10 New Years Dating Resolutions for White Guys
As we enter into a fresh new year, 2017, there’s some things that I think ALL single daters can do better in 2017 (the “White Guys” was obviously just a joke 🙂 As a Dating & Relationship Coach and Matchmaker who’s on the ground floor working with single guys and women every day, and experiencing the “Dating Apocalypse” first hand personally, I am privy to the biggest issues that have come about as a result of this – caused especially by dating apps like Tinder and Bumble.
So here you go, 10 New Year’s Relationship Resolutions for ALL Guys & Gals
#1: Guys, just make the first move and ask a woman out!
It’s not that hard. Dating right now in the “Dating Apocalypse” is already complicated and confusing enough. So let’s just make things really easy, less confusing, and less complicated. The dating app “Bumble” really threw a wrench into things by switching up traditional roles and making the female in charge of messaging the guys first.
But then it created this weird landscape where guys are expecting the woman to not only message them first, but apparently ask them out and plan a date also.
And this dynamic has even spread to all the other dating apps outside of Bumble, causing women to feel like they are the ones that have to pursue the guy, or else nothing happens. I’ve seen a dramatic change in guys’ behavior on these apps – the most notable being that many guys have gotten downright lazy and don’t put any effort into meeting offline.
I’m sorry if this sounds old-school, but I believe that some things are just better left to traditional practices and roles, and this is one of them. If guys just continue to assume that traditional role of asking the girl out on the date, and planning the first date – even if you met on Bumble – then everything will just move along much faster and easier!
You will actually GO on more dates and meet more people “in the flesh”… And Isn’t that what everyone wants?
Plus, is it really that much of a burden and that much effort to say “hey, let’s meet in person over a drink, what’s your schedule like this week?” and plan a freakin’ cocktail date?!
#2: Ladies, if a guy DOES asks you out, stop pulling a Houdini and going MIA after.
I hear the complaint constantly from my male clients and other men that they’ll be talking to a girl, ask her out, and then – poof! She disappears. And then the poor guys are obsessing over what the hell they could have possibly said to offend them or turn them off so much with one message.
Ladies, let’s help the guys out a little to make them more motivated to court YOU, notice their efforts when they do put them out, and have the courtesy to at least tell them no thank you if you don’t want to go out with someone. But then again, why did you swipe right on him if you weren’t interested in him enough to go out with him??
And this goes for guys too – let’s stop the swiping and disappearing act altogether if we want actual relationships to be created in 2017.
#3: Guys, can we please stop with the Sales Pitch of The Penis?
Please don’t whip out your penis on a first date, try to put her hand on your penis (does this really make girls swoon?), or send her a penis pic, or anything having to do with your penis for that matter, before or on the first date (at least).
I’ve talked to many, many women, and I still have yet to find one woman who this “works” for. This was probably a made up move by a guy. It’s not sexy, not engaging, and I think I can speak for most ladies that we’d like to see this “move” go in 2017.
#4: Let’s all not take 2 hours to text someone back, so that we can play “hard to get” and pretend like we’re too busy doing other exciting things to text back right away.
We all KNOW that everyone is by their phone, 24/7; we’re addicted to it, and studies have even shown that 95% of text messages are read within 3 minutes… So, the jig is up!
Can we all just respond to a text like normal people now without this annoying intentional waiting time to pretend like we’re more interesting than we really are? And then, not judge a person as “not having a life” if they do respond within a reasonable time?
#5: I’m sure I’ll get hated on for this, but this is a rant for the militant Feminists and Social Justice warriors who take every little thing way out of context, twist it into something dark and cry that it is offensive, “rapey,” sexist, or promoting non-consensuality.
Like the infamous Baby it’s cold Outside song that recently got ripped to pieces, or the public verbal lynching of comedian Steve Martin after he gave a sincere compliment to Carrie Fisher on Twitter, saying that she was beautiful, bright, and witty.
Baby it’s Cold Outside was a playful romantic duet written by a husband to his wife in 1944 for Pete’s sake. He’s a man who knows the lady he likes has to leave, and is doing his damnedest to get her to stay for just a few minutes more. (In 1944, it was not appropriate for an unmarried lady to stay the night at her man’s house) And if you listen to the original song, it is pretty clear that they BOTH are playfully and coyly dragging out the end of the night as long as they can. And I think most of us can agree that the “consensual remake” of the song released in December is soo un-romantic.).
What you’re doing is systematically murdering every last ounce of romance and natural desire toward women from men. And unjustly assuming that all men are vicious predators, plotting and scheming to trick and rape an unsuspecting girl. (And, let’s call a spade a spade – if you’re going to attack this innocent song from 1944, then what about pretty much every other song on the radio today that talks about “Bitches” and “Hoes” and other overt female degradation, like “You’s a Hoe” or “Blow my Whistle Baby?!”).
And then, these same women are complaining that guys aren’t romantic anymore, that “chivalry is dead” and are sad that guys don’t seem to show interest and pursue them enough anymore.
Some songs legitimately are “rapey,” and some comments made are legitimately demeaning, and feel free to make a case about those. But please don’t rip apart songs and people’s comments that were genuinely good-intentioned, because we are at the brink of silencing men so much that we can soon kiss any last shred of “romance” and genuine expressions of attraction and interest goodbye.
I don’t know about you, but I still like the art of romance and the little dance of seduction. And yes, as long as it’s “consensual.”
#6: Can we not lie about our weight or our heights anymore?
Women calling themselves “voluptuous” or “curvy” online but who are really massively overweight, or guys saying their 6’” when they’re really 5’6” , like really?! Once we see you, the jig is up, do you think we’re going to somehow hallucinate you as being massively thinner or taller? So, let’s just keep it honest.
#7: Guys who play “hard to get,” follow the “3-day” contact rule and intentionally hold back interest to try to get women to “chase” you.
I hate to break it to you, but most of the PUA (Pick-up Artistry) gurus are feeding you inaccurate information – Most self-respecting women don’t eagerly “chase” after guys who are showing them no interest.
A little mystery can be good and you don’t want to smother a woman, but trying to act apathetic toward a girl, hold back any compliments or indications that you like her, and deliberately acting like you don’t care is pretty lame and probably only going to lead to a stalemate, as most women’s guards will go up and they will feel the need to act elusive too.
Authenticity breeds more authenticity, and game-playing breed more game-playing.
#8: Women who complain of men “mansplaining” and “manspreading”
Again, I ask you, what is it that you’re trying to accomplish here? This to me is yet another weapon used to verbally castrate men of their innately masculine qualities and behaviors into submissive, asexual beings.
It is a masculine trait to want to contribute to people, and feel like their opinions and knowledge are valuable.
It makes them feel good, and with women now as powerful and self-sufficient as they are, touting that they “don’t need a man,” when a man gives you advice it’s usually coming from a benevolent place of them simply wanting some validation, or even hoping to impress you if they like you. Wow, is that so terrible for them to feel good and useful for a moment?
Most of the time they are not intentionally trying to condescend a woman, nor are they even aware of doing so. To add to that, most women innately want a man who displays intelligence, protectiveness, and who is helpful to us. …All things that men innately like doing.
So why then are you trying to punish them for doing these things? And yes there is a line between “explaining” things in a helpful way, and intentionally condescending someone, but when you turn “mansplaining” into such a “thing” and it is a focus, it becomes dangerously subjective and the tendency will be for it to be misconstrued, favoring the female. (The fact that my spell-checker corrected these words because they are now in the dictionary should tell you something, Lol).
And again, these same women complain that they “can’t find a masculine man anymore” and that “men have become so feminine and wussy these days.” Well, I wonder why!
When you punish men for doing anything innately masculine, and they become so fearful of offending people, they stop acting like a man.
Imagine if men created a word for women crossing our legs in a feminine way, or made it an offense if our voices were too high because it annoyed them. Please consider the consequences to these damaging catchphrases and trendy SJW “movements.”
I for one do not wish to live in a world of neuter gender people, where men act exactly like women and women act exactly like men, and where our differences are no longer celebrated or desirable. It’s called Yin & Yang, not Yin & Yin, for a reason.
#9: If you say you want a committed relationship or marriage, check your actions and make sure they’re consistent with that.
Let’s stop this whole “catch and release” business. Today I see a vast majority of singles (especially women) who SAY they really want a marriage or committed relationship, but they’re actions totally contradict that.
Many women barely respond to texts or guys asking them out, keeping themselves so busy with their work that its like nailing jello to a tree for a guy to get her to “pencil him in” her busy schedule. And then there’s the common complaint I hear from guys: When a nice guy does come along and treat a girl well, and expresses his interest, she suddenly isn’t interested or makes up excuses as to why she can’t date anyone right now.
How about don’t put yourself on a dating site, go to a singles event, or say you want a relationship, if you’re not going to make any time for dating.
#10: Guys putting in zero effort, taking a girl on a coffee date or cocktail date, but then expecting sex as soon as possible.
Guys, let’s put a little more effort into pursuing a woman if you like her, and understand that sex comes when a woman feels comfortable and connected to you – not through pressuring her. It seems to be the common trend now that guys want to see how little effort they can put towards courting a woman (if you could call it “courting”), how little money they can spend, and how quickly they can get her into bed. And women may be enabling this as well if they’re letting it happen.
BONUS! Let’s all put a stop to Swiping while you’re on a date!
Do you know that according to a new study, at least 3 out of 5 people admit to swiping on online dating apps WHILE they’re on a date? Like when their date goes to the bathroom or steps out for a moment. This is a whole new level to the definition of “sleazy.” Can we all give the person we’re on a date with the respect they deserve and give them our full attention for just one or two hours of your life? C’mon people, can we at least pretend to be civilized? 🙂
DeAnna Lorraine is an LA dating coach and relationship expert for men and women