life back in action. And the best way to get yourself back in action and feeling as confident as ever than beautifying your appearance and getting yourself HOT.

There is no sweeter revenge than looking hot and slim and even more beautiful after a break-up. So, now is the time to lose that goal weight if you’ve been trying to. Go on a shopping spree and get yourself some sexy, date-ready outfits. Get your hair freshly cut, colored and styled, and if you’re a woman or your gay, get your nails and make-up professionally done. You will feel GREAT after your little make-over.

5.       Get back in Touch with Yourself: Remember YOU – before you were a couple?

Its time to get back in touch with YOU again. Make a list of all the interests and activities and things you enjoyed doing pre-relationship. Also make a list of NEW things you can start doing and adding to your life now. It’s important to begin making your life feel full and FUN again, and give yourself plenty of opportunities to meet new people and have plans for the weekends. Take up classes, join interests groups or clubs, take on some new hobbies or take a lesson in something.

6. Get OUT of your house now, and socialize!

Time to get back in touch with OTHERs now too. Make new friends, rekindle or strengthen current friendships, and get back out in the social scene again. Atend social events, join groups and clubs, and get OUT of your house a few nights a week to get comfortable getting out on the scene again and hanging out with friends.

7. Start Dating!

Once you’re done with the grieving period and have gotten back in touch with YOU again, I would start working your way back in the dating scene and getting your mind open to the possibilities of love again. Put a profile up on some dating sites and open your eyes more while you’re out, (lift off that “I’m in a relationship – don’t approach me” shield!) so you can renew hope that there is an abundance of GREAT  single people out there and you will soon find love again.

8.       Date a lot – But don’t rush right into another serious Relationship!

With your improved look and confidence and social life, you should Start lining up dates for yourself and have fun dating again. And with your sharper sense of what you want in your next partner, you should be able to figure out within a few dates whether someone is right for you or not so you will waste less time. But when you’re fresh out of a break-up, it’s best to date a lot and enjoy the process, but avoid diving right back into another serious committed relationship, at least for a good 6 months or so. You may have the temptation to get into another relationship with the first decent person you find to replace the void of your ex, but resist it – you need more time to single and develop your life, and you also don’t want to make a bad decision just out of loneliness.

Please leave your comments below!

3 Things to do to Get you Approached More!

(These are MUST-Do’s in Bars, Clubs, Coffee shops – Anywhere!)

1. SMILE!

Act like you’re having fun when you’re out and in the presence of men, and especially when around a man you’re interested in. This may sound like a no-brainer to some of you, but believe me, there is a reason why I put this at #1 and it’s because the majority of women don’t even do this one simple act when they’re in the presence of men or in a public venue. You MUST be smiling. Smile, act confident, make eye-contact and gaze at him (on and off), and keep your arms open or to your side (but not crossed).

Women often don’t realize that when they are feeling scared, nervous or out of their comfort zone, they often look angry or irritated and completely unapproachable. And guess what? When you’re not smiling and not looking approachable, guess what? Men will conclude that you’re “unapproachable” and – surprise – not approach you.

They’ll look to other women who look friendlier and more open. Relax and fake friendliness and confidence, even if you don’t feel it. Only then will he consider approaching you. Talk and laugh with your friends, laugh into your cell phone with a friend, even smile if you are reading (so he’ll wonder why). You want to send the message that you are fun and have an awesome life full of wonderful friends that he might like to be a part of.

Don’t sit or stand there with a flat look on your face “looking cool” or waiting for him to approach you. Again, he’ll think you’re unapproachable or cold.

And believe you me, men have their own little system for determining whether a girl is worth it to approach or not. They are observing you before you even notice them and realize it, because they are evaluating whether or not the odds are in their favor of having a positive approach, if they muster up the courage to do it. They don’t want to get shot down and risk looking like a fool. So, they look at the following factors:

1) Your physical appearance,

2) Whether you’re smiling and look friendly, and

3) How you treat OTHER guys!

Yes, this last one is a very important one, albeit unknown to many women. If you get approached by other guys that you are NOT interested in, or other guys try to chat you up that you aren’t interested in, but you’re mean to them or diss them or don’t give them the time of day, Guess what? The guys that you WOULD be interested in that are waiting in the wings deciding if they’re going to approach you are not?  You just lost your chance with them.

They see that, and determine that you’re a biotch and must not want to talk to any guys, or you have a boyfriend… so they’ll walk away and set their sites on a different girl who has a better attitude and a smile, and who they conclude they’ll have “better odds” with.

So the moral here is, there may always be a man watching you, and it may just be the man of your dreams – so always be friendly, nice and respectful to ALL guys who approach and talk to you, even if he’s a whale or nerd and you’re totally not interested in him.

You can still be polite and politely tell him that you’re not interested, but thank you – rather than coldly shooting him down. Because not only is this just better man-Karma for you all around if you’re nice and friendly to everyone, but you’ll be getting approached a lot more by men you ARE interested in. So wipe that scowl off your face and mind your Ps & Qs!

2). Act “Available.”

Project Open & Available Body Language. Give him several “Windows of opportunities,” as I like to call them, to approach you. Be approachable, not only in attitude, but literally.

Men don’t want to (and often will not) come over to you and your girlfriends when you’re huddled together in a group. And especially will not if there are some male friends lingering around the group as well – (How are men supposed to know if those guys are your boyfriends, husbands, or what??)

The risk of rejection is very high for them in those situations and over the years they’ve built up a resistance toward walking over to you and your girlfriends, especially when the guy is solo. So when you see a guy you like, you must be able to break away from your friends and give him that chance to come over to you.

It’s kind of like code for “okay, I’m making it easier for you, come get me now.” So when you’re out with your friends, family, or whatever… find a reason to move about the venue ALONE.

For example – you can casually walk past him to go get a drink from the bar by yourself, or “go to the bathroom” and take the long way to the bathroom (a route that is in his peripheral vision), break away from the group, pretend you have to take a call and walk outside, but whatever you do when you break away, you want to smile and look over at him as you do…

Make sure you hold his eye contact for a second, and when you do, he will usually get your “window of opportunity” that you’re giving him. Also when you walk past him, you’ll want to look your best of course, keep your head high & confident and walk with a bit of a sexy, feminine ‘strut’. At that point, he should take the cue to come over to you.

If he doesn’t, you could try one more time, just to make sure. You have nothing to lose anyway, but in the event that he just didn’t see you the first time, then you won’t have any regrets. (NOTE – you want to be subtly ‘available,’ but not ‘desperate’ though – there’s a difference.)

Or another little trick that I use that works almost every time, is nonchalantly walk by him and innocently “bump” into him lightly, then look up at him and say, “Oh I’m sorry about that,” in a playful way and with a big smile, lots of eye contact and a playful look on your face. When he turns around, if he says “Hi” or anything else or tries to continue the conversation, stay and keep talking! Ask him what his name is or tell him he looks familiar (“Hey, were you at Kelly’s BBQ a few weekends ago?” – works great.) Or point to his drink and say, “Oh that looks interesting, what is that?” And that could help get the conversation going too.(God if I were a guy I’d be such a sleaze, Lol)

If you’ve tried a few attempts and you’re being smiley and cute and he’s not taking the bait, then you can try one last attempt just to make sure you’ve covered your bases in case he is just ultra-shy, and then confidently walk away.

If a guy is single, and you pull this move, and he’s remotely interested, he will more than likely take the cues and try to continue talking to you. He’ll feel lucky that a cool girl just literally ‘bumped into him’ and will want to take advantage of that. But if he doesn’t respond, then he probably either has a girlfriend already or just thinks you aren’t his type for whatever reason, which is fine because not everyone is everyone’s cup of tea, at which point you just walk away and move on to another person. That’s a very easy, no-brainer move that works, so try it out!

Remember, you need to put yourself out on the line a little bit in order to get approached by guys, in order to get lots of dates, and in order to get BIG rewards. You can’t leave it all up to men to scope you out, talk to you, ask you out, etc. They need a little help, they need you to throw some bait out at them.

The girls who get the most guys and dates all the time are the girls who are great at throwing out bait, lots of smiles and eye-contacts, “bumps” and friendliness, and they are the girls who catch a heck of a lot of guys. By throwing out bait, l you’ve got to accept the fact that not everyone is going to take it all of the time there’s going to be some guys that won’t.

But you’ve got to be able to deal with that fact with an upbeat, win-win attitude of “Oh well, I’ll just move onto another guy” rather than letting it get you down and depressed. It’s a numbers game, and the more bait you throw out there, the more fish you’re going to catch. That’s just a fact. If you’re not willing to put yourself out there at all, you’re going to go home a loser every time and not have any return. You’ll never regret doing something. But you’ll always regret NOT doing something. Every guy in the room, or anywhere you go, could potentially be your Mr. Right!

3. Make good Eye Contact!

This is SO important. How is a guy to come over to you or even be motivated to want to, if you’re not even making eye contact with him!

When you notice a guy looking at you, look back at him. Make eye contact with him and hold his gaze for a second. Then look away for a few seconds, and look at him again. Do NOT look away or look down when you see a guy is looking at you (unless you’re totally uninterested in him).

Do not get flustered or embarrassed if a guy is looking at you. Confidently hold his gaze, and look back at him. And as you’re doing so, it helps to visualize yourself shooting a surge of positive, sexy energy from your eyes to his; Like a beam of light.

Thinking this will actually do just that, and you’ll be exuding a positive, sexy energy and a sparkle in your eyes that will lure him to come and talk to you. Practice this visualization. It works.

Cheers and Good Luck ladies!

Love, DeAnna

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DeAnna’s Power Attraction Summit for Men: Mastering the Art of Attracting, Dating & Seducing Women is an intensive weekend training seminar for men, limited to only 8 men maximum, in order to get the maximum experience and one-on-one support from myself. Reserve your seat to this exclusive course, they will go fast!

Details

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~ Seminar Agenda ~

Day 1: Friday: 4pm-7pm

“Mindset Shift Day”

Introduction & Overview of what’s to come for the weekend

Part I. Lies & Myths about Women: Breaking your Beliefs

Adopting the Mindset of a true Alpha Male

Day 2: Saturday: 10AM – 5PM

~ Refreshments & light Snacks included ~

Part II: Developing & Solidifying Total Core Confidence and “Inner Game”

–      ~ Confidence, Self-Image, Identity, Self Improvement

Part III: Developing & Strengthening Your “Outer Game” (Romantic Market Value):

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~ Refreshments & light Snacks included ~

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Reserve your Spot! Weekend Seminar $549.00