Reader’s Dating Dilemma of the Week! NEW

Reader Dating Dilemma of the Week: Frustrations with Approaching Women!

Dear Ms. Lorraine,
I’m writing to you because I’m seriously upset and discouraged with the lack of results I’m getting with women and my failures in approaching women. I have been working on getting better at approaching women by trying to say hello to just about every woman I come across, even if their back is to me in some cases.
An incident today sent me over the edge and makes me just want to throw in the towel & just accept my fate of loneliness. So, as I was in line at a take-out place on my way home from work, I made eye contact with the woman that was last in line before she turned her back to me. As she turned her back, I said hello to her. She initially didn’t respond, so I said hello again. She then turned around and said hello.

As I waited in line, the woman in front of me was with the women being waited on at the cash register. During this time the woman waiting at the cash register and the woman in front of me began making eye contact but not saying anything. They began snickering, so I’m assuming it was about me. They had a small boy with them (he had sunglasses on), but I don’t think they were laughing at him.

This has really affected my confidence, and I was feeling pretty good up to that point. I’m depressed about it, and can’t seem to quit dwelling on the situation. Maybe I need wait on this approaching thing until I get in shape or something. I just feel bad about myself right now.

-Tom, 38

DeAnna’s Answer…

Dear Tom,

First of all, I’m really glad that you’ve been taking action on this problem and actively going out and talking to people. That’s where it all starts – with talking to EVERYONE, no matter who they are. As for as what happened, I’m sorry that you feel bad about that and you decided to let that get you down. But in actuality, I consider that a non-incident. First of all, you have no evidence that the lady was even snickering at you to begin with, so to come to that assumption with no evidence is hasty and false, and worse, to let that hasty conclusion with no merit to it bring your self-esteem down and halt the rest of your efforts – is ludicrous! Why are you giving this stranger that you don’t even know and you’ll never see again so much power to affect you?  Aren’t you more powerful and in control of your state you’re your confidence than that?  And aside from that, let’s just say she was in fact snickering at you, perhaps because you said hello twice to her when her back was turned to you, and perhaps she wasn’t in a mood for small-talking or what not…. do you really care? What about if you just laughed to yourself and found it funny instead, patting yourself on the back for trying something new and stepping outside your comfort zone, brushing it off and moving right along to someone else? The fact that you even talked to someone when you wouldn’t have before is an accomplishment; THAT’S what I want you to focus on, these small continuous accomplishments  -  NOT on the actual outcomes. Because there is NO such thing as ‘failure’ my friend –only feedback! You MUST remember this and live this out, because it’s true. LET GO of the outcome and whatever a woman’s reaction is and understand that you’re going to have a heck of a lot more of those along the way, but they’ll get fewer and fewer the more you do and the positive interactions will get  more and more frequent the more approaches you do. It’s called “LEARNING.”

Do you think if you learned to snowboard for the first time you might fall a few times before you could go down the hill? Ummm… yes. You fall DOZENS of times. Just like with EVERY single sport and EVERY new skill and thing that you learn and have ever learned! Did you ever fall a couple times when you first learned to, I don’t know, WALK? Didn’t you fall over a couple of times when you first learned to ride a bike? What would happen if the very first time you fell when learning to ride your bike, you threw a fit, got all depressed, kicked all your gear off and gave up on the whole damn sport simply because you fell once? You’d never learn for one. And for two, you have proven to yourself, time and time again, that your brain is fully capable of learning a new skill. All beings learn. Even clams and plants have a learning curve. The only reason why some people learn a new skill faster than others is because they practice more. That’s all it is.

That also explains why you see every day average looking or even downright unattractive men walking around with beautiful girlfriends or are able to what seems like ‘effortlessly’ approach and charm women. Believe me, they were not somehow born knowing how to do that. Well, most aren’t anyway. It’s only the result of a decision that they made that they wouldn’t let their appearances be a limitation for them anymore and, and the result of practice – doing it over and over again, each time learning from the ‘feedback’ they get and improving and improving each time till they can achieve their desired outcome nearly every time.

And do you think it would make any difference at all if you ‘waited till you were in better shape’ and then tried again a year later? No! because you still have to get through the learning phase regardless, no matter what kind of shape you’re in, and that will always take some falling down; that part’s inevitable and there’s no getting around that. One can never get from A to C without first crossing through B. But you CAN control your attitude through it and the way you deal with the inevitable fallings. If you just have fun with it and laugh when you fall down, learn from the feedback, and try it again you’re going to succeed, accelerate the process, and have a far more enjoyable and positive experience along the way, but if every time you fall you get all depressed and bent out of shape and let it affect your mood and confidence, you’re  going to make it a heck of a lot harder on yourself, you’ll slow down the process and you’ll have a negative & un-enjoyable experience along the way. So why make it harder on yourself David, why not just have fun with it and take each new encounter as another story for the books?

But In order to get over the initial hurt and ‘sting’ of being turned down, you have to face it head on and go through it a number of times, as each time  stings less and less until its completely gone and it doesn’t even phase you. Just like when you work out and use muscles that you haven’t in a while you get sore afterward, but after your muscles and body gets used to the routine, you’re no longer sore after your workout. Well this is the same exact thing! All you have to do is simply pass through this short little beginning stage and then you’re out on the other side – happy and confident, successful with women, and able to approach and attract women easily and effortlessly.

Don’t stop now at this little bump in the road when you’re doing so well, keep going ahead!!

And if you need more help, sign up for my Men’s 90-Day Coaching Plan and we’ll eliminate your approaching issue in less than a few weeks

~DeAnna

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

DeAnna Decodes Men & Women’s Secret VALENTINES Language!

Join the forum discussion on this post! - (1) Posts

12 Hidden Truths about Valentine’s Day EXPOSED: Mens VS. Womens Valentine’s Experience!

By Dating Coach DeAnna Lorraine

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Want to know what women and men are REALLY thinking, wishing and wanting when it comes to the big day?? Since I “hear it all”  from BOTH sexes, I’ve put together a handy survival guide that decodes common Valentine’s Day phrases and behaviors from girls and guys so you can really know what’s up this year and pass any hidden traps your with flying colors!

#1. It’s known to women as the ‘barometer’ of the relationship. Anything you do and say is a TEST and will reveal how you really feel about her and the relationship. Proceed cautiously and beware of danger traps!

#2. She’s secretly hoping that this is the time you will “prove” your true feelings to her. (Through grandiose romantic overtures, small black boxes with sparkly things inside, serenades and ridiculous displays of red roses.)

#3. It’s a major unspoken competition among women and their friends since the beginning of time – over who’s got the biggest rock, the prettiest roses, the most glamorous dinner, and most romantic (i.e. ‘generous’) boyfriend or husband. You’d better out-do Tony and Joe and make sure she WINS! If your girlfriend loses, YOU lose. And onto the sofa-bed you go.

(Side-note: She says, “Omigosh Sweetie, did you hear what Jessica’s boyfriend got her for Valentine’s?? How sweet!” = This is Code for: “Omigosh Sweetie, Did you see what you now have to do/buy for me so that I can do better than Jessica?? Listen up!”

---

#4. She’s looking at how you sign the card – “From?” “Love” or “Best”? “Yours Truly?”  She IS waiting to rip the card open! Write wisely.

#5. She says, “Oh honey, whatever we do is fine. I’ll be happy with anything.” = A Trap! Don’t fall prey to this, oh naïve men.

Interpret as, “You’d better know me well enough to know exactly what I want and plan the most elaborate dinner and Valentine’s evening every or ELSE….” (“or else” = ‘rewards’ taken away.)

---

#6. All girls secretly want jewelry on Valentine’s Day– period.

All men secretly want sex on Valentine’s Day – period.

---

#7. Most women will hold off on dumping a guy till after Valentine’s Day so they can see can see what kind of a gift and dinner they get.

Most guys will dump a girl before Valentine’s Day so they won’t have to get them dinner or a gift.

---

#8. Sorry, Ladies. Your man isn’t making a mad dash to the flower shop to show you how much he cares. The real reason he just dropped $400 on a dozen roses is because he enjoys the comfort of his bed and has no desire to sleep on the couch. They do it because they’re SCARED of what’s going to happen to them if they DON’T.

---

#9. Woman receiving Jewelry = “He loves me. He cares!”

Man giving Jewelry = “I’m hoping I’ll get a 3-way tonight.”

---

#10. The more expensive and ridiculous the display of roses, teddy bears, or flowers, and the more people are around to see it, the happier she’ll be. She wants to show off the biggest thing possible to as many people as possible.

---

#11. Post-Valentine’s Day, Woman’s thoughts: “I wish Valentines Day was every day…”

Post-Valentine’s Day, Man’s thoughts: “I emptied my bank account on Valentine’s Day, and all I got was this lousy stuffed animal.”

---

And Truth #12…   If you FORGET the V-day = Forget the V-Jay-Jay.

---

Share your Comments below!

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

Join the Valentines “Blog Crawl,” Feb. 8th – 14th!

Join the forum discussion on this post! - (1) Posts

Join me & other Dating Experts on a Valentine’s Day “Blog Crawl” Starting Monday, February 8^th

Discover How to Celebrate Valentine’s Day Single-Style and Dating Tips to Find Love!

(February 6, 2010) Better than a bar crawl, the first ever Valentine’s Day “Blog Crawl” raises awareness (instead of money) for the positive aspects of celebrating Valentine’s Day as a single adult. While this holiday often causes single women everywhere to cringe, the Blog Crawl has been created to shift that reaction to a more upbeat outlook.

Beginning Monday, February 8^th, guest bloggers from some of the Internet’s most popular sites, will be sharing their insights to help single women enjoy a day that is traditionally for couples, and offer advice for finding the love they want.

Unite with countless single readers to take in this virtual tour of the web’s best dating experts. Featured guest bloggers include:

Monday, 2/8: The Dating Goddess (www.DatingGoddess.com) who has one of the top-ranked dating advice sites and has published more than a dozen books about dating in the Adventures of Delicious Dating after 40 book series.

Tuesday, 2/9: Alyssa Johnson, MSW, LCSW, of www.RemarriageSuccess.com helps divorced parents move into new relationships and successful step families, and is the author of over 250 published articles and 4 books, with an active counseling practice.

Wednesday, 2/10: Laurie Davis is the founder of eFlirt Expert and co-host of the weekly web show, LoveNation. She helps singles market themselves to become successful daters, is the current NY Tech Dating Examiner and a contributing writer for The Guyds.

Thursday, 2/11: SingleMomSeeking.com is one of the best dating bloggers specializes in being a parent while looking for love (about.com Guide to Dating) and author of Single Mom Seeking: Play Dates, Blind Dates, and Other Dispatches from the Dating World.

Friday, 2/12: Terry Hernon MacDonald, expert dating blogger at www.HappyGirlMusing.com is the author of the hot selling ebook, How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.

Saturday, 2/13: DeAnna Lorraine, innovative Dating and Relationship Coach and NLP Practitioner, helps clients transform their love life to succeed with the opposite sex at www.DeAnnaLorraine.com

Sunday, 2/14: Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, The Dating Coach has helped over 2,000 singles to successfully jump start or accelerate their search for love. She is also a speaker, workshop leader, author of MANifesting Mr. Right and founder of www.NeverTooLate.biz.

Guest bloggers have been selected for their specific expertise to inform, inspire, and motivate singles to enjoy what is normally the most dreaded retail holiday of the year. In addition, single women, whether divorced, widowed or never married can learn from the sage dating wisdom these experts share.

Ronnie Ann Ryan, creator of the Valentine’s Day Blog-a-thon said, “This is a ground-breaking opportunity for single women to rethink their reaction to Valentine’s Day and transform the holiday experience into something enjoyable and positive.”

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

Valentines Day: Pro or Anti? Share YOUR Views!

Join the forum discussion on this post! - (1) Posts

So Valentines Day is right around the corner and fast approaching…Obviously.  “Love” is in the air… What are the general sentiments of everyone? Of course I’m doing lots of promotional stuff for Valentines Day, and there’s cards and teddy bears and enormous red heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and roses everywhere you look, but what’s the real meaning behind Valentines Day?

Is it just an excuse for Hallmark and other card and teddy bear distributors to make a crap-load of money and buy themselves new houses and vacations once a year? Is it really a holiday that brings two people closer, or does it actually create lots of unrealistically high expectations and disappointed girlfriends across the nation?

And what about single people, are they just supposed to be excluded from the whole holiday and made to feel depressed because they are spending it alone? Is Valentines Day out-dated on the whole? Well my thoughts are that Valentines Day is, for the most part, an out-dated Holiday that puts a lot of pressure on the person you are dating – but really, its mostly the guy with all the pressure, with women usually having all these preconceived  all high hopes and expectations in her head of what she hopes her guy does, that he needs to live up to (yet he doesn’t even know what they are! And if he falls short, or his surprises were off-base, or if God forbid one of her girlfriends gets an even BETTER Valentines celebration from her man, then it all goes down the tubes and both parties are left disappointing, not closer.

On another note, there shouldn’t be just ONE day of the year where you appreciate and romance your partner – romance and appreciation should come every day of the year! And how much more exciting are roses or a surprise gift when you get them on a random day in the year, not just on the one day of the year that everyone is ’supposed’ to get them?

But on the other hand, if we were to do away with Valentines Day altogether… I might be a bit sad in all honesty. If the man I was dating told me he didn’t want to celebrate Valentines Day, I think I might miss those singing candy grams and chocolates and all that red and pink love-dovey stuff…. What do you think?

Ok, your turn: I want to hear YOUR thoughts, opinions, rants and/or Raves one way or the other of Valentines Day. And strong opinions always encouraged! And if you’re a total ‘Romance Rebel,’ tell me why. Also, anyone who does alternatives to Valentines Day, or celebrates it in a unique OR rebellious way, whether you’re single or in a relationship, share with us! Let’s get the discussion going!

POST your comments down BELOW!

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

DeAnna on “LifeGasms” Radio Show’s Love Panel Feb. 2!

DeAnna will be on the Talk Radio Show LifeGasms for a very special Valentine’s love episode, on Tuesday, February 2nd at 9am PST, 12pm EST! DeAnna will be part of the ‘Love Panel,’ along with several other nationally-known industry experts, discussing lots of different hot topics relating to love, dating, sex, romance and more. Tune in for this entertaining and very informative show!

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

The #1 Romance Resolution you need to make!

Join the forum discussion on this post! - (1) Posts

The Most Important New Year’s Resolution for your Relationship!

The Most Important New Year’s Resolution you need to make that will Transform your Relationship this Year

Most people who know or follow me know that I am very open about my family life growing up, the divorces I went through as a child and my mother’s three marriages, and how all those events and experiences have cultivated my gift of understanding relationships and led me to create my career as a Dating & Relationship Coach.  My experiences have inspired many blogs and articles about how to create successful and lasting relationships and prevent relationship failure, and there will of course be many still to come. But if I can sum up all the factors that make the difference between a happy, healthy relationship that succeeds and lasts, and one that fizzles and fails, I would say that one of the biggest secrets by far is… ROMANCE. Making Romance a priority, and keeping it alive – amidst kids, careers, and no matter how crazy your lives and schedules are. Listen to me when I tell you to NEVER underestimate the significance and power of romance.

So, the MOST IMPORTANT New Year’s resolution I want you guys to make this year – and really stick to – is the resolution to put effort into the romance of your relationship. A relationship needs romance to not only survive, but to thrive. Romance is the fuel for the fire of your relationship!

Romance is what brought you guys together and what inspired you to marry. If your relationship is in trouble, is stagnating, or isn’t quite what it could be or what it used to be, then ask yourself how the romance is currently in your relationship…and the answer will dictate where the problem lies.

Putting effort into romance means dressing up frequently for your partner and putting EFFORT into your appearance. What do you look like when your partner comes home from work? Ask yourself honestly; have you let yourself go since marrying or committing to your partner? Have you put on weight, stopped dressing up or stopped putting effort into your hair or appearance? Have you gotten too comfortable with your partner; stopped shaving, putting face masks on in front of them, going to the bathroom in front of them?

You want your partner to roll over in the morning and look at you and be THANKFUL that they choose YOU, every…single… day! You don’t want them to think, “Geez, I didn’t expect her/him to look like THIS after a few years,” or have regrets because you look different than when you first married. Your partner was initially attracted to you because you looked a certain way. If you look different now than when you did when they first met you, then you can’t expect them to feel the same level of attraction towards you. If you’ve put on weight since the beginning of the relationship, make a commitment to start losing it and getting back into shape. Turn back into the woman (or man) that they first fell in love with!

Putting effort into romance means creating excitement and stimulation in the relationship! It can be so easy to slip into a routine and fall into predictability. So it is your RESPONSIBILITY to keep the relationship EXCITING for both of you. What are you currently doing to create excitement?

SURPRISE your partner with random gifts and notes and things, such as leaving a random rose on their windshield before they leave for work, or put chocolate kisses in their pocket or purse. Create anticipation and sexual tension by exchanging sexy test messages or emails throughout the day. Greet your partner in high-heels and lingerie and their favorite beverage when they arrive home. Create and act out fantasies with your partner. Try having sex in a position or a new place other than your bed for Pete’s sake.

A relationship needs ongoing sexual stimulation in order to sustain the attraction, and men especially need a high level of novelty and fantasy in their relationship or else their attraction begins to fade with their wife or girlfriend and their eyes start looking elsewhere. So ladies, it is especially crucial that you constantly maintain this and keep them stimulated! If you don’t put effort into keeping things fresh and novel, you are likely to drift into feeling like you’re roommates rather than lovers.

Putting effort into the romance also means making TIME for the romance and making it a priority. Let me make a correction, I mean making it one of your very TOP priorities, right up there with finances and children… Not one that you shuffle down to the bottom of the list whenever something else pops up. You NEED to make your romance a necessity, a priority.

You can’t expect a flower to live and grow unless you nurture and care for it every day. You have to nurture your romance every day – not just when you have time, or once a week. No matter how busy you get, spend at least 30 minutes a day connecting alone. If that means closing th3e bedroom doors when the kids are home, do it. Kiss your partner – like you mean it – at least once a day. Better yet, put aside at least 10 minutes of ‘Make-Out Time’ every day, and stick to it. Don’t go through the day without looking in your partners eyes and genuinely connecting. Really think about who that person is that you’re looking at, and why you love them so much. Who is this person that you’re living with? Who is this person that’s such a big part of your life? You need to remind yourself and each other each day why you chose each other and why you love each other or your connection will gradually begin fading and you’ll wake up one day and feel like you’re living with a stranger. Connect and feel your partner’s energy every day.

So please, if there’s one New Year’s resolution that you make and stick to this year of 2010, please, please make me happy and let me sleep at night by making a solemn promise to make romance a priority in your relationship or marriage. Make the resolution to put daily effort into the romance of your relationship this year – no excuses. And by the end of next year, I want you to report back to me and tell me what happens. I guarantee you will have a transformed relationship and you will be thanking me – and yourself- for doing it!

**Need any help, Coaching or Ideas for rejuvenating the romance and novelty in your relationship or marriage? Contact me to inquire about my custom Relationship or Marriage Coaching for couples, or better yet sign up for my 2-Day Relationship Breakthrough Sessions which are designed to transform, strengthen and Rejuvenate your relationship or marriage or SAVE a relationship that’s in trouble or stagnating!

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

Sign up for my 45-Day Dating Challenge!

Join the forum discussion on this post! - (1) Posts

Are you sick of being Single and frustrated with your lack of progress?

Tired of dating the wrong people & repeating the same dating mistakes?

Are you determined to make THIS the year you finally make the change and be the NEXT one of your friends to head down the aisle?

Are you READY to jump-start the new year of 2010 with a dramatically improved love life and possibly even a Relationship by Valentine’s Day?

Then, I challenge you to sign up for my “45-Day Dating Challenge,” and you will transform your love life by Valentines Day!

Only 2 Days left to register for The Challenge, and limited spots available (only 8 total)! First Day of ‘class’ is Tuesday, January 5th at 6:30pm-7:30pm PST.

I dare you to Grab the bull by the horns and take CONTROL of your life and love life this year! Finally Break through those roadblocks, break OUT of your single rut and overcome those issues that have been keeping you “stuck” once and for all – let THIS be the year that you finally get the LOVE (and life) you really want! Achieve those goals and make those personal changes that you know you need to make that will make the DIFFERENCE in your life and love life. No more excuses – get it right this year. Make it HAPPEN. Participate in my exclusive 45-Day Jump-Start your Dating Success Challenge – and I am confident that you will spend this Valentines Day with someone special! Sign up NOW →

WHO: Calling all motivated singles (between the ages of 21 and 60) who are frustrated, distressed or otherwise READY to make a change and be actively dating by Valentines Day! You will get the rare opportunity to be coached personally by me for 6 WEEKS at a severely reduced price that you won’t be able to get again. I am taking on only 8 people maximum to enroll in this fun and transformative 6-week Dating & Self-Improvement ‘Challenge.’ Read more

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

YOUR Dating Resolutions for 2010!

Join the forum discussion on this post! - (1) Posts

Ah, It’s a New Year. And at the risk of sounding cliche, it’s time for a new and improved You. The theme is personal growth and positive change. If you’re single, I can bet that you probably have done things this past year in your dating life that just didn’t work. You probably dating some people that were wrong for you and made some mistakes that you don’t want to repeat. But we all know that if you’re not where you want to be, you need to figure out what’s not working and change it if you want different results. As the saying goes, “If you’ve done what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” Or in other words, they say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So now, as you begin on a nice, clean slate in the new year, resolve to let THIS be the year you finally make the right changes once and for all and find the love that you’re looking for. Based on top lessons from clients I’ve observed throughout the year and the things I’ve found to be the biggest reasons for singles getting stuck in a rut and not finding success in their dating life, I’ve compiled a list of 10 resolutions for you to make in your dating life that if you stick to them and live out, will make the difference in your dating life and rapidly accelerate your search for finding and attracting The One. So make these resolutions this year, and notice the different results you get. I want a full report people!

1. Get ACTIVE, and Put yourself OUT there! Stop making excuses for yourself to not truly put yourself out there. Just like anything that you’ve gotten in your life, getting the relationship you want or an active dating life takes you getting out of your house, going OUT there, and putting time, effort and commitment into it every week, a little bit a day. And whatever excuses you have that’s preventing you from fully putting yourself out there, do whatever you need to do to eliminate them as roadblocks now. If it’s that extra weight you’ve got that’s hindering your confidence or holding you back, then put an action plan into place to shed those pounds beginning now. If it’s lack of confidence or dating or attraction skills that are keeping you in your comfort zone, seek out the resources or advice you’re looking for and acquire the skills, so it isn’t a problem anymore. (By the way, many of those roadblocks can be easily eliminated with Hypnosis. Hypnosis is extremely effective at quickly and permanently resolve common issues such as: Weight loss, Quitting Smoking, Improving Self-Confidence, Eliminating Anxiety, Increasing Motivation, and others. For rapid results I recommend starting the new year off with a Hypnosis session or package of 3 to eliminate all those issues that have held you back once and for all so you can finally achieve your relationship! The 90-Day Love Attraction Coaching Plan includes Hypnosis. Contact me for details.) So starting January 1^st, get off your butt. No more excuses.
   

1. Change your Mindset toward Dating. Make Dating FUN! Stop focusing on all the lack of available men, women and opportunities there are and start focusing on all the abundance of great singles there are – and you’ll attract more of it. Don’t dwell on how frustrating dating is or think of dating like a chore and instead think of dating as a fun ADVENTURE, where anything can happen along the way! Relax and enjoy the journey, start doing things you enjoy and it will BE more enjoyable for you. Adopt the mindset that I use that there  “Is NO such thing as Failure -  only Feedback!”

1. Decide what you want, make a List, and stick to it! Stop dating blindly. Don’t waste more than 3 dates on people that don’t fit your criteria. At this point, if you’re serious about finding “The One,” and you’re sick of dilly-dallying around, you need to figure out exactly what you want – as well as what you don’t want. What are your “Must-Have” criteria and requirements? What are your “Deal-Breakers?” You need to have more than just a flimsy mental list, take some time and write them out and make a list of at least 10 of these non-negotiable criteria for what you must have and won’t settle for. Then make a commitment to use these lists as your barometer that you compare all your dates to. Find out if they meet those requirements within the first 3 dates, and do not continue dating them past 3 dates if they don’t – no matter how hot, rich, or sexy they are!

1. Develop and execute a “Dating Strategy Plan” for your ideal relationship. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Never is that saying more applicable – yet underused – than in your dating life. Would you start your own business without a Business Plan? Would you travel across the country without a Roadmap? Hell no. What does YOUR Relationship Attraction Plan look like?  Based on your criteria and requirements for what you’re looking for in a partner, map out specifically where you will go, what you will do and when you will go to find and meet people that fit those criteria. What groups or clubs or activities will you sign up for? What places, events or venues will you go to during the week, and when? Map it out, create an actual plan and schedule for your weeks, and print it out and hang it up where you will see it every day.

1. Practice ASSERTIVENESS. How are you going to get what you want if you don’t know how to ask for it? Make a commitment to state your requests, stop expecting people to read your mind or instinctively know what you want. ASK for what you want – with people you’re dating, in the bedroom, and in life – and you will get what you want.

1. If you want a partner, BE a partner. You can’t expect to find and attract someone who has all these qualities that you personally do not have. In order to find the perfect partner for you, you need to make sure that YOU have all the qualities yourself that you’re looking for in a partner and are living the life that you want, or are actively working towards it.

1. Be the “CHOOSER.” Stop getting into relationships just because someone wants you really bad or aggressively pursues you. I know it can be very flattering when someone wants us and pursues us, but if you’re not really feeling them or they don’t meet your criteria, remember that YOU have the ultimate choice and YOU need to choose them. Just because someone chooses you doesn’t mean you have to choose them.

1. FLIRT! If you want to rapidly open the floodgates and fill your pipeline up with a continuous flow of prospects, you need to master the art of flirting. Get good at flirting, Flirt often and everywhere. Smile whenever you talk to people, make lots of eye contact and be playful and teasing. Flirting creates more opportunities and allows you to capitalize on the opportunities you get.

1. Master your First Impression. First impressions MATTER. Within the first 3 seconds of a new encounter…we are judged and evaluated, and you make an indelible impression. Depending on your physical appearance and attire, you will either intrigue and attract someone, or turn them off. So if 3 seconds can determine your fate on a date, and can make or break your opportunity with someone…wouldn’t it make sense to do everything you can to control YOUR first impression, and make sure that it’s the best impression possible. You never know who you will meet and when, so dress like you’re about to meet the love of your life every date and put your best face forward. Don’t cut corners. Paying attention to the details of your first impression – like having a clean car, ironing your clothes, spritzing on fragrance or doing your make-up at home rather than rushing in the car on your way over there – will pay off.

1. Stop settling for the “BTN” Guy or Girl. You know you’re guilty of it -  the “Better Than Nothing” relationship. Heck, everyone gets lonely from time to time when they’re single; it’s inevitable. But stop getting into relationships or dating people that you know are below your criteria or aren’t right for you just because they’re “better than being alone.” It may seem like a short-term fix for you but its far worse in the long run and ends up wasting far more time and emotional energy, and it will cause you more pain than good.

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

What to get your new BF/GF for Christmas?!

Join the forum discussion on this post! - (1) Posts

Holiday Gift Giving Do’s and Don’ts for Couples

Ok, it’s Christmas time and time for the big question- what oh what to get your partner? As you’ve probably experienced at some point or another, gift-giving can be a stressful freakin’ experience, especially if you’re in a new relationship and it’s your first gift. A gift can either ’seal the deal’ or take your relationship up notch if it’s right on the money… or it can take you down and get your arm chewed off if it’s off-base. Women especially can be tricky, so I do feel for you men. But have no fear, DeAnna is here to make your Holiday a heck of a lot easier so you don’t have to find yourself running around the mall on Christmas eve sweating bullets. Whether you’ve only been dating a few weeks or it’s been a few years, here are my tips to keep in mind that’ll win them over and keep you from making embarrassing gift faux pas.

Gift-Giving Don’ts:

Top worst or most awkward gifts from Guys to their Lady: Avoid these!

1. No Vacuums, Tupperware, or appliances (especially kitchen appliances!) Even if it’s the “top of the line” model that looks all nifty.

2. No Soaps, bath soaps and body lotions (very cliche, body lotions like ‘Sweat Pea & Cucumber’ from Bath & Body Works is like token ‘last minute gift’ for a woman )

3. No clothes, swimsuits or lingerie in the early stages of dating (if you’ve only been dating her a few months, chances are you don’t know her exact tastes and measurements yet, so it’s risky to buy these items. A common faux pas is guys buying lingerie that’s either too big or too small – both are insulting!)

4. No running shoes or work out attire (so un-romantic, plus they can send the wrong message – Exhibit A: “So are you saying that I’m fat?! What are you trying to tell me??”)

5. No gift certificates! I know you’re thinking, “I’d rather just give her something that she really wants, so why don’t I just giver her a gift certificate so she can get herself the perfect gift?” But no no no, you’re thinking way too practical!  Giving us a piece of paper is a sure-fire way to make us frown and feel like you don’t care. We interpret it as = No thought, impersonal, last-minute gift, RE:  “He must not know/love/care about me!”

Top Worst gifts for Ladies to give their Guys: Avoid these…

1.    Stuffed animals (even if it’s doused in your perfume) They don’t have any “use” for them like girls do.

2.    No photo albums or scrapbooks (especially of your ‘future children’) Scares the bejesus out of most guys unless you’ve been together for a very loong time.

3.    No expensive pens or flashlights (”Gee…Thanks”)

4.    No aftershave, Electric shaver, Electric Nose-hair Trimmer or things related to shaving (where did women get the idea that this is romantic or cool? Let them buy their own shavers.)

5.    No underwear, socks or fancy Boxers. (This is just awkward – his mom is the only woman, if any, that should be buying him that)

Gift-Giving DO’s

Best gifts for Guys to Give your Woman: Woman want items that are personal, romantic, and that show possession and thought. Such as…

1.    Jewelry (it never goes out of style, it’s always a safe bet, and if you think it’s “cliche” well guess what? It’s cliche for a reason – it works! We love it! We want it!  It shows you care! )  A pendant, tennis bracelet, Tiffany’s, (But it’s a good idea to START with a bracelet or pendant, especially one that’s a birthstone, then you have other things to build up to like a diamond pendant or bracelet, and hold off on a ring unless it’s thee ring!) We want jewelry from you because every time we wear it, we think of you, and we smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside about you.

2.    Designer Perfume or Purse - like Michael Korrs, Dolce Gabana, BVULGRI). Again, even though it isn’t jewelry, it shows ‘possession’ because every time we wear it and smell it we think of you and we are “wearing” a reminder of you all the time, which makes us feel closer to you! If you want to get a gift that’s a safe bet, don’t burden yourself by frantically struggling to devise the most creative gift possible, which may or may not even work for us anyway, just go with what works and get her jewelry or perfume! Purses are more casual and less personal, but good if you want an alternate gift. Go with Coach or Louis Vuitton.

3.    Anything Creative, Romantic, Personal or Sentimental - Examples: a burned CD with your love songs on it, Scrapbook of photos, a personalized bracelet, necklace, or anything engraved or personalized, naming a star after her (if you’ve been together for a while)

4.    Fine Chocolates, Roses, cute Stuffed Animals, Almond Champagne and/or a sweet Love letter is a great small gift if you’ve just started seeing each other or perfect complimentary accent items to your main gift.

5.   A “Surprise Getaway,” or Reserving dinner and a room or romantic suite somewhere either local or away for the night.

Best Gifts for Girls to give their Man:

1.    Useful gadgets (PDA, a business card scanner, iPod, iPhone, a GPS system, etc.)

2.    Intimate or Boudour photos, Custom-made mug or Calendar starring YOU

3.    A homemade “Coupon Book” – be creative with the coupons!

4.    Sports tickets or memorabilia, Concert tickets

5.    An engraved chrome or silver flask or dog-tag

When in doubt, some quick guidelines to remember:

• For guys especially – ask around! Don’t blindly guess; if you aren’t sure about a gift or what she would like, ask her close friends or family and get their input – that’s a pretty sure-fire way to get a gift that’s on-target.

• Establish a budget range before-hand. Talk to each other and establish a budget or at least a range that you both will stay in, so that one person doesn’t end up spending way to much or too little, which could make for an embarrassing situation.

• Add the personal touches. Be sure to wrap them, wrap them yourself, and do not forget about a card! To us women, the card is a very important part of the gift, almost as important as the gift itself, that you should not skip over! (Oh and guys, that means write in the card – don’t just sign your name under the Hallmark text. Write your own note in addition.)

• If you’re going to buy clothes, be absolutely certain of their size and style. Avoid getting sizes that are way too big or small, or something they’ll never wear.

• Don’t “Re-gift” anything!

• Women = Personal, Men = Practical. A great rule of thumb for men and women’s gifts is, for women, think “Personal,” for men’s gifts, think “Practical!”

Any other questions? Just ask me!

Good Luck!

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

Why Tiger Cheated: My Analysis of Men in Power

Join the forum discussion on this post! - (2) Posts

Now that the Tiger Woods affair is officially out of the bag and I’ve gotten over my initial shock and disgust, it does shed light on some important issues of infidelity and monogamy that beg exploring further. Why did he do it, especially with such a “perfect” life and wife? The fact that he could cheat on a beautiful former model makes no woman safe, and raises questions from women like, “Well if he could cheat on HER, then men will cheat on anyone!”  Well after taking a stab on the situation myself, I’ve broken down my analysis of the reasons why Tiger, and most men, cheat on their beautiful women, in hopes that you’ll take the learning lessons from them and contemplate yourself.

1. Power & Success. The man’s level of success and power is the first major factor that’s at play here. The more powerful and successful the man is, the more attractive he is to women and the greater the abundance of women and options he has right at his fingertips. Add to that this continuous inflow of women and affection feeds their power and ego even further, so they literally become addicted to the attention, and being completely faithful to just one woman simply deprives them of that.
2. Opportunity. Opportunity is everywhere for these men in power, with beautiful women and sex being constantly thrown in their face. They may even rationalize it by thinking, “If I say yes to only 1 out of every 500 women that pushes themselves on me…That’s pretty good!”
3. Self-Sabatoge. It’s been seen time and time again with celebrities, from Britney Spears to Mel Gibson to Michael Jackson, and recognized even more clearly by relationship experts like myself – the pattern of sabotaging one area of your life when everything else is going successfully, even at it’s peak. Cheating is one of those things that is largely the manifestation of this self-sabatoge, on the more successful the person is, and the more they have to lose, unfortunately, the more often we tend to see these types of behaviors show up.
4. Boredom at home: The women that these powerful men are married to need to realize the fact that these men have such an abundance of women and opportunities all the time, so they can make sure they step up their level of excitement and variety at home. They need to be extra cautious not to fall into the trap of letting themselves get “too comfortable” and gaining weight, slipping into predictable routines, and neglecting the romance. Exhibit A:  Jennifer Anniston vs. Angelina Jolie.
5. Challenge: Men often cheat to gain some of the excitement and challenge back that they lost since entering into a monogamous relationship.  People often make the mistake of wrapping their whole worlds around their partner, expressing their love and commitment to them freely and as a result, diminishing any sense of challenge left for their partner. Even though a woman may be a celebrity and a beautiful one at that, she is still subject to this same crime and therefore prone to creating the same outcome with her man. If she loses herself in him and gives him no challenge at all, no matter how beautiful she is, he will still eventually wonder if he settled and be turned on by a woman who gives him more of a chase.

These are some of the most common reasons why men cheat, and why I personally feel like Tiger cheated. Read em, learn from ‘em…and Post your Comments and Thoughts!

Recent Comments

John Campbell
From a biological standpoint – long story short. men are hard wired to want to empregnate as many attracive young women as they can. attractive/young = healthy= they will carry their offspring and raise it so there will be tons of little john does running around. that said, humans – having evolved a little realize have a “nuclear family” is … See Morebeneficial for raising kids in a society (vs. the wild). so, for a orderly society, the man should stick around and tiger is lame. celebrities don’t live in society, so they think they are excluded from those rules. jerks, just don’t care about society.
Tue at 9:01pm · Delete

Tweet This Post!  Digg This Post!  Stumble This Post! 

Next Page »