This is an incredible experience & investment that will change your results with women, for life!

Weekend Seminar Details

In this information-packed, 3-Day course, I’m going to show you the BEST ways to meet, date, and attract women, and especially, beautiful, intelligent, high-quality women. YOU will be the one that gets her!

You’re going to learn the secrets most men will never know about women and dating… but NEED to.

And you will learn it right from the source.

I’m the woman that’s going to give you that honest, MUST-KNOW inside information into the minds of women that you have been wanting for so long and the complete female perspective that you NEED in order to truly BECOME successful with women and UNDERSTAND them and CONNECT with them.

You’re going to learn how to ‘trigger’ attraction and chemistry with women, and sustain it over time

You’re going to ELIMINATE your fear of rejection, no matter how unsuccessful you’ve been in the past

You’re going to learn to eliminate your ‘Approach Anxiety’ with my easy & proven 5-Step Easy Approaching Strategy so you’ll be able to approach any woman, anywhere.

You will truly build your CONFIDENCE from the inside-out and develop a powerful, SEXY personal identity that women cannot resist.

You’re going to learn the most dangerous mistakes men make with women and dating that land them in the ‘Friend Zone.’

I’m going to show you how to masterfully FLIRT and how to use eye-contact and body language so that women RESPOND and WANT you

You’re going to walk away with Fool-proof methods of getting a woman’s number, starting and carrying on conversations with them, piquing their interest right away, getting called back, and securing dates with them.

You’re ALSO going to learn a special, specific set of strategies & skills for how to meet and pick up women in BARS & CLUBS… And we’re going to actually go out and practice it.

You’re going to learn how to stay OUT of the dreaded ‘Friend Zone’ for good and always land in the ‘Romance Zone.’

You will ‘Unleash’ your inner ‘Alpha Male’ and strengthen your Masculine presence and the traits women seek out in a man

I’m going to show you the BEST ways to meet, date, and attract women, no matter how beautiful she is or how many other guys are wanting her. YOU will be the one that gets her!

…And more.

We will use some proven Hypnosis and NLP techniques, Role-play exercises, and other fun, powerful and proven methods of installing these skills and tools within you and transforming you into a woman-magnet from the inside-out!

It’s all in this exclusive 3-Day Course

If you have the money to take this course – DO IT! There is no excuse not to and you will thank yourself for it over and over.

And if you don’t have the money to take this course… Find it! Beg, Borrow, or Steal. I promise you this will be worth it.

If you’re in or around Southern California…. You will want to make it here.

And if you’re not… Get your butt down here!

VENUE: San Diego, CA

~ Seminar Agenda ~

Day 1: Friday: 4pm-7pm

“Mindset Shift Day”

Introduction & Overview of what’s to come for the weekend

Part I. Understanding WOMEN & The Female Mind: Women’s Psychology & Attraction 101

• Common Myths & Misconceptions about Women, and the REAL Facts

• The Fatal Dating Mistakes most men make that keep them in the “Friend Zone”

• What it is to be a “Real MAN” in the art of attracting quality women

• Adopting the Mindset of a truly Confident, Attractive, “Deliciously Date-able” Alpha Male

Day 2: Saturday: 10AM – 5PM

~ Refreshments & light Snacks included ~

Part II: Developing & Solidifying Total Core Confidence and “Inner Game”

• Together we will identify & overcome your Limiting Beliefs & “Blocks” within your “Inner Game” that have been preventing you from successfully attracting & dating women

• We will go over each of the critical components within your “Inner Game” and improve every area so that your Inner Game, Confidence, Self-Image is rock-solid and set up for you to be effortlessly attracting & dating the women that you want

Part III: Developing & Strengthening Your “Outer Game”

• Together we will identify & overcome your “Blocks” within your Physical, or “Outer Game” that have been preventing you from successfully attracting & dating women

• We will go over each of the critical components within your “Outer Game,” such as your Physical Appearance, Style & Wardrobe, Personality, Communication & Social Skills, Verbal & Non-Verbal Communication & Behaviors, Social Life, and more, and develop your entire “Package” so that you are making a powerful impression and women will instantly categorize you as a “High-Status,” Attractive, Sexy and Desirable guy that they want to sleep with and DATE! It’s all about the image that you are projecting to women, and that image will either have women instantly categorizing you as just a “Friend,” OR it will have women instantly perceiving you as a romantic and sexual interest. After we’ve improved all the major components in your “Outer Game,” you will forever change the way that women perceive you and respond to you; You will be that guy who always gets the girl and fires off their attraction triggers.
  

• We will strengthen your “Alpha Male” traits & Sexy Masculine Presence – another key shift that will allow you to attract women much more easily and effortlessly

Part IV: Mastering the APPROACH:

• Approach Mastery! Together we will have you overcoming your Approach Anxiety and eliminate any lingering fears you have about approaching, communicating with, and asking out women. You will learn my proven Approaching Strategies & easy Conversation Formulas that I teach in my private coaching programs, which will enable you to approach any woman, anytime, anywhere, and always know what to say to spark their attraction, ask them out, and get the dates! You will also be practicing these approaching & conversational strategies FIRST-HAND outside of the Seminar on Saturday NIGHT in our “Night-on-the-Town” outing, where I will personally take you guys out to some local hotspots in San Diego to help you apply everything you’ve learned and show you in action exactly how it’s done! This evening outing alone is priceless and well-worth the cost of the seminar, as the live training you’ll receive from me will help you integrate all these skills and rapidly accelerate your mastery of approaching.
  

**Saturday NIGHT: 9:30pm – Midnight: Night-on-the-Town Live Approach Training Session!

A “Field Training” Session where I will take you guys out on the town to some local Hotspots in San Diego where you will be practicing your approaching & conversational strategies FIRST-HAND in the ‘Real world.’ I will be your Wing-Girl for the night, helping you apply & practice everything you’ve learned in the areas of approaching & conversations and show you in action exactly how it’s done! This evening outing alone is priceless and well-worth the cost of the seminar, as the live training you’ll receive from me will help you integrate all these skills and rapidly accelerate your mastery of approaching.

Day 3: Sunday: 10AM – 5PM

~ Refreshments & light Snacks included ~

Part V:

• ADVANCED Approaching & Conversational Skills: We will discuss your experiences and feedback from our Night-on-the-Town, overcome common objections & obstacles to successfully approaching women, and learn additional strategies and techniques that will have you strengthening the success of your approaches, improving the quality of your conversations, and getting more Phone #s and Dates.
  

• Dating STRATEGY: You will create your personal “Dating Game Plan” which will include both online & offline strategies, methods and places for you to be easily meeting lots of women in your life and daily routine. Your Dating Game Plan will WHERE and HOW you will be meeting the kinds of women that are your type on a regular basis, and enable you to have a full “Pipeline” of women and dates!
  

Graduation

By 4pm on Sunday, You will officially be a Confident, Attractive, “Deliciously Date-able Man!

~ Tickets ~

Get your Seat now, you do NOT want to miss this incredible opportunity! Seminar seats are limited to 10 & will sell out quickly

3-Day Weekend Workshop:

Reserve your Spot Now! Weekend Seminar $1,189.00 USD Payment Plan $649.00 USD

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*Got Questions about the Seminar? CALL me at 1(866) 922-1188*

Or Send me an EMAIL, and I’ll answer them for you

]]> http://www.deannalorraine.com/attract-women-2/feed 0 http://www.deannalorraine.com/the-guys-guide-for-surviving-and-mastering-valentines-day http://www.deannalorraine.com/the-guys-guide-for-surviving-and-mastering-valentines-day#comments Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:52:00 +0000 DLorraine http://www.deannalorraine.com/?p=7760 This is a “quick and dirty” set of Tips, Do’s & Dont’s for GUYS on how to plan for the big day and What to do for their girl – A Must-Read for every guy whether you’ve just started dating a girl, or you’ve been married for years. C’mon now, would I leave you hanging?? Read on… And good luck on the big day!

• Do SOMETHING! Yes, she IS going to notice if you don’t do anything. Don’t think you’re just going to somehow slip under the radar if you pretend to ignore it. Trust me, that date has been burned in her calendar for the entire year and circled in red.

• Valentines Day is secretly known to women as the ‘barometer’ of the relationship. Anything you do is a test and your girl thinks it will reveal how you “really” feel about her and the relationship. So… Proceed cautiously! Don’t fall into any danger traps.

• Most girls will not admit this, but V-Day is really a major unspoken “competition” among women and their friends since the beginning of time – And whoever gets the best gift or surprises from their boyfriend or husband “WINS!” And will have the envy of all her friends. So you’d better be the “best man” and make sure your girl WINS by scheming up an unforgettable Valentines.

• Make sure you Plan AHEAD – Don’t wait until last minute, or even the week of. Make sure you know your work schedule, her schedule, etc. ahead of time and plan accordingly.

• Make sure to make reservations & do any booking of hotels, restaurants and activities as early in advance as possible! At least a week days in advance, but longer is ideal. Last-minute “winging” stuff does not fly on Valentines Day guys! All you’ll end up is embarrassed and starving because all restaurants & hotels will be full.

• Don’t rebel against all the “cheesy” or “cliché” romantic stuff that you see saturating the grocery store aisles… They are there for a reason, and they are “cliche” for a reason – they WORK. Women love all those frou-frou things. They bring us back to our little girl days and make us feel all special and loved inside. Cheesy, I know, but just go for the most ridiculous display of chocolates, flowers and silly teddy bears, and you’ll get a happy girl out of it.

• Make sure you actually ASK her and make specific plans with her for Valentines day or for the weekend, if you choose to celebrate it on the weekend before or after – if you aren’t clear about it, she may think you’re just trying to skip out on it and may end up finding herself another date! I know this might sound like a no-brainer or an implied invitation, but you’d be surprised… Yes, “cordially” ask her out.  (Oh just so we’re clear, it is TUESDAY, February 14th guys! Always Feb. 14th, every year…including Leap year ; )

• Send Flowers or Roses to her work – the more embarrassing, ridiculous and lavish the display, the better. 99% of all women young and old love to be sent flowers to their work (especially because she’ll feel like a loser if other girls are getting flowers and she isn’t!)

• If you really want to be unique & have her “win the competition,” send Roses to her work the day BEFORE V-Day, then a different color of roses on the actual day OF V-Day.

• PLAN the evening or weekend and make it a  surprise for her – this is all part of the seduction that she will love & be impressed by. Women love to be swept away and surprised, so take this opportunity to do so.  Do Not openly “brainstorm” with her about what she’d like to do for Valentines, or ask her what she feels like doing! Just be a man and plan it yourself.

• Do NOT get her any Gift Certificates as a gift. It’s so impersonal!

• Do NOT take her to any chain or cheap restaurants. Go somewhere ideally where she can wear a great hot dress, and somewhere she’s never been.

• Do NOT mention cost of anything, complain about the over-inflated prices, Gasp at the bill, or ask her to “chip in” for anything. I know the prices are about triple for everything just for that night and I do feel for you guys, but just handle the evening like a Man and suck it up!

• Do NOT forget “The Card!” You may think it’s trivial, but trust me – she IS going to be anticipating your card, and will be looking at How you SIGN the card – “Love” or “Best”? Etc.? Do you just sign your name under the Hallmark poetry, or do you add some personal note of your own? We girls give meaning to the card.

• Last but not least… One more thing to remember guys… “If you forget the V-Day… you can forget the V-J-J!”

Now for your Gift-Giving Guide, depending on your stage of Relationship:

1. Brand New Relationship (1-3 months): 1 Dozen Roses (or, half-Dozen Roses sent to her work/office, and bring the other half when you see her), Fine Chocolates, a cheesy stuffed animal and a nice Restaurant/Dinner out or cooked at home, & a semi-casual but sweet card, “looking forward to the future…”

1. Dating 6-12 months: Bracelet or Pendant, such as Tiffanie’s, or designer Perfume, Tasteful Lingerie. Nice Restaurant, Hotel suite; Do the Rose Petals all over the bed & in bathtub.

1. 1-2 Years: Romantic Weekend Getaway somewhere, Fancy dinner, Limo, Diamond necklace/pendant, or earrings or watch, Surprise her with something fun like have a singing Valentine Gram come to her home & serenade her, Arrive at her home with a horse-drawn carriage like Cinderella and whisk her off, or an old-Fashioned classic Car, Kidnap her, blindfold her and don’t tell her where you’re going.

1. Married: Romantic Love Letter, Burned CD, Personal Coupon Book, Scrapbook or Digital Picture Frame, professional Couples photos, Couples Massage or Spa day, Weekend Romantic Getaway (kidnap), Star named after her, Serenade a romantic song to her, or better yet, your Wedding song!

Ah, It’s another New Year. The New Year’s theme of personal growth and positive change is back around again. You may have done things this past year in your dating life that just didn’t work. You probably made some mistakes that you don’t want to repeat. But this year, decide to let THIS be the year you finally change and succeed! Based on lessons from clients and things I’ve found to be the biggest reasons for singles getting stuck in a dating rut and not finding success in their dating life, I’ve compiled a list of 10 essential resolutions for you to make in your dating life that if you truly stick to them and live out, will make a dramatic difference in your dating life and rapidly accelerate your search for finding and attracting The One. So make these resolutions this year; I want this to be the year that you fall in love!

1. Get ACTIVE. Put yourself OUT there. Stop making excuses for yourself to not truly put yourself out there. Just like anything that you’ve gotten in your life, getting the relationship you want or an active dating life takes you getting out of your house, going OUT there, and putting time, effort and commitment into it every week, a little bit a day. So starting NOW (not tomorrow!), get off your butt – and head to places that put you in exposure to the opposite sex.

1. Change your Mindset. Make Dating FUN! Stop focusing on all the lack of available men, women and opportunities there are and start focusing on all the abundance of great singles there are – and you’ll get more of it. Don’t dwell on how frustrating dating is or thinking of dating like some a chore and think of dating as a fun adventure, where anything can happen along the way. Relax and enjoy the journey, start doing things you enjoy and it will BE more enjoyable for you.
   

1. Develop and execute a “Dating Strategy Plan” for attracting your ideal relationship. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Never is that saying more applicable – yet underused – than in your dating life. Would you start your own business without a Business Plan? Would you travel across the country without a Roadmap? What does YOUR Relationship Attraction Plan look like?  Based on your requirements for what you’re looking for in a partner, map out specifically where you will go, what you will do and when you will go to find and meet people that fit those criteria. What groups or clubs or activities will you sign up for? What places, events or venues will you go to during the week, and when? Map it out, create an actual plan and schedule for your weeks, and print it out and hang it up where you will see it every day.

1. Decide what you want, make a list, and stick to it! Stop dating blindly. Don’t waste more than 3 dates on people that don’t fit your criteria. At this point, if you’re serious about finding “The One,” and you’re sick of dilly-dallying around, you need to figure out exactly what you want – as well as what you don’t want. What are your “Must-Have” criteria and requirements? What are your “Deal-Breakers?” You need to have more than just a flimsy mental list, take some time and write them out and make a list of at least 10 of these non-negotiable criteria for what you must have and won’t settle for. Then make a commitment to use these lists as your barometer that you compare all your dates to. Find out if they meet those requirements within the first 3 dates, and do not continue dating them past 3 dates if they don’t – no matter how hot, rich, or sexy they are!

1. Practice ASSERTIVENESS. How are you going to get what you want if you don’t know how to ask for it? Make a commitment to state your requests, stop expecting people to read your mind or instinctively know what you want. Ask for what you want – with people you’re dating, in the bedroom, and in life.

1. If you want a great partner, BECOME a great partner. You can’t expect to find and attract someone who has all these qualities that you personally do not have. In order to find the perfect partner for you, you need to make sure you have all the qualities yourself that you’re looking for in a partner and are living the life that you want, or are actively working towards it.

1. Be the “CHOOSER.“ Stop getting into relationships just because someone wants you really bad or aggressively pursues you. it can be very flattering when someone wants us and pursues us, but if you’re not really feeling them or they don’t meet your criteria, remember that you have the ultimate choice and YOU need to be the choose them. Just because someone chooses you doesn’t mean you have to choose them.

1. Flirt shamelessly til the cows come home! If you want to rapidly open the floodgates and fill your pipeline up with a continuous flow of prospects, you need to master the art of flirting. Become a master at flirting, Flirt often and everywhere. Smile whenever you talk to people, make lots of eye contact and be playful and teasing.

1. Master your First Impression. First impressions MATTER. Within the first 3 seconds of a new encounter…we are judged and evaluated, and you make an indelible impression. Depending on your physical appearance and attire, will either intrigue and attract someone, or turn them off. So if 3 seconds can determine your fate on a date, and can make or break your opportunity with someone…wouldn’t it make sense to do everything you can to control YOUR first impression, and make sure that it’s the best impression possible. You never know who you will meet and when, so dress like you’re about to meet the love of your life every date and put your best face forward. Don’t cut corners. Paying attention to the details of your first impression – like having a clean car, ironing your clothes, spritzing on fragrance or doing your make-up at home rather than rushing in the car on your way over there – will pay off.

1. Stop settling for the “BTN” Guy or Girl. You know, the “Better Than Nothing” relationship. everyone gets lonely from time to time when they’re single, but stop getting into relationships or dating people that you know are below your criteria or aren’t right for you just because they’re better than being alone. It may seem like a short-term fix for you but its far worse in the long run and ends up wasting far more time and emotional energy, and it will cause you more pain than good.

Let me know how it goes, and good luck out there!

In Love & Success,

DeAnna xo

DeAnna Lorraine is an internationally-recognized and san diego dating coach and dating expert.

Gift-Giving DON’Ts:

Top worst & most awkward gifts from Guys to their Ladies: Avoid these like the plague!

1. No Vacuums, Tupperware, or household appliances... Even if it’s the “top of the line” model that looks all nifty & practical. Unless she specifically said she wanted one.

2. No Soaps, bath soaps and body lotions (very cliche, body lotions like ‘Sweat Pea & Cucumber’ from Bath & Body Works is like the token ‘last minute gift’ for a woman )

3. No clothes, swimsuits or lingerie in the early stages of dating (if you’ve only been dating her a few months, chances are you don’t know her exact tastes and measurements yet, so it’s risky to buy these items. A common but embarrassing faux pas is the guy who buys lingerie that’s either way too big or too small – both are insulting!)

4. No running shoes or work-out attire (so un-romantic, plus they can send the wrong message – Exhibit A: “So wait, are you saying that I’m fat?! What are you trying to tell me??”)

5. No gift certificates! I know you’re thinking, “I’d rather just give her something that she really wants, so why don’t I just giver her a gift certificate so she can get herself the perfect gift?” But no no no guys, you’re thinking way too practical! Giving us a piece of paper is a sure-fire way to make us cry on the inside and feel like you don’t care. WE women interpret it as = No thought, impersonal, last-minute gift, RE: “He must not know/love/care about me!”

Top Worst gifts for Ladies to give their Guys: Avoid these…

1. Stuffed animals (even if it’s doused in your perfume). Most Men just don’t have any “use” for them like girls do.

2. No photo albums or scrapbooks (especially a photo-shopped collage of your ‘future children’), which will scare the bejesus out of most guys unless you’ve been together for a very loong time.

3. No expensive pens or flashlights (“Gee…Thanks”)

4. No aftershave, Electric shaver, Electric Nose-hair Trimmer or things related to shaving (where did women get the idea that this is romantic or cool? Unless he specifically asked you, let them buy their own shavers ladies!)

5. No underwear, socks or “fancy” Boxers. (This is just awkward – him, and maybe his mother, if anyone, should be the only people buying him that)

Gift-Giving DO’s

Best gifts for Guys to Give to your Woman: As a general rule, most women want items that are personal, romantic, and that show possession and thought. Such as…

1. JEWELRY! (Hey, It never goes out of style, it’s always a safe bet, and if you think it’s “overdone” or “cliche,” well guess what smarty? It’s cliche for a reason – it works! We love it! We want it! It “shows you care!” ) A pendant, tennis bracelet, Tiffany’s, Swvarsky, etc. As another jewelry-buying tip for guys, it’s a good idea to START with a bracelet or a pendant/necklace that’s more on the simpler side, especially one that’s a birthstone, simple diamond, or Swarovski, because then you have more pricier & fancier jewelry items to build up to later. And PLEASE, hold OFF on a ring unless it’s “THEE Ring!” Don’t be stupid. I think probably the cruelest thing you can do to a woman is present a small ring-shaped box to her, have her open it and see a ring inside, but it it isn’t an engagement ring. I’ve seen quite a few holiday break-ups happen this way, LOl.  But back to the reason why we love jewelry from you, we don’t  just love it because looks gorgeous and makes us feel special, want jewelry from you because every time we wear it & look at it, we think of YOU, and we smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside about you.

2. Designer Perfume or Purse - Perfumes like Michael Korrs, Dolce Gabana, Marc Jacobs, & BVULGRI are great. Again, even though it isn’t jewelry, it still shows ‘possession’ because every time we wear it and smell it we think of you and we are “wearing” a reminder of you all the time, which makes us feel closer to you! If you want to get a gift that’s a safe bet, don’t burden yourself by frantically struggling to devise the most creative gift possible, which may or may not even work for us anyway, just go with what WORKS and get her jewelry or perfume! Purses/Handbags are a little less personal, but still great for an easy gift that you can’t really go wrong with if you want an alternate gift. I would go with Coach or Louis Vuitton.

3. Anything Creative, Romantic, Personal or Sentimental - Examples: a burned CD with your love songs on it that you made, a Scrapbook of photos, a personalized bracelet, necklace, watch, or anything engraved or personalized, hey even naming a star after her (if you’ve been together for a little while). And if you DO know your girl’s measurements & size, then tasteful lingerie or nightie from Victoria’s Secret or Agent Provocateur would make a great gift too.

4. Fine Chocolates, Roses, cute Stuffed Animals, Almond Champagne and/or a good old-fashioned sweet Love letter is a great small gift if you’ve just started seeing each other or perfect complimentary accent items to your main gift. We girls never get sick of chocolate, stuffed animals and roses! I know it might sound counter-intuitive to you logical men, but the more ridiculous, lavish, and over-the-top cheesy you go with these little holiday trinkets, the more special and loved we feel (most women, that is).

5. A “Surprise Romantic Getaway,” or Reserving dinner and a room or romantic suite somewhere either local or away for the night. Palm Springs, Vegas, LA, Santa Monica, Big Bear, & Idylwyld are all great little weekend getaway spots for San Diegans.

Best Gifts for Girls to give their Man:

1. Useful New Gadgets (Such as a PDA, a Contour+ HD Video Camera, SuperTooth Disco, plasma TV, Business card scanner, iPad, upgraded iPhone, Kindle, a GPS, etc. Also, an upgrade to his CAR if he had been wanting it, such as Window-Tinting, better Stereo/Speaker system, Sirius or XM radio, etc.

2. Intimate or Boudour (“Sexy”) photos; have your top favorite pics blown up & framed in color or a classy black & white, and put the rest in an album for him. You can also take the pics & easily create a custom-made mug or Calendar, starring the sexy model YOU!

3. A homemade “Coupon Book” – And be creative with the coupons!

4. Sporting event tickets or memorabilia/collector’s items, UFC events; Concert tickets

5. An engraved silver Flask or Watch

When in doubt, here’s some quick guidelines to remember:

• For guys especially – ask around! Don’t blindly guess; if you aren’t sure about a gift or what she would like, ask her close friends or family and get their input – that’s a pretty sure-fire way to get a gift that’s on-target.

• Establish a budget range before-hand. Talk to each other and establish a budget or at least a range that you both will stay in, so that one person doesn’t end up spending way to much or too little, which could make for an embarrassing situation.

• Be sure to add the personal touches! Be sure to wrap the gifts, wrap them yourself, and do NOT forget about a card! To us women, the card is a very important part of the gift, almost as important as the gift itself, that you should not skip over! (Oh and guys, that means write in the card – don’t just sign your name under the Hallmark text. Write your own personal note in addition, and sign it!)

• If you’re going to buy clothes, be absolutely certain of their size and style. Avoid getting sizes that are way too big or small, or something they’ll never wear.

• Don’t “Re-gift” anything! C’mon, I know the economy’s pretty bad right now but please, don’t go there.
  

• Women = Personal /  Men = Practical. A great rule of thumb for men and women’s gifts is, for women, think “Personal,” for men’s gifts, think “Practical!”

Any other questions? Just ask me!

Good Luck & Happy Holidays! Love, DeAnna

These days, as online dating and matchmaking services have become a mainstream avenue for meeting people and getting dates and we are getting involved in long-distance relationships with people from all over the world that you haven’t even met yet – all for the potential of finding that great love – how do you REALLY know if someone is for real or not? How do you really know if someone is genuinely a great guy – or just a phony? How do you know if he’s really successful and stable, or just a loser in disguise – especially if you don’t have the luxury of seeing them frequently in-person if they live outside your city? These days there are some talented con-men and creeps out there floating out on the Internet and other places and believe me, they can be easy to fall for – even I have been fooled before, I admit… But luckily I came to my senses and was able to spot out the phony before I got too heavily involved and I was able to make a clean break unscathed. But from my own experiences and those of some clients and friends who have also fallen prey, I’ve come up with an essential guide for you to use when dating and getting to know new prospects to determine whether they really check out or not – which should save you lots of wasted time and energy on the wrong people!

Before I move on to the List, I’ll point out that the biggest thing to look for and common underlying theme here is “CONGRUENCY” – In other words, what you have to be continuously looking for in each prospect that you date is do their actions, behaviors, and life match up to who and what they SAY that they are?

Because Talk is cheap baby, and a guy (or girl) can talk until the cows come home about how great of a person they are, how successful or ambitious they are, how stable they are, or how head over heels they are over you. But until you’ve met them in the flesh, spent adequate amount of time with them, and observed them over a period of time to make sure what they say really does check out, then you really shouldn’t take everything they say at face value.

So here are some key factors and areas of their lives to look at and observe over time that will help serve as big clues that they are either authentic or not, and red flags to run the other direction from if present.

There’s actually 10 main ones, so I’ve broken the Blog down to 2 parts. Below is Part I – I’ll post up Part II next week.

The Big Congruency Tests:

2. To see if he’s actually Ambitious & would make a Good Provider:

• Is he in his ideal career & making his ideal income? If a guy is in his 30s, and definitely if he’s over 35, then he really should be settled into his ideal career at that point, or working towards it. If he is not, then ask him what his goals are? Does he actually have an Action plan in place to getting to his ideal career and income? If he doesn’t have a clear answer for you, then he’s probably just drifting and lacking in motivation.

• Is he over age 30 and still living with his parents? Does he still borrow money from his parents or have them pay his rent or bills? Unless there is a seriously good reason for it, then that’s a real problem. A man who is still living at home is someone who is incapable or unwilling to take responsibility for his own life, leave the “nest” and be self-sufficient.

• Does he own his own Place? If a man owns his own home, it is a good sign that he is mature, responsible, and committed to securing a stable future for himself and future wife. It is important to him to have stability and he knows that it takes hard work and commitment to get there. If a guy is in his mid to late 30′s above and is still renting a place, has never owned his own home, that could be a red flag that he has an underlying fear of commitment (owning something takes commitment – renting really does not) and may lack stability and provider-ship.
  

2. To Test for REAL Success ~ If he portrays himself as someone who’s very Successful…

• If he’s a Big Spender, can he actually back it up? Does he actually have a lot of money (or any) in savings? If a guy is a big spender and flashes around a lot of cash when you’re with him, just look for whether he can back it up or not  – he is responsible with his money, has savings, and doesn’t just put everything and his mother on credit.

• Speaking of credit, does he actually have good credit, or if not is he at least working steadily towards it? Has he ever filed for bankruptcy? Has he ever asked to borrow money or had credit cards decline in front of you? These could be warning signs that he spends frivolously & irresponsibly or is talking up his success way more than he has.
  

• Funny story to tie this lesson in – One guy I dated for a short time tried incredibly hard to portray himself as a very successful man who had it all together; He’d spend lots of money and would boast about his expensive taste, how he only wears designer outfits and shoes and would drop thousands on single shopping sprees (frequent bragging and talking about one’s success and money is also another clue to look for fyi – most people with real success and wealth don’t need to prove themselves & flaunt). But then I quickly started seeing cracks in his story and soon realized he was a poser. The first big sign was after our third date; we go to hop in his black (leased) Beamer, and much to our dismay, his windows are covered in giant yellow stickers and he is unable to drive his car…. As it turns out, he’s got a BOOT on his tire, due to a bunch of unpaid parking tickets… LOL. (On top of these other faux pas, the poor guy also made the mistake of putting this entire call on speakerphone). Then as he tries to pay for them, his first credit card gets declined, then another one, and almost a third one. He finally had to split up the $400 payment in half using one of MY cards for the other half. I had to laugh at the irony of it, but it definitely showed me all I needed to know about his real situation! I also came to find out that he was renting a cheap apartment, at age 37 mind you, and had never owned any property before, his apartment had zero furniture in it, and his own “business” that he claimed to be running successfully on his own was essentially non-existent. I ran for the hills. Talk about a phony!

3. To test for the way he Treats & Values his Women (aka YOU):

• This is actually very simple… Look at his relationship with his MOTHER and/or sister(s)! His mother and/or Sister(s), if he has any represent the most prominent female figures in a man’s life, generally speaking. So the way he treats and respects them is hugely indicative of how he treats the women he dates, and how he will treat YOU. Yes there are some extenuating circumstances beyond a man’s control some times, but for most guys, this holds true. Observe and evaluate this ladies!

4. To test for his “Emotional Availability;” His ability to be Intimate & Loving in your Relationship

• Ok excuse my crassness but I’ll just come right out with it – Look at the way he is in BED! Is he Lazy (doesn’t do much work or always wants to just throw you on top), selfish, disrespectful, or demanding? Does he kiss you a lot and make eye contact during sex, demonstrating that he views sex with you as a means of connection and intimacy aside from just pleasure, or does it seem like he really only views it as a means of him “getting off,” (avoiding face-to-face positions and eye-contact, rushing through sex, appearing disconnected, etc.) If he is typically disconnected, selfish, disrespectful or lazy during sex, then that is how he is going to show up and treat his women in his relationships as well. Steer clear from guys like that. Instead you should look for guys who are giving and affectionate in bed, who spend time on foreplay and can take things slow, and demonstrate they are able to connect with you and be intimate as well.
  

• Is he actually Affectionate and loving to you OUTSIDE the bedroom, or just inside? Does he kiss you and touch you frequently both inside and outside the bedroom?

5. To Test for whether he is a Genuinely “Good Guy” who is able to both create & maintain relationships:

• Does he have at least a few best guy friends whom he is close with and that speak highly of him? Does he have good friends that he’s known for over 5 years? And is he close with his family, or is he estranged from them? If a guy has all female friends and no male friends, or no real friends at all, that’s a huge red flag that he is unable to get along with other men, or that there are some serious flaws about him that other guys see. Guys can sniff shady characters and phoniness out in other guys right away, and they’ll usually steer clear. If on the whole your guy has no good friends and/or he is estranged from his family, that is a sure sign that he has major intimacy issues and isn’t capable of maintaining a relationship.
  

And don’t think that just because you’re a fantastic woman and he seems infatuated with you now that you’re the exception to the rule – your relationships with your friends and family will play out the same way as your romantic relationships. He may make a great first impression and be a pro at starting NEW relationships, but the maintenance ability is the most important. I don’t care how charming or great this guy seems, if he doesn’t have any friends or family to show for it – and “vouch” for him that he’s legit – something’s amiss. The proof is in the pudding!

So start looking for these signs in the men you are talking to. Use these to spot out the “Con-Men” and help you recognize a truly great Man worth dating! Let me know how it goes Part II will be up next week.

Love, DeAnna xoxo

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Deanna Lorraine is a san diego dating coach and dating expert