How I would Coach The Bachelorette’s Men!

Here’s what I would say to the 2 Gentlemen runners-up on The Bachelorette… If I were their Coach!

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New Video: My Thoughts on the Bachelorette Final 4 Men

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More Bachelorette Dating Faux Pas: Episode 6!

The Bachelorette Recap in Dating Do’s & Dont’s!

Episode 6

1. Justin and his Two-Timing: Wow… I don’t even think the word “Tool” with a capitol “T” could sum up this poor excuse for a man. We discovered that he got on the show with a big scheme of going on the show purely for the purpose of “becoming famous,” and once he made it to the ‘top 3,’ he was planning on ditching Ali – and running off and marrying his girlfriend – yes, girlfriend, of two years! And then if that wasn’t bad enough…it turns out he has had another girlfriend too! Wow, this is karma at its greatest. Let this be a lesson to everyone that what goes around really does come around. And relationship karma, especially, is quite the bitch. Another lesson here: Women TALK. You never want to mess with a woman scorned. Women will do whatever it takes to make sure that no other woman will touch you with a 10-foot pole – and Ali made sure of this, by calling him out and giving it to him on national TV. Nice work Ali!

1. Craig’s Fun but “Friend”-ly Date: With Craig’s one-on-one date with Ali, they had a nice time and went to some romantic spots, and even watched a fireworks display from the rooftop of their boat cruise. Everything was set up to BE romantic… Yet … there was no actual sparks. Every time they shot Ali and Craig together, they were having pleasant conversations and he was making her laugh, often even putting his arms around her and holding her, but it seemed like every time he was about to go in for a kiss or when there was definitely an opportunity to… he chickened out and gave her a cheek hug instead. Whether it was nerves or lack of confidence or know-how, he didn’t just execute, didn’t just GO in for it. And when guys just stick in that PG zone of putting their arm around you, hugging you and holding you, but never just confidently put the romantic moves on and kick it up a notch, guess what… She’s going to only think of you as a kind of guy she could hug and laugh with, but not kiss. Thus… into the Friend Zone you get placed. So it was no surprise to me that out of all the guys remaining, Ali chose to let Craig go in the rose ceremony; and her reason? “The romance is just not there.” And her words, were the romantic kiss of death… “He’s a great guy. He’s so funny, so sweet…” Words that you don’t want to hear as a man!

1. Roberto’s Ever-Comforting Moves: When Ali stormed into the men’s hotel suite fuming and in tears (I literally thought I saw traces of steam coming out of her ears), calling out Justin to the group, Roberto offered great support by putting his big strong arms around her and comforting her, letting her know that “It’s Okay, everything’s going to be fine.”  You could tell she seemed to calm down a bit after that and she appreciated the comforting touch. Lesson learned here: ALL women appreciate that! Props to Roberto again, for seizing an opportunity to act like the Man and show her that he can be her rock. The other guys just sat there in stupor. But who is she going to remember most in the situation? The guy who made her feel safe and supported. Men, grab as many opportunities as possible to show a woman that you can BE there for her, and she will feel safe and good around you… and you WILL end up being there for her, in the end.

1. Frank  Lugging his Rug: As Frank and Ali were shopping around in the Bazarre in Turkey, they found themselves in a little rug store and got cornered by an aggressive Turkish man trying to sell him a rug. Frank kept on repeating over and over again to the camera that he wasn’t going to buy this rug, that he had no need for a rug, and there was no way he was going to carry that around for the rest of the date. …But alas, the next scene that follows shows poor Frank walking away carrying this 10-foot rug on his shoulders. Note to men – don’t get suckered into something that you don’t want to do or buy in front of your girl. We’ll begin to wonder where your backbone is. On the flip side though, Frank did do a great job in his date of being lots of fun and high-energy, upbeat, and spontaneous. He always held her close and kissed her a lot, grabbed her hand tight and led her through the crowds, and treated her like she was already his girlfriend, which is what helps a woman actually associate you with being her boyfriend and what will likely pull him ahead of the competition.

1. Ali’s Fighting Faux Pas: On the group date with the 6 guys, after the poor guys had already spent the whole day on their feet touring historical sites of Istanbul, Ali informed them that she was taking them to a ‘Big Surprise.’ And as it turned out… this “big surprise” was a group of 6 oiled and shirtless Turkish men, or, professional “Olive-Oil Wrestlers,” waiting to oil-wrestle the guys, on the ground in the freezing cold. Talk about a buzz-kill! Then after the guys got crushed by these professional men who were no match for them, she announced that they now had to fight – each other! I’m sorry, but that just wasn’t a very cool girl move, I don’t care who you are. It’s enough that these men have to fight for her and woo her every day on national television, and jump through hoops for her every episode, but then to have to physically fight for her after a long day of sightseeing and then fight their own buddies, who they’ve grown to be their comrades? I thought that was a little cruel and unusual. If you give men enough of a prize, they will fight for you anyway and will want to do it on their own merit, but if you force a guy to fight for you, that may very likely only create resentment in him and have the opposite effect. Boo.

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More Bachelorette Dating Do’s & Dont’s!

The Bachelorette Recap in Dating Do’s & Don’ts!

This Week’s episode: June 21st

1. Frank and his “Non-Existent” Date: “On this date, When Frank was on his group date, he definitely took a back seat to all the other guys. He remained quiet, kind of a shadow in the wings, and wasn’t making himself known, asserting himself to make alone time with her or fighting for her like the other men in the scene. Ali even told Frank that she “doesn’t even see him”at all during their group dates and that he is actually “non-existent.” Wow – that is one word no guy should EVER want to be called on a date. Frank was trying to play it cool and relax, and but the fact is, this IS a competition and just like the real world of dating, there are always other guys vying for a woman’s attention and competing for her. Don’t ever think that you’re the only one, because especially if you’re pursuing an attractive female, she’s probably got other options. You never know how much harder another guy is pursuing her or how creative or aggressive he is about it. So, YOU need to be the one that gets her by making yourself stand out, and by being assertive about it and making things HAPPEN with her. Make yourself and your intentions known. Understand the definition of “pursue,” – and do that! The one that persistently – and creatively – pursues, is the one who gets the prize. (But note, I say, “persistently” and “creatively” pursue… not desperately

1. Ty’s great display of Alpha Male Manliness: On their “group date” with Ali, 8 of the men and Ali went horseback-riding in Iceland’s mountainous terrain. Ty went into the date saying, “I’m definitely planning on getting that rose.” And with that assertive attitude, with his sights set on his prize, his behavior followed, and he truly shined. He took the lead in the situation, being a sort of Cowboy himself, and helped her get all strapped in, helped her with her saddle, took the time to help out the other guys with theirs, and literally “took the reigns” the whole time. He stood out as the leader in this date because he simply grabbed the bull by the horns and handled everything, like a man should. He was caring, attentive, and always there to get her back or anyone else’s (including Chris L who fell off his horse), but without being smothering or needy mind you, just in a masculine, Alpha Male kind of way. Ali’s words epitomized how women feel when they’re around a real man like that who assumes the leadership role and “handles things like a man”: “I just like how he’s always caring for me and making sure I’m OK. I LOVE that.” Kudos Ty, for stepping up to the plate. Very sexy. Men, you can learn from this. When you’re attentive to a woman, you can notice opportunities left and right for you to take the lead or handle a situation and look like the man, and she’ll be putty in your hands.

1. Casey’s Continued Creepiness: OMG… Need I say more?? Mistake #1 – This guy got a TATTOO. Yes, he ran out and, after knowing Ali for less than a few weeks, got a tattoo that’s representative of her, the rose ceremony and the 11 bachelors that were left. Um, can we say, CRAZY? He got it to prove to Ali that he is “genuine” and “for real.” He said he wanted to “be the man of her dreams.” Well, there’s other ways to show that you’re genuine and for real – besides showing her you’re a nutcase. He literally is wearing his heart (tattoo) on his sleeve. The only thing he’s proving to her is emotional instability. Men…. Do not follow suit. This is no way to impress a woman. The only thing it’ll get you is a hefty bill for the tattoo removal when she dumps you. Mistake #2: And if that wasn’t bad enough, he continues to pour his heart out to Ali and profess his deep, intense, creepy feelings to her and singing an (off-key) song he made up for her…. Even AFTER she’s asked him to “take a step back.”  Is it any surprise that she ditched him at the end? Men can take a lesson from this freak – Less is more. Women like a challenge just like men do, and men who come on too strong too soon get put in the creepy/stalker category.  Unlike how many movies portray, the way to “prove” to a woman that you’re a great guy is not by being a sensitive basket-case pouring out your feelings to her & pulling desperate stunts, at least not in the beginning. Show some self-control and inner strength, and we’ll respect you much more for it.

1. Ali breaking the Golden Gushing Rule Again: Ali, girl, oops you did it again! Whenever she’s with the sexy Roberto, she has this terrible tendency to gush all over him, saturate him with compliments and feed his ego. Again, she broke the rule that we discussed last week. While spending some alone time with him, while staring up at him starry-eyed & insecure, she asked him, “If we weren’t on the show, would you ever even approach me? Would you date me?” Then she proceeded to telling him, “I don’t think I would ever approach you, because I would think that you’re too HOT for me!” Omg Ali, big no-no! She immediately devalued herself by saying this and lowered her own attraction. You telling someone that they are too hot for you is only going to make them believe the exact same thing – and look for someone they thing is ‘on their level,’ which, apparently isn’t YOU.  Tisk, tisk.

1. ALL the Guys – And their Lack of Touching: Whenever Ali was sitting on the couch with one of the guys, having alone time with them individually, none of them ever did any touching when next to her. Men can learn from this, because men (and women for that matter) in this position can greatly elevate the level of attraction a woman feels toward you simply by adding some mild touching in the situation. Lightly running your fingertips down her arm while she’s looking at you and talking, rubbing her shoulder a bit, putting your hand on hers or putting her hands on your thigh while talking; you want to get your date comfortable with your touch early on so gradually increased physical contact is welcomed and feels natural and good. The more frequently you touch her, the more she’ll see you as a romantic, sexual prospect and the more “sparks” your date will feel like you have. So take these opportunities, men. If one of these guys did this, he would definitely have increased his bond and connection with Ali.

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5 Love Lessons we Can Learn from The Bachelorette!

5 Dating & Love Lessons we Can Learn from the Bachelorette

As I was watching The Bachelorette Monday night with a group of my girlfriends, and of course, adding my commentary and predictions with every scene, I realized yet again just how many lessons we can take from the show and how many Do’s, Don’ts and massive faux pas there are among the bachelors and bachelorettes. So I’m going to recap week by week the best and worst dating lessons we can learn from every week’s episode.

From Monday night’s episode…

1. The Weatherman’s Kissing Fumble:

Oh. My. What a cringe-worthy mess this was. So just to recap, the “Weatherman” was set up for a kiss while he and Ali were filming a music video for the Bare Naked Ladies. Now, how much EASIER could it get?? This guy was TOLD to kiss her, and it was set up in the script! But, the poor little guy was so nervous and uncomfortable; he attempted about 8 painful attempts to lean in and kiss her, but kept chickening out at the last minute. Until finally, Ali had to metaphorically put on the pants and kissed HIM, just to hurry up and get the scene over with as he wasn’t doing the job. (Oh and then to top it off, he cried afterward because he was so embarrassed). And as if that wasn’t bad enough, later on in his 5 minutes of alone time with her, ASKS her if “it would be okay” if he kisses her. (And then says, “But if you don’t want to, I totally understand. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable so it’s up to you…” Of course, now that he has made it all awkward, Ali fiddles a bit, and changes the subject, like almost any other woman would also do when asked if we want to be kissed so weakly like this. Thus, no kiss for the Weatherman.

This guy and his moves scream ‘wussy’ all over it. He fumbled big time here, and there’s no turning back. If you’re going to kiss a girl, Grab her, and GO in for the kiss, with confidence and purpose, no hesitation! Don’t ask her for her “permission;” don’t apologize for a kiss, or hesitate or get tounge-tied, just go for it.  Assume that she wants it. That’s how you demonstrate your masculinity and confidence to her. By acting hesitantly and asking for her permission, you lower your perceived value because you’re showing doubt and insecurity (basically saying to her, I don’t get this chance often with girls, and I think you may say no and reject me, so I’m going to ask you beforehand just in case it’s a no so I can save me from rejection and embarrassment.) That is assuming a ‘No.’ And that’s likely going to seal your fate. But the way to seal your fate as a Yes is to assume a YES with women!

1. Ali Gushing to Roberto about how HOT he is.

Okay, we all know how hot Roberto and his luscious dimples are, but Ali really broke a golden rule here and lowered her own value and attractiveness by gushing to him starry-eyed and saturating him with compliments, telling him how hot and good-looking he is, (“Oh my gosh, you are just so good looking, I don’t know if you know that but you really should because you are just soo good-looking…”) and downright gushing all over him (”Oh my gosh, and you even speak other languages too? Wow!…). Right when you say those things to someone, you’re perceived value goes DOWN. Although they feel flattered and their ego is heavily stroked, they begin to think, “Wow, I must be the best looking person they’ve ever gone out with. They must not normally attract good-looking people…” And then they’re thinking, “Wait, why DON’T they get good-looking people, is there something wrong with them? … Is there something wrong with ME for liking her/him? Maybe I’m too good for her/him…” And down goes your value.

Ali, keep those thoughts to yourself no matter how much he’s racing in your mind. In the beginning and those first crucial dates, when you’re with someone good-looking, you want to avoid the starry-eyed “gushing” like this at all costs. And the better-looking they are, the less you should mention it!  Don’t be a cliché, be the one person that’s a challenge to them. Later on when you’re dating more steadily, you can drop some compliments every now and then, but in the beginning, keep it cool.

1. Justin Hobbling up the hill to Ali’s house.

Now, this guy is a bit of a tool, I admit, BUT I can’t ignore the fact that he did pull a move that was quite ballsy that I’ve got to give him credit for. Since he didn’t get an official ‘alone’ date with Ali all week, he did something that no other guy has done. He actually found out where Ali’s place was, and discreetly hiked over two miles by himself to go see her and get his alone time – WITH a broken leg and crutches, mind you. Now all the other boys in the house did give him crap for it, but the fact is, it is a competition. The guys’ primary purpose there shouldn’t be to make BFFs, it’s to win the lady, and he was the only one ballsy and resourceful enough to take the initiative and MAKE time with her, create the situation that he wanted, when he wasn’t given any. All the other guys simply dealt with what they were given, and didn’t even think to scheme up a plan and find their own way of wooing her, yet this guy did.

So I have to say, tool or not, this was a powerful male move on his part and more men should take heed to his example of creative persistence and male boldness.

1. Hunter‘s Dud Date: Not making a move by the Fireplace or Jacuzzi.

Now this date was just plain awkward. For those who missed it, Ali chose to spend an alone date with Hunter, the quiet gangly guy from Texas. They had a long leisurely date, in which he came over to her pad, and they cooked together, went in the hot tub, and had a romantic setup outside by her fire under the stars complete with blankets and booze and all. Now, they had all the ingredients necessary for romance – champagne, stars, a gorgeous setting, a fire, a hot-tub, and alone time… Yet instead of Hunter making any moves, the only thing you can hear were…crickets, crickets. In the hot tub, the two of them were sitting down side-by-side, both staring straight forward and not talking. No moves were made. By the fire, they were sitting next to each other and he was talking about work and asking her lame questions. Men, this is an example of what NOT to do.

Usually with women, you do NOT get multiple chances. They will only give you one chance, and if the date has any romantic elements to it especially, you better believe that the woman is going to be testing you the whole time to see how you respond and if you’re able to create a romantic vibe, or if you’re just going to act like a friend. Friends hang out in hot tubs, and lovers MAKE out in hot tubs! A guy who wants to let a girl know that he wants more than just friendship takes the initiative and kisses her in the hot tub, as well as other places. A guy who wants a romantic relationship with a girl will take advantage of the fireside setup and put his arm around her, keep her warm and kiss her. He’s going to do things that show her that he’s not going to be seen as just a friend, but as a lover and sexual being with masculine instincts.

Gentlemen, when you’re in those situations, you need to initiate it, and it’s up to YOU whether or not the relationship turns romantic or stays at the friendship level…You set up the scene and create the romantic spark… its not up to her! She is waiting for YOUR cues. Don’t wait for cues from her, and don’t wait for her to say, “Now I would like you to kiss me,” because that is not going to happen from most women, and she is expecting that from YOU. If you’re a shy or reserved guy, and it takes you a while to ‘come out of your shell,’ then realized that women don’t like to waste time, and they are not looking for “friends.”… We have enough of them.  If they are out with you, they are trying to see if you could be a possible boyfriend/husband/sexual partner, period. And they will only give you a few chances at most for you to prove which category you fall into, the possible boyfriend or the friend.

1. Roberto grabbing and kissing her while on the Tightrope.

First off, the date with them begins with a helicopter ride over the canyons, and Roberto played it perfectly by comforting the pretending-to-be-afraid of heights Ali, and kept his cool, looking “protective and manly.” Then after the helicopter ride, it is announced that before they can go eat dinner, they are to walk a treacherous tightrope between two nameless LA skyscrapers. Now instead of freaking out or hyperventilating, crying, or making a big fuss like many guys might tend to do in this situation, Roberto completely kept his cool and confidence and approached the walk with excitement and calmness, which is how a man should always act in situations involving height, spiders, or anything else potentially frightening. It’s a man’s job to keep his calm and cool and be the rock for the woman – never let it be the other way around, no matter how uncomfortable or scared you may really be inside! Kudos, Roberto.

Then, to add to the manly brownie points, while Ali and Roberto were walking the tightrope from building to building on their alone date, hand in hand, they were about to fall 10 stories high while I was getting nauseous, and then Roberto grabs her and pulls her close and while they could have lost balance at any time, plants a long and sensual Spanish kiss on her. The cameras got a great shot of them shakily kissing with the city all around them and below them. What a rush. Now while this could be construed by some as somewhat corny (and dangerous), what Roberto did was a key technique that I teach my client avidly – the importance of creating “BMMs,” or, “Bonding Memorable Moments.”  This was indeed a Bonding Memorable Moment, and an awesome one at that  – anytime that you’re in a situation that is unique, you can use that to create a moment that your date will remember – and associate YOU with those heightened feelings. And the more exciting the stimuli or circumstances are, the more senses and emotions are involved – in this case, fear, excitement, adrenaline – her emotions were soaring in this moment because of all the adrenaline and fear and excitement involved in walking this tightrope – the more MEMORABLE the moment, and the more your date will feel bonded toward you.

So she’s going to associate all those exhilarating, exciting feelings with Roberto, and he’s going to have a huge leg-up (literally) over the other guys who didn’t take advantage of such moments. Good dating move, Roberto!  And Men, take notes

Leave your thoughts, comments, rants and raves below!

Love, DeAnna xo

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Calling San Diego’s most Eligible Singles!

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Presenting The “Tweet your Heart Out” Charity Date Auction Tweetup!

Sponsored by @TheeDatingCoach & @DowntownRob at Stingaree

SEE all the Details & Dates for the Exciting Event!

APPLY to be one of Twitter’s 16 ‘Most Eligible’ Bachelors/ettes! (Or “nominate” someone! Deadline: August 28th)
Simply submit the Form Below! You will then be added and will be notified by august 30th whether you have been chosen or not.

Apply/Nominate someone to be a Bachelor/ette!

1. Gender: (Male or Female)
2. Male Female
3. Your Name(required)
4. Age(required)
5. Current Occupation(required)
6. Email(valid email required)
7. Phone #
8. Twitter Username
9. What makes U a most "Eligible Single" in 140 char's?(required)
10. Upload a PHOTO!

 

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Details on the “Tweet your Heart Out Charity Auction Tweetup“: Now – Sept. 17th

DETAILS: We’re doing a whole new twist on the old charity date auction… ‘Twitter style!’

Twitter will play an integral part of the 4-week event as it will serve in facilitating YOUR participation in it and driving everyone to the live event, which will be the culmination of it! Basically we are going to find & select 16 of San Diego’s “most eligible” single men and women on Twitter, and then through a 4 week campaign, find ‘matches’ for them, who will be revealed and ‘voted’ on by YOU at the culminating live event/Tweetup at Stingaree!

Selecting the 16 most “Eligible” Bachelors & Bachelorettes in San Diego (must be on Twitter!). We will be selecting the Bachelors & Bachelorettes over the next two weeks, from the pool of people who have submitted their entries to us (For details or to be entered in the running as 1 of the Bachelors or Bachelorettes, CLICK Here!) The Bachelors and Bachelorettes we select for the auction will be a mix of ‘average’ San Diego singles along with some local high-profile persons & Personalities!

When the Bachelor/ettes have been selected, they will be revealed and ‘showcased’ HERE on this page, on with their photos, names, & ‘vital stats.’

The “Courting” Phase: August 28th-September 10th. Then over the next two weeks, we will invite everyone to check out the Bachor/ettes that are showcased, and you are encouraged to ‘apply’ to win a date with your favorite Bachelor or Bachelorette! Interested prospects will submit your names and info and picture, along with the “ID #” of the Bachelor or Bachelorette they are applying for, through a simple form set up on the webpage.

“The Matching Phase” : September 10th-17th. After the 2 weeks of “courting” are up, which will be a week before the event, we will go through all the submissions of those who have bid on/applied for dates with the Bachelor/ettes, and select the TOP 3 ‘Finalists’ for each Bachelor/ette (based on the Bachelor/ettes ideal ‘criteria’ that they gave us in the beginning!).

The Live Event & “Voting”! THEN…on September 17th, we will have the live event/Tweetup at Stingaree! The main highlight of the party will be, of course, the live showcasing of the Bachelors & Bachelorettes, where they come up on the catwalk one by one as the EMCEES (DowntownRob & DeAnna Lorraine) run down their bios and ‘vital stats.’

And then, the most exciting part will be what comes next – the “Unveiling of the Matches” –The EMCEES will bring unveil the “Top 3” ‘matches’ or candidates that they have selected, for each Bachelor & Bachelorette (no one has seen who the finalists are yet).

In a fashion similar to ‘The Dating Show,’ the candidates will go up on stage centered around their corresponding Bachelor or Bachelorette, and ‘compete’ by answering some fun trivia questions or other requests by the Bachelor/ette at hand. And based on their answers & how they act, the audience will vote for who they think would make the best match and win the date along with a fabulous Date Package from sponsors!

With that said…Now accepting applicants for the Bachelor/ettes of The Month!

“Courting Period”: August 26th – September 10th. When you will “Bid” on your favorite Single!

Actual Live Event & Tweetup: Thursday, September 17th at Stingaree!

Questions about anything? Want to contact the organizer?

Call: (866) 922-1188 or EMAIL and we will respond promptly

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