It’s always hard when you meet a woman for the first time… or get a 2nd or 3rd date with her.
I get it. We live in the age of an abundance of options at one’s fingertips, so both men and women have gotten quite demanding.
But, if you understand a bit more about the Psychology of women and the subconscious differences between males and females, then attracting them and dating the women you want will be much easier for you.
This will come more natural to you because you’re working WITH the knowledge you have…
Rather than feeling frustrated or powerless because you just don’t have this understanding of women.
Now, with that being said, did you know that there are a lot of things within a man’s control that he can do to “create” more attraction and chemistry with a woman, or not?
A girl shouldn’t just show up and look pretty and expect that the man should do all the work.
Both parties should bring effort and energy into a date, yes.
But, if you’re like many men who are interested in learning the psychology of women, how they really think, in order to more easily and readily attract them, to tilt the odds in your favor of a girl saying “Wow, I REALLY want to see you again!” Then you should read these points
We have plenty of tips that we give women on how to attract men, but this post is specifically written for men to better understand and attract women.
Attraction Rule #1: Incite ‘Feeling’ Through Conversation
When a woman first meets a man, she is in a sense is “scanning” a man – to gauge her feelings about him and whether she wants to see him again.
But it’s important to understand this is mostly done UNCONSCIOUSLY – she isn’t even aware that she is doing that, or what exactly she is looking and scanning for.
But it’s just how women and men are “wired.”
Men are “wired” to unconsciously be scanning for signs of beauty, youth, and fertility in a woman – for the primary evolutionary purpose of his goal of reproduction.
That’s why most men won’t even give a woman a date or second chance if he meets her and she is largely overweight – it just doesn’t fit that primary evolutionary goal of his ideal of beauty and youth.
Women are doing the same thing, although the things that women are subconsciously looking for are a bit different than men’s.
This is due to the evolutionary goals of men and women… ever since the first cavemen and even happens in the animal kingdom.
So here’s a little bit more about the Psychology behind why women want or don’t want a second date.
- She needs to FEEL something – a spark. A connection. This has less to do with your “Credentials” on paper, and much more to do with “Do you incite a FEELING in her?” (Primarily, is she experiencing feelings like genuine enjoyment with you, pleasure, laughter… and sexual excitement?)
- Are you demonstrating, in some subtle ways, that you can fulfill her “3 Primal Needs” that women seek in a man – Providership, Protection, & Sex/Reproduction?
Just like you need to feel a spark for her, she needs to feel that spark for you.
But for women, unlike men, that “spark” has much less to do with your looks or qualities “on paper” (like if you’re “hot” or you have a ferrari or 6-pack abs)
And conversely, just because you are extremely nice and treat her like the perfect gentleman, does not guarantee you a second date either.
Women need to feel. If we’re not feeling anything (particularly in our lower regions consisting of butterflies in our stomach – and one other place), we’ll most likely not going to feel excited to see you again.
So let’s start with the feeling first.
The KEY to attraction, seduction, and awesome relationships with women all lies in the CONVERSATION.
Conversation is King.
It is your key that unlocks all layers of women because through conversation – you create the connection with a women (or you don’t).
And only through being able to create a connection with a woman can you then be able to unlock the next levels with women – attracting her, seducing her, and beyond.
Master your conversational skills and you’ll master your attraction and seduction skills.
I’ve coached over 2000 men in the last 10 years and most of whom are not naturally good conversationalists. They typically come across too dull or emotionally void to women, and thus no emotional feelings are triggered in her.
Especially the more left-brain dominant, technical guys (you know who you are!) – often the brilliant Engineers and Analysts of the world – tend to be the least effective conversationalists with women. More on that and why that is in another post.
But in short, most left-brainers and guys tend to talk to women like they talk to other guys – in more concise, factual language instead of emotional or personal language.
But women are different (duh)- our brains are wired differently, and we communicate much differently than men.
This is one big area of difference.
Here is an example of what I call “Factual language” versus “Emotional/Personal Language.”:
- So, what do you do at your job as a Nurse? How many days a week do you work?
- So Where did you grow up? Oh, what’s the weather like over in Michigan?
- How long ago did you move here? What part of LA do you live in now?
These kinds of questions may be necessary sometimes as a “launching pad,” but too many of them will get boring and repetitive quickly for a woman, and they don’t incite any feelings or emotional stimulation from her.
Basically, I like to say that if you can technically Google the answer to your question, then it’s a factual question.
Women respond better to language and questions that require more of an emotional or personal answer that’s unique to only her. Something she can share her personal opinion, experience or feelings on.
- Oh wow you’re a nurse, so what inspired you to become a Nurse? What do you love most about your work?
- What are your favorite and least favorite things about Michigan?
- So how do you really feel about the guys, do you like them better out in Michigan or in LA? (said in a teasing way)
Think for a minute about how women talk with other women… It’s much different how men talk with other guys!
Here’s a typical guy’s conversation with another guy:
Guy #1: So how was your date last night bro?
Guy #2: Oh it was good.
Guy #1: Nice. Was she hot?
Guy #2: Yeah. For sure. It went well.
Guy #1: Awesome. Did you bang her / Think you’ll see her again?
Guy #2: Yup/Not yet / Hope so.
It’s short and minimal, to the point. That would probably last 5 minutes, max.
Men usually communicate in terms of logistics and the bare necessities to get the point across. Communication is more functional for guys.
Now with women, I’m not even going to type out what that whole conversation would be because it would be far too long. That 3-minute conversation between guy friends, would be about an hour amongst girl friends!
Women talk in much more detail, they want descriptions, the juicy details, and want to know the feelings behind events that happened.
Talking is how women bond.
I get that some woman may ramble on a bit about things that don’t interest you and you are forced to smile and ask questions… it can be annoying and boring to guys.
But like it or hate it, when women share more personal things that are from her heart, and you get into discussions that involve your personal feelings about something, experiences, thoughts and perspectives, she is a lot more engaged and stimulated.
This then creates the fertile breeding environment for optimal flirting and her feeling a strong connection and chemistry with you.
Attraction Rule #2: Establish Rapport through Eye Contact
#2: Non-Verbal Communication & Eye Contact:
Eye contact is an incredibly essential element of nonverbal communication, that is a tool for creating attraction with women. Women can “sense” a lot about a guy – what kind of guy he is, whether he is confident or not, strong or not, authentic or not – through his eyes and eye contact.
It’s very important to have good, confident eye contact with the woman on your date. Looking away a lot when you or she is talking is a sign of weakness, insecurity, and in-authenticity to a woman.
Also, through your eyes is where you project sensual energy toward a woman. It should be used for that purpose too.
So here’s one easy trick for eye contact you should start implementing:
Every so often during the date, look into her eyes a bit more intensely and for longer than you normally would. And during those few seconds, in your head, imagine that you’re deeply designing to kiss her. Feel that sensual energy building up inside you and project it onto her. Look down at her lips again, then look back at her eyes again, and then look away.
Ideally, if she blushes, giggles, or smiles, congratulations – you’ve just created a chemistry spark in her.
#3: Understand Women’s 3 “Primal Subconscious Needs”
Women and men both have primal, subconscious needs which are designed to have us target who to breed with and who to weed out.
We already know that men are “wired” to unconsciously be scanning for signs of beauty, youth, and fertility in a woman – so if a girl is hot, you’re most likely attracted.
But women don’t necessarily care as much about a guy’s physical looks. An average or even below-average looking guy can easily get a girl who looks like a supermodel, if he displays certain qualities that weigh much more heavily in attraction for women.
These qualities that demonstrate on a subconscious level that you can fulfill a woman’s 3 deep primal needs: That you can protect her, have some sort of financial stability (“providership”) and can be a good “reproducer” (aka sex) with her.
And again, she is picking up signals of these things mostly unconsciously.
Here’s how you can demonstrate that you can fulfill each of these primal, unconscious needs for her, on that first date.
I know dates these days can be expensive and add up! My heart does go out to the guy because going on lots of dates can totally add up, and it sucks when a guy pays or a date only to have a girl tell him she wants to just “be friends” after.
But, I have to say in all my years of being a Coach for men and women, I’ve found that some traditional concepts should still be kept and even though times have changed and women’s salaries often equal or exceed a man’s now, I still think it’s best if the guy just pays for the first date.
Women REALLY appreciate this, as annoying as it might be to you. Also then there’s no fussing about who is paying the bill as it just sits there awkwardly gathering dust. After the first or second date then you may want to have her contribute more.
Also, dressing sharply instead of super casual and incorporating some subtle comments or stories here and there that demonstrate that you are successful and have goals in life, or at least en-route to being successful, is attractive to a woman and makes her feel safe and secure with you.
Most women aren’t gold-diggers. If you do come across one (presuming you don’t want one), then run! And if she doesn’t at least say “Thank you” after you do pay, then she may not be someone you want to see again!”
That’s not what you want or what I’m saying here. But just like a woman’s physical beauty is one of those unconscious, instinctively important elements to every man, because of his “wiring,” a man who is driven can at least show that he can bring some “providership” to the table, even if she’s a career woman herself, is instinctively important to women.
It’s not a superficial thing, it’s a biological human nature thing.
There are extreme’s of each side though. There are many guys who ONLY go for a super hot woman who’s got fake boobs and looks like Pamela anderson and doesn’t care what kind of a person she is inside.
Just like there are some women out there who are gold-diggers and go after a guy if he is rich and doesn’t care about the person or heart inside. But we’re not talking about those extreme women here.
Deep in the heart of every woman, is a longing to admire and respect a man so greatly, she feels like he’s her “hero.”
Blame Disney movies or warrior movies like Braveheart, but again this goes back to our instinctual primal “wiring.”
As strong and successful, and self-sufficient many women these days are (or claim to be) women still desire those heroic qualities in men.
Deep down, woman want to feel like if “stuff” hits the fan, if there were any “bad guys” or threats, our man can protect us and our (possible) children, take care of situations and lead us out of harm’s way.
So this doesn’t mean you have to look like you spend hours at the gym or act like Superman, but you demonstrate signs of “protectiveness” by demonstrating confidence, some assertiveness, and ability to lead.
Through your body language, make sure your posture is tall and confident throughout the date, you speak with confidence and authority, and you are mostly “leading” the date throughout – rather than just sitting in the passive passengers seat and “going with the flow.”
The ways this comes through is again with your confidence and assertiveness, but also believe it or not, through displaying a sense of humour and playfulness.
We covered sensual eye contact before. In addition to that, attempt to make her laugh at least a few times throughout the date and be playful with her. For whatever reason, women believe that if you can make her laugh, then you can make her you-know-what in bed.
Laughing is such an aphrodisiac for women. Laughing stimulates us and makes us feel excited by the guy!
So now that you know a little more about female Psychology, if you’re interested in improving your results with women, start trying out these Authentic Attraction techniques on your next dates or even first conversations with women, and she is highly likely to FEEL those gut-level feelings of attraction and desire toward you.
And, she will more likely put you in the category of a “high-value, date-able man,” so she will be eager to answer your texts and see you again very soon.
The purpose of explaining the 3 primal needs is for you to understand that is unconscious, it’s not meant to create unnecessary pressure and expectation on you as a man.
My goal is to be the insider for you, to stop the misinformation and how you can be your most attractive self.
If all this sounds great but you’re a man that need some help in meeting woman to get that date, or in putting all this stuff into practice so you can stop falling into the Friend Zone and start dating the women you REALLY want, then let’s talk over a phone consultation about getting you started with 1-on-1 Skype or in-Person Coaching with me to reach your dating goals. Every wise and successful person has a mentor or private Instructor that takes them from mediocre to mastery. This area of your life is absolutely no different, and the men that work with me are so, so happy they did a few months later.