How I would Coach The Bachelorette’s Men!

Here’s what I would say to the 2 Gentlemen runners-up on The Bachelorette… If I were their Coach!

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New Video: My Thoughts on the Bachelorette Final 4 Men

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More Bachelorette Dating Faux Pas: Episode 6!

The Bachelorette Recap in Dating Do’s & Dont’s!

Episode 6

1. Justin and his Two-Timing: Wow… I don’t even think the word “Tool” with a capitol “T” could sum up this poor excuse for a man. We discovered that he got on the show with a big scheme of going on the show purely for the purpose of “becoming famous,” and once he made it to the ‘top 3,’ he was planning on ditching Ali – and running off and marrying his girlfriend – yes, girlfriend, of two years! And then if that wasn’t bad enough…it turns out he has had another girlfriend too! Wow, this is karma at its greatest. Let this be a lesson to everyone that what goes around really does come around. And relationship karma, especially, is quite the bitch. Another lesson here: Women TALK. You never want to mess with a woman scorned. Women will do whatever it takes to make sure that no other woman will touch you with a 10-foot pole – and Ali made sure of this, by calling him out and giving it to him on national TV. Nice work Ali!

1. Craig’s Fun but “Friend”-ly Date: With Craig’s one-on-one date with Ali, they had a nice time and went to some romantic spots, and even watched a fireworks display from the rooftop of their boat cruise. Everything was set up to BE romantic… Yet … there was no actual sparks. Every time they shot Ali and Craig together, they were having pleasant conversations and he was making her laugh, often even putting his arms around her and holding her, but it seemed like every time he was about to go in for a kiss or when there was definitely an opportunity to… he chickened out and gave her a cheek hug instead. Whether it was nerves or lack of confidence or know-how, he didn’t just execute, didn’t just GO in for it. And when guys just stick in that PG zone of putting their arm around you, hugging you and holding you, but never just confidently put the romantic moves on and kick it up a notch, guess what… She’s going to only think of you as a kind of guy she could hug and laugh with, but not kiss. Thus… into the Friend Zone you get placed. So it was no surprise to me that out of all the guys remaining, Ali chose to let Craig go in the rose ceremony; and her reason? “The romance is just not there.” And her words, were the romantic kiss of death… “He’s a great guy. He’s so funny, so sweet…” Words that you don’t want to hear as a man!

1. Roberto’s Ever-Comforting Moves: When Ali stormed into the men’s hotel suite fuming and in tears (I literally thought I saw traces of steam coming out of her ears), calling out Justin to the group, Roberto offered great support by putting his big strong arms around her and comforting her, letting her know that “It’s Okay, everything’s going to be fine.”  You could tell she seemed to calm down a bit after that and she appreciated the comforting touch. Lesson learned here: ALL women appreciate that! Props to Roberto again, for seizing an opportunity to act like the Man and show her that he can be her rock. The other guys just sat there in stupor. But who is she going to remember most in the situation? The guy who made her feel safe and supported. Men, grab as many opportunities as possible to show a woman that you can BE there for her, and she will feel safe and good around you… and you WILL end up being there for her, in the end.

1. Frank  Lugging his Rug: As Frank and Ali were shopping around in the Bazarre in Turkey, they found themselves in a little rug store and got cornered by an aggressive Turkish man trying to sell him a rug. Frank kept on repeating over and over again to the camera that he wasn’t going to buy this rug, that he had no need for a rug, and there was no way he was going to carry that around for the rest of the date. …But alas, the next scene that follows shows poor Frank walking away carrying this 10-foot rug on his shoulders. Note to men – don’t get suckered into something that you don’t want to do or buy in front of your girl. We’ll begin to wonder where your backbone is. On the flip side though, Frank did do a great job in his date of being lots of fun and high-energy, upbeat, and spontaneous. He always held her close and kissed her a lot, grabbed her hand tight and led her through the crowds, and treated her like she was already his girlfriend, which is what helps a woman actually associate you with being her boyfriend and what will likely pull him ahead of the competition.

1. Ali’s Fighting Faux Pas: On the group date with the 6 guys, after the poor guys had already spent the whole day on their feet touring historical sites of Istanbul, Ali informed them that she was taking them to a ‘Big Surprise.’ And as it turned out… this “big surprise” was a group of 6 oiled and shirtless Turkish men, or, professional “Olive-Oil Wrestlers,” waiting to oil-wrestle the guys, on the ground in the freezing cold. Talk about a buzz-kill! Then after the guys got crushed by these professional men who were no match for them, she announced that they now had to fight – each other! I’m sorry, but that just wasn’t a very cool girl move, I don’t care who you are. It’s enough that these men have to fight for her and woo her every day on national television, and jump through hoops for her every episode, but then to have to physically fight for her after a long day of sightseeing and then fight their own buddies, who they’ve grown to be their comrades? I thought that was a little cruel and unusual. If you give men enough of a prize, they will fight for you anyway and will want to do it on their own merit, but if you force a guy to fight for you, that may very likely only create resentment in him and have the opposite effect. Boo.

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10 Ways to Enhance your Romance… With YOURSELF!

10 Ways to Enhance the Romance… With Yourself! (See article below)

By: ME!

In the hustle and bustle of today’s world we live in, with our Blackberries and I-Phones going off 24/7, emails flooding through, people stealing our attention and overload of information, Internet distractions, and celebrity gossip, we can get lost in all the mayhem of our lives, and as a result, lose touch with ourselves. But when you lose touch with yourself, you lose touch with your energy, and the very essence of you, the very thing that makes you attractive to other people, to the opposite sex, and to the things that you WANT in your life. You lose your personal magnetism.

You must keep that flame within YOURSELF hot and burning, always; you need to maintain your connection with yourself. You may think that the most important thing in this world is your connection with other people, and with your partner or the opposite sex, but let me tell you, in order to have that strong and beautiful connection with another… You first MUST have that strong, healthy and beautiful connection with your SELF. That comes first and foremost. And, you should know that those people with the highest level of self-awareness and self-love, are also the ones who are most successful with attracting the opposite sex and have the best, more amazing and lasting romantic relationships.

So, you NEED to make it a priority to take time out of your busy life and CONNECT with yourself. Make IT A HIGH priority. I promise you, doing this regularly and consistently you will see a dramatic improvement in the overall quality of your life and level of happiness, a lift in your confidence, and your love life will begin to thrive.

10 Ways to Enhance the Romance… With Yourself!

1. 1. Make a nightly date with yourself. Yes, make a “date” with yourself, on either a nightly, or a minimum of a weekly, basis; schedule it into your planner, and honor it every time, treating it like you would a date with another person. And don’t flake on yourself! This is a priority. You will see the cumulative affect over time.

1. 2.   Turn OFF the TV & Turn off your phone or put it on silent – Treat it just like a real date! Think about how much time you eat up during the day – while driving in your car, while walking to someplace, or in line waiting for something, etc. – and talking on your phone to someone. Your inner self is screaming for some alone time, yet you’re always preoccupied with other people and things, and eating any potential alone time by gabbing away on your cell or answering emails. So when it’s your date with yourself, give yourself the respect it deserves and turn off all distractions, so you can really be present and focus on yourself. This may take some getting used to for you busy-bees and workaholics, but avoid the temptations to turn on distractions and simply be alone with yourself and your thoughts. You will come to enjoy it and this alone time will give you some much-needed clarity and focus.

1. 3.   Slip on something sexy & intimate. Put on something that feels good. Whether it be lingerie, or a silk slip or a cozy bathrobe. The more pleasing it is on the skin and the eyes, the better for your mood. When you put on something that makes you feel good and feel sexy, even when you’re by yourself, you will feel a shift in your mood and you will feel more beautiful, more powerful and more confident from the inside out.

1. 4.    Set the Mood – Yes, just like you would (or should!) a date with the opposite sex, it’s important to also set the mood for being with yourself. It will help you to quiet down and relax, and connect with your intimate, spiritual self. Some great ways that I recommend setting the mood are the following:

• • Light candles – Put some scented votive candles around your room (I have a bunch that I spread out on my windowsill, dressers, and nightstand).
  • Music! Put on a favorite song or music mix. I usually alternate between softer meditation music or light trance/European house music, depending on my mood or the mood I want to get in. I really like Karunesh.
  • Choose a favorite fragrance, scented candle and/or incense. Use the same fragrance for every date. Let this be your signature fragrance and the signal to your mind that this fragrance means it’s “Me” time, and it’s time to reconnect with yourself. Some great fragrances I recommend are Lavender or Vanilla, which are known for their relaxation abilities and smell delicious too.

1. 5. Pamper yourself:  Soak in a stimulating Bath – Draw yourself a beautiful hot bath. And just allow yourself to actually relax in it and literally soak it up. Put your watch away. Put a candle or two by the bathtub and have the music on. For an extra stimulating bath, I also recommend getting fizzy scented bath salts, oils or “bath bombs.” Putting these in your bath will make for an even more decadent experience! (Recommendation: Try one of these delicious & invigorating Bath Bombs, from Lux Naturals, my favorite place for all things bath and body – http://www.luxnaturals.com/bath-and-body.html Then after your bath, rub in one of their sumptuous home-made body butter bars as it melts into your skin. Mmmmm…)

1. 6.       Read: Reading helps quiet your mind and relax you. While I recommend reading a self-improvement or personal growth book, a romance novel or some good poetry or magazine will be fine as well.

1. 7.      Treat Yourself… Indulge a little. Eat something appealing to the senses, and if you can cook it, that’s all the better as cooking can be very therapeutic. But if you’re not into cooking, you can just get take-out. Either way, treat yourself to something that makes you happy to eat, and has a lot of flavor, like seafood pasta or sushi, frozen yogurt, vanilla ice cream, dark chocolate, chocolate-covered strawberries, or other fruit. The following are some recommendations of foods that actually physically make you feel better and happier and elevate your mood: eating fish especially such as sushi or salmon, will physically make you feel better:

• • Deep-sea Fish, such as Salmon: Deep-sea fish contain ample amounts of Omega-3 Fatty acids, which have a plethora of health benefits and elevate your mood.
  • Real Dark Chocolate (best to get is 75% or more pure dark chocolate, not the commercialized ‘dark’ chocolate).  Dark chocolate helps release dopamine and endorphins in your brain, which are those natural feel-good chemicals and natural painkillers!
  • A glass of Champagne or wine, preferably red wine. Red Wine is an especially rich source of Antioxidants and also releases dopamine. Woohoo.

1. 8.      Love yourself…Admire yourself…Make a list of at least 3 things you find sexy or beautiful about yourself. Write it down. Put it somewhere that you’ll see it like your dresser mirror. Compliment yourself!

1. 9.      Respect yourself… Make a list of at least 3 things that you respect yourself for, or that you are proud of yourself for doing in this past week. It’s good to be continuously impressed with your own self and in admiration of yourself. The more you respect yourself and take time to appreciate and admire yourself, the more good things will keep coming to you and the more successful you’ll be in life.

1. 10. Tap into your Inner Creativity – Being near water, especially moving water, stimulates creativity and ideas to flow. This is why drawing a bath is important, or sitting next to an ocean or lake, or even simulating the effect by purchasing one of those small plug-in waterfalls that you can put in your room and turn on when it’s time. You can buy these for about $10 at many drug stores or Target. With that creativity and this inner peace that you’re generating on your date, use it. Take a pen and write something, write a song or write a poem or short story. Draw or paint something. Create something or design something. Here are some suggestions of things to do that will help stimulate your creativity and tap into your inner creativity and desires, and manifest them!

1. Write out your Top 10 biggest goals for this year for you, in detail. Be specific and paint a descriptive picture of what the end-result of the goal will look and feel like to you.

1. Create a Vision Board. Get out a large white board or piece of paper, and go through magazines, newspapers, or online, and cut out all those things that represent your goals and where you want to ne in a given area. For instance, cut out pictures of $100 bills, of a beach in Tahiti, a couple kissing, the car that you’re dreaming of, it. Paste them onto your Vision Board in a way that feels good and inspires you to attain them, then put the Vision Board somewhere where you can see. You can always keep coming back to it and add to it and modify it.

1. Create positive affirmations for yourself, and say them out loud. It is a truth that what we tell ourselves, we believe. By creating healthy, positive affirmations and doing a regular daily practice of repeating them, any old dialogue you have that’s negative or unhealthy will wane in its power and will be replaced by a much stronger, confident, competent, dialogue  that is receptive to attracting success! At least give it a try.

Alright…. Go have fun on your Date!

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More Bachelorette Dating Do’s & Dont’s!

The Bachelorette Recap in Dating Do’s & Don’ts!

This Week’s episode: June 21st

1. Frank and his “Non-Existent” Date: “On this date, When Frank was on his group date, he definitely took a back seat to all the other guys. He remained quiet, kind of a shadow in the wings, and wasn’t making himself known, asserting himself to make alone time with her or fighting for her like the other men in the scene. Ali even told Frank that she “doesn’t even see him”at all during their group dates and that he is actually “non-existent.” Wow – that is one word no guy should EVER want to be called on a date. Frank was trying to play it cool and relax, and but the fact is, this IS a competition and just like the real world of dating, there are always other guys vying for a woman’s attention and competing for her. Don’t ever think that you’re the only one, because especially if you’re pursuing an attractive female, she’s probably got other options. You never know how much harder another guy is pursuing her or how creative or aggressive he is about it. So, YOU need to be the one that gets her by making yourself stand out, and by being assertive about it and making things HAPPEN with her. Make yourself and your intentions known. Understand the definition of “pursue,” – and do that! The one that persistently – and creatively – pursues, is the one who gets the prize. (But note, I say, “persistently” and “creatively” pursue… not desperately

1. Ty’s great display of Alpha Male Manliness: On their “group date” with Ali, 8 of the men and Ali went horseback-riding in Iceland’s mountainous terrain. Ty went into the date saying, “I’m definitely planning on getting that rose.” And with that assertive attitude, with his sights set on his prize, his behavior followed, and he truly shined. He took the lead in the situation, being a sort of Cowboy himself, and helped her get all strapped in, helped her with her saddle, took the time to help out the other guys with theirs, and literally “took the reigns” the whole time. He stood out as the leader in this date because he simply grabbed the bull by the horns and handled everything, like a man should. He was caring, attentive, and always there to get her back or anyone else’s (including Chris L who fell off his horse), but without being smothering or needy mind you, just in a masculine, Alpha Male kind of way. Ali’s words epitomized how women feel when they’re around a real man like that who assumes the leadership role and “handles things like a man”: “I just like how he’s always caring for me and making sure I’m OK. I LOVE that.” Kudos Ty, for stepping up to the plate. Very sexy. Men, you can learn from this. When you’re attentive to a woman, you can notice opportunities left and right for you to take the lead or handle a situation and look like the man, and she’ll be putty in your hands.

1. Casey’s Continued Creepiness: OMG… Need I say more?? Mistake #1 – This guy got a TATTOO. Yes, he ran out and, after knowing Ali for less than a few weeks, got a tattoo that’s representative of her, the rose ceremony and the 11 bachelors that were left. Um, can we say, CRAZY? He got it to prove to Ali that he is “genuine” and “for real.” He said he wanted to “be the man of her dreams.” Well, there’s other ways to show that you’re genuine and for real – besides showing her you’re a nutcase. He literally is wearing his heart (tattoo) on his sleeve. The only thing he’s proving to her is emotional instability. Men…. Do not follow suit. This is no way to impress a woman. The only thing it’ll get you is a hefty bill for the tattoo removal when she dumps you. Mistake #2: And if that wasn’t bad enough, he continues to pour his heart out to Ali and profess his deep, intense, creepy feelings to her and singing an (off-key) song he made up for her…. Even AFTER she’s asked him to “take a step back.”  Is it any surprise that she ditched him at the end? Men can take a lesson from this freak – Less is more. Women like a challenge just like men do, and men who come on too strong too soon get put in the creepy/stalker category.  Unlike how many movies portray, the way to “prove” to a woman that you’re a great guy is not by being a sensitive basket-case pouring out your feelings to her & pulling desperate stunts, at least not in the beginning. Show some self-control and inner strength, and we’ll respect you much more for it.

1. Ali breaking the Golden Gushing Rule Again: Ali, girl, oops you did it again! Whenever she’s with the sexy Roberto, she has this terrible tendency to gush all over him, saturate him with compliments and feed his ego. Again, she broke the rule that we discussed last week. While spending some alone time with him, while staring up at him starry-eyed & insecure, she asked him, “If we weren’t on the show, would you ever even approach me? Would you date me?” Then she proceeded to telling him, “I don’t think I would ever approach you, because I would think that you’re too HOT for me!” Omg Ali, big no-no! She immediately devalued herself by saying this and lowered her own attraction. You telling someone that they are too hot for you is only going to make them believe the exact same thing – and look for someone they thing is ‘on their level,’ which, apparently isn’t YOU.  Tisk, tisk.

1. ALL the Guys – And their Lack of Touching: Whenever Ali was sitting on the couch with one of the guys, having alone time with them individually, none of them ever did any touching when next to her. Men can learn from this, because men (and women for that matter) in this position can greatly elevate the level of attraction a woman feels toward you simply by adding some mild touching in the situation. Lightly running your fingertips down her arm while she’s looking at you and talking, rubbing her shoulder a bit, putting your hand on hers or putting her hands on your thigh while talking; you want to get your date comfortable with your touch early on so gradually increased physical contact is welcomed and feels natural and good. The more frequently you touch her, the more she’ll see you as a romantic, sexual prospect and the more “sparks” your date will feel like you have. So take these opportunities, men. If one of these guys did this, he would definitely have increased his bond and connection with Ali.

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5 Love Lessons we Can Learn from The Bachelorette!

5 Dating & Love Lessons we Can Learn from the Bachelorette

As I was watching The Bachelorette Monday night with a group of my girlfriends, and of course, adding my commentary and predictions with every scene, I realized yet again just how many lessons we can take from the show and how many Do’s, Don’ts and massive faux pas there are among the bachelors and bachelorettes. So I’m going to recap week by week the best and worst dating lessons we can learn from every week’s episode.

From Monday night’s episode…

1. The Weatherman’s Kissing Fumble:

Oh. My. What a cringe-worthy mess this was. So just to recap, the “Weatherman” was set up for a kiss while he and Ali were filming a music video for the Bare Naked Ladies. Now, how much EASIER could it get?? This guy was TOLD to kiss her, and it was set up in the script! But, the poor little guy was so nervous and uncomfortable; he attempted about 8 painful attempts to lean in and kiss her, but kept chickening out at the last minute. Until finally, Ali had to metaphorically put on the pants and kissed HIM, just to hurry up and get the scene over with as he wasn’t doing the job. (Oh and then to top it off, he cried afterward because he was so embarrassed). And as if that wasn’t bad enough, later on in his 5 minutes of alone time with her, ASKS her if “it would be okay” if he kisses her. (And then says, “But if you don’t want to, I totally understand. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable so it’s up to you…” Of course, now that he has made it all awkward, Ali fiddles a bit, and changes the subject, like almost any other woman would also do when asked if we want to be kissed so weakly like this. Thus, no kiss for the Weatherman.

This guy and his moves scream ‘wussy’ all over it. He fumbled big time here, and there’s no turning back. If you’re going to kiss a girl, Grab her, and GO in for the kiss, with confidence and purpose, no hesitation! Don’t ask her for her “permission;” don’t apologize for a kiss, or hesitate or get tounge-tied, just go for it.  Assume that she wants it. That’s how you demonstrate your masculinity and confidence to her. By acting hesitantly and asking for her permission, you lower your perceived value because you’re showing doubt and insecurity (basically saying to her, I don’t get this chance often with girls, and I think you may say no and reject me, so I’m going to ask you beforehand just in case it’s a no so I can save me from rejection and embarrassment.) That is assuming a ‘No.’ And that’s likely going to seal your fate. But the way to seal your fate as a Yes is to assume a YES with women!

1. Ali Gushing to Roberto about how HOT he is.

Okay, we all know how hot Roberto and his luscious dimples are, but Ali really broke a golden rule here and lowered her own value and attractiveness by gushing to him starry-eyed and saturating him with compliments, telling him how hot and good-looking he is, (“Oh my gosh, you are just so good looking, I don’t know if you know that but you really should because you are just soo good-looking…”) and downright gushing all over him (”Oh my gosh, and you even speak other languages too? Wow!…). Right when you say those things to someone, you’re perceived value goes DOWN. Although they feel flattered and their ego is heavily stroked, they begin to think, “Wow, I must be the best looking person they’ve ever gone out with. They must not normally attract good-looking people…” And then they’re thinking, “Wait, why DON’T they get good-looking people, is there something wrong with them? … Is there something wrong with ME for liking her/him? Maybe I’m too good for her/him…” And down goes your value.

Ali, keep those thoughts to yourself no matter how much he’s racing in your mind. In the beginning and those first crucial dates, when you’re with someone good-looking, you want to avoid the starry-eyed “gushing” like this at all costs. And the better-looking they are, the less you should mention it!  Don’t be a cliché, be the one person that’s a challenge to them. Later on when you’re dating more steadily, you can drop some compliments every now and then, but in the beginning, keep it cool.

1. Justin Hobbling up the hill to Ali’s house.

Now, this guy is a bit of a tool, I admit, BUT I can’t ignore the fact that he did pull a move that was quite ballsy that I’ve got to give him credit for. Since he didn’t get an official ‘alone’ date with Ali all week, he did something that no other guy has done. He actually found out where Ali’s place was, and discreetly hiked over two miles by himself to go see her and get his alone time – WITH a broken leg and crutches, mind you. Now all the other boys in the house did give him crap for it, but the fact is, it is a competition. The guys’ primary purpose there shouldn’t be to make BFFs, it’s to win the lady, and he was the only one ballsy and resourceful enough to take the initiative and MAKE time with her, create the situation that he wanted, when he wasn’t given any. All the other guys simply dealt with what they were given, and didn’t even think to scheme up a plan and find their own way of wooing her, yet this guy did.

So I have to say, tool or not, this was a powerful male move on his part and more men should take heed to his example of creative persistence and male boldness.

1. Hunter‘s Dud Date: Not making a move by the Fireplace or Jacuzzi.

Now this date was just plain awkward. For those who missed it, Ali chose to spend an alone date with Hunter, the quiet gangly guy from Texas. They had a long leisurely date, in which he came over to her pad, and they cooked together, went in the hot tub, and had a romantic setup outside by her fire under the stars complete with blankets and booze and all. Now, they had all the ingredients necessary for romance – champagne, stars, a gorgeous setting, a fire, a hot-tub, and alone time… Yet instead of Hunter making any moves, the only thing you can hear were…crickets, crickets. In the hot tub, the two of them were sitting down side-by-side, both staring straight forward and not talking. No moves were made. By the fire, they were sitting next to each other and he was talking about work and asking her lame questions. Men, this is an example of what NOT to do.

Usually with women, you do NOT get multiple chances. They will only give you one chance, and if the date has any romantic elements to it especially, you better believe that the woman is going to be testing you the whole time to see how you respond and if you’re able to create a romantic vibe, or if you’re just going to act like a friend. Friends hang out in hot tubs, and lovers MAKE out in hot tubs! A guy who wants to let a girl know that he wants more than just friendship takes the initiative and kisses her in the hot tub, as well as other places. A guy who wants a romantic relationship with a girl will take advantage of the fireside setup and put his arm around her, keep her warm and kiss her. He’s going to do things that show her that he’s not going to be seen as just a friend, but as a lover and sexual being with masculine instincts.

Gentlemen, when you’re in those situations, you need to initiate it, and it’s up to YOU whether or not the relationship turns romantic or stays at the friendship level…You set up the scene and create the romantic spark… its not up to her! She is waiting for YOUR cues. Don’t wait for cues from her, and don’t wait for her to say, “Now I would like you to kiss me,” because that is not going to happen from most women, and she is expecting that from YOU. If you’re a shy or reserved guy, and it takes you a while to ‘come out of your shell,’ then realized that women don’t like to waste time, and they are not looking for “friends.”… We have enough of them.  If they are out with you, they are trying to see if you could be a possible boyfriend/husband/sexual partner, period. And they will only give you a few chances at most for you to prove which category you fall into, the possible boyfriend or the friend.

1. Roberto grabbing and kissing her while on the Tightrope.

First off, the date with them begins with a helicopter ride over the canyons, and Roberto played it perfectly by comforting the pretending-to-be-afraid of heights Ali, and kept his cool, looking “protective and manly.” Then after the helicopter ride, it is announced that before they can go eat dinner, they are to walk a treacherous tightrope between two nameless LA skyscrapers. Now instead of freaking out or hyperventilating, crying, or making a big fuss like many guys might tend to do in this situation, Roberto completely kept his cool and confidence and approached the walk with excitement and calmness, which is how a man should always act in situations involving height, spiders, or anything else potentially frightening. It’s a man’s job to keep his calm and cool and be the rock for the woman – never let it be the other way around, no matter how uncomfortable or scared you may really be inside! Kudos, Roberto.

Then, to add to the manly brownie points, while Ali and Roberto were walking the tightrope from building to building on their alone date, hand in hand, they were about to fall 10 stories high while I was getting nauseous, and then Roberto grabs her and pulls her close and while they could have lost balance at any time, plants a long and sensual Spanish kiss on her. The cameras got a great shot of them shakily kissing with the city all around them and below them. What a rush. Now while this could be construed by some as somewhat corny (and dangerous), what Roberto did was a key technique that I teach my client avidly – the importance of creating “BMMs,” or, “Bonding Memorable Moments.”  This was indeed a Bonding Memorable Moment, and an awesome one at that  – anytime that you’re in a situation that is unique, you can use that to create a moment that your date will remember – and associate YOU with those heightened feelings. And the more exciting the stimuli or circumstances are, the more senses and emotions are involved – in this case, fear, excitement, adrenaline – her emotions were soaring in this moment because of all the adrenaline and fear and excitement involved in walking this tightrope – the more MEMORABLE the moment, and the more your date will feel bonded toward you.

So she’s going to associate all those exhilarating, exciting feelings with Roberto, and he’s going to have a huge leg-up (literally) over the other guys who didn’t take advantage of such moments. Good dating move, Roberto!  And Men, take notes

Leave your thoughts, comments, rants and raves below!

Love, DeAnna xo

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8 Sexy Summer Dates to Heat up your Romance!

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8 Sexy Summer Dates to Heat up your Romance! (By DeAnna)

Woohoo! Summer is here already and it’s the perfect time for heating things up, whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been married for years. Here’s some ultra- hot and creative (and low-budget) Summer dates that’ll help your relationship heat up right along with the weather!

1. A Star-Gazing Picnic. This date is so easy and low-budget, you can do it right in your own backyard! And Summer is great for meteor showers and planetary happenings. Take your honey and pack up a bottle (or three) of wine, some appetizers or dinner, dark chocolate and a blanket. (Optional romance-enhancing add-ons: Candles and a telescope or binoculars.) Then hike on down to your backyard, the beach, or the top of a hill, and enjoy a beautiful sunset over drinks and dinner followed up with an evening of star-gazing.

1. The Retro Date: The summer is the perfect time for a little out-doors action! Pack up a dinner for two or enough for a double-date, take a convertible or pickup truck to a Drive-in movie theatre, and get cozy while you eat, drink, snuggle, and enjoy a movie or two together under the stars while making out like teenagers. (Bonus – Rent an old Classic car for the evening!)

1. Spanish Fiesta Date. Pretend like you’re in Spain and recapture that far-from-home vacation feeling by dressing up in skimpy Summery attire and whipping up an ice-cold carafe of fresh Spanish Sangria, have some Spanish romantic guitar playing in the background, and slowly seducing your lover’s appetite with savory Tapas (or little Spanish plates) like Spanish meatballs, ham and cheese, Chorizo and Croquettes, and Garlic-stuffed Olives (my personal faves!) Mmm….

1. The Wet-and-Wild Date! Getting wet and wild is always fun, and helps rekindle that playful side that may often get stifled in times of stress throughout the year. Grab your man and take him to a pool, a beach, a lake or a nearby water-park, and just spend the day frolicking and playing under the hot sun.

1. Wild Road-Trip it. When’s the last time you rent anywhere new and random? GO somewhere – anywhere! And make it somewhere at least 3 hours away so you can enjoy bonding with your hubby and create some memories while driving. The more random a place you choose, the more fun memories you’re likely to create. Try not to plan it too much, leave any work stuffiness at home, and keep it spontaneous and surprising. And hey, get in a little trouble while you’re at it.

1. Host an Island-Themed Summer Soiree! Make a date in your own backyard by inviting some friends and couples over, make some tropical fruity cocktails and appetizers and set up some Tiki torches and you’ve got yourself a perfectly fun and romantic evening or afternoon of playtime .

1. The Live Music Date. Summer’s the time for outdoor concerts, festivals and live music galore. Checking out some sweet live music with your sweetie makes for a perfect low-budget Summer date, so get out there and enjoy them while the weather’s warm and the mood is right.

1. Couples Camping Trip. Who says you have to stay in a 4-Star hotel to have a fabulously romantic time? There’s nothing sexier than being holed up inside a cozy tent with your lover, out in the middle of nature, with him keeping you warm and making a fire for you (and doing all those primal ‘manly’ things like hunting and fishing for you.) Get a sitter and plan a “couples-only” camping trip with you and another couple or two and get seductively inspired by the nature around you. Preferably go somewhere next to a lake so you can do a little midnight skinny-dipping!

Let me know what you think of these and if you end up trying any of em!

With Love, DeAnna

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‘Stud’ or ‘Dud?’ How do YOU come out looking in our Girl-Talks?

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Ok guys, this one’s for you. I was sitting around the table with a group of my girlfriends last week, drinking wine, eating, and of course, doing one of our (and every girl on the planet’s) favorite past-times; Talking about men. And, more specifically, an “update” on everyone’s most recent dates and current guys they are dating. An evening with girlfriends just wouldn’t be complete without our juicy “Girl Talk.” And by ‘updates’ I mean, every specific nuance of the date – and the man at hand. (We need specifics) And I realized that if a guy were a fly on the wall in our conversations, or any woman’s for that matter, he’d really get a load of priceless insight on what to do and not do to attract women.

YES men, girls talk, and we talk about you. And based on things you do (or DON’T do) on our dates with you…you can come out of a 20-minute girl conversation (complete with “Ooh-ing” and “Aah-ing” or “Boo!-ing”) either looking like a total STUD… or being thrashed and labeled a total DUD. (Hey don’t blame us…It’s just a part of ‘girl bonding!’ Don’t try to tell us you don’t have YOUR own version And if you don’t think our friend’s opinions about the guy we’re dating doesn’t influence our decision about you and whether or not to keep dating you… you’re very naive : )  You’ve got to know that when you date a girl, you’re also essentially ‘dating’ her friends, so how do you want to come out looking? SO… on that note, how’d you like to know what some of those “Stud-Makers” and “Dud-Makers” are that girls discuss about YOU?? Well…there’s a laundry list of too many to list here right now, but I’ll go ahead and list a few of them. (Stay tuned for PART II of Stud or Dud!)

Let’s start with some of those fast and easy “Stud-Makers” that are sure to come up in conversation…

1. Looking SHARP & Put-Together: Most decent women are going to notice whether you looked like you rolled out of bed 10 minutes before the date or you actually put some effort into it. We certainly put effort into looking great for YOU, so we expect you to put in the same effort for us when you show up, okay? Looking sloppy or too casual is fine for hanging out with your boys or after you’re already comfortable with a girl, but for the first few dates, step it up! Even if you’re more of a ‘casual’ or ‘T-shirt’ guy or collared shirts bother your neck or make you feel ‘gay’ – (not that there’s anything wrong with that) -  suck it up for a few hours por favor (because with our 4-inch heels and sporting dresses in the winter, we sure do) and kick it up a notch. You’ve only got one time to make a first impression, and believe it or not you’ll actually stand out and set yourself apart from the other lame guys who pick us up dressed sloppy and carelessly (at the very least check for holes and stains!). And it’s something so simple that you can do that will automatically elevate you to a higher status with her and her friends. You’ll be getting comments from us like, “Yeah, and he actually has STYLE!” and “He actually dressed NICE!” …Which translates to lots of “Oohs” and “Keep dating him!” cheers from her girls.

2. Acts of Gentleman-ly CHIVALRY: Yes, we DO notice when a man is chivalrous or not and does those “Gentleman-ly” gestures, so make sure you open her door for her (car doors and restaurants or venues), and walk her to her door at the end of the date. Also, although some girls may not take you up on it due to safety issues, at least offer to pick her up. These details, while they may seem small or cliche, are ‘cliche’ for a reason – they get our attention, they are appreciated, and they do work in your favor. Doing these gestures shows you are at the very least an upstanding guy who has respect and class; often a rarity to find nowadays, and will turn her friends into your fans. Not doing these things will signal lack of care and respect. Booo.

4. Is a good KISSER: It doesn’t matter if you look like Rob Pattinson or Danny DeVito… a good kiss will sweep a girl off our feet! Go in for the kiss with confidence and certainty, and kiss us like you mean it. Then send us on our way and into our house. You can be certain she’s going to be calling her girls the second she gets into her home with glowing reviews about your A+ kissing skills, they’ll all be rooting for you and wondering what you’re like in bed, and you can pretty much guarantee she’s going to go on another date with you (if for no other reason than to continue kissing where you left off and check out what else you’ve got up your sleeve.) This is a skill that should be mastered, for your benefit.

5. Taking the LEAD, taking “Care” of things, “Handling” things. Okay so we girls just LOVE it when the man we go on a date with really just “HANDLES” things! You’re taking US out, taking control of the evening. From having plans already set to go and either the reservations already set or a few good options for her to choose from (rather than brainstorming on the phone with her about what to do on the date and where she wants to go – attraction declining), to taking the initiative to order drinks and food, if there’s a problem, taking care of it (waitress taking too long to come by? Your date looks cold and doesn’t have a sweater? Take care of it!) and so on. We go dishing to our girls about how we like the fact that you took the lead and took care of things, and you get ’stamped’ by us as a real Man, not a boy.

3. You “Pleased” HER First! Well, this one can be stretched out past the first date since these ‘activities’ may not happen until several dates in, but yes being patient and “generous” in this regard in the beginning will certainly pay off for you. Please her first, and the rewards will come. Plus a whole bunch of praise and “Yay!’s” from her girls. Good stuff!

And now, these following 5 things you do will be brought up, and when they do, will get you BOO!ed right out of her mind:

1. You took her somewhere “lame,” cheap, or cliche. Ambiance is everything with us girls, and we leave it to you guys to set the ’scene’ and cater to our senses. If you take us to somewhere where we’ve probably already been to a bunch of times (like Johnny V’s or World Famous [for you San Diegans], or a generic, cliche chain restaurant like Benni Hana’s or Chevy’s, or a lame or cheap-looking place with a non-romantic atmosphere like one that’s really bright and open with kids running around just because there’s $3 drink specials, our girls are going to here about it, and you’ll probably get docked at least a few points.

2. You were rude to Waiters, Staff or other people: Oh yes, this is a big one often overlooked by guys. We definitely look for how you treat waiters and staff, or other people because we feel it gives us a glimpse into your true character. So be mindful of how you treat them and mind your P’s & Q’s! If you’re rude or arrogant to them, tip them poorly, send back your meal after you’ve eaten half, and so on… that’ll be seen as a glaring ‘Red Flag’ and not go over so kindly.

3. You “Cheaped out” on the bill: On that note, we also talk about how you handle the bill when it’s that time! A lot of guys make it awkward by just letting the bill sit out there on the table for a while gathering dust, or by making comments about the amount or price of the items under your breath as you’re biting your nails: (”Woah, that Chardonnay was pricey!” or “Wow I hope that Creme Brulee was worth it..”), nickel-and-diming over things, and the like. And if you make HER pay for half or accept her offer, (yes, even if she offers) on a first date… the report will not be pretty! It may have even been a great date up till then, which is a shame, because she’ll probably say something to her friends like: “Well it was an awesome date and he SEEMED really great, BUT THEN…he… (”made me pay for half!”) (”was weird about the bill”) (”was cheap!”)…and fill in the blank. In other words, Not a good foot to start out on. When the bill comes, handle it like a man, handle it gracefully, and tip well please. If you need to stress out about it you can stress out about it or throw a stuffed animal later after you’ve dropped her off. It does not go unnoticed by us, and it’ll pay off for you, we promise.

4. Excessive “Name-Dropping”: YOU know who you are – You like to throw around lots of ‘hints’ that you’re ultra-cool or successful or connected – just to make sure she got the memo that you’re a valuable guy to be around. Maybe you throw it out there that you’ve got a yacht or a Limo, you know the bouncers at The Ivy or hottest nightclubs, showing her pictures from your recent trip to Fiji on your i-Phone, your ex-girlfriend was a model, you’ve got two Ferrari’s and a home in Aspen, that whole deal. Well guess what, your gloating doesn’t impress us. A little tactful name-dropping here and there – if it’s relevant – is fine, but subtlety and modesty go a lot further with us in the end than excessive name-dropping, which can come across either like you’re actually NOT that cool so you’re overcompensating for something, or you’re really full of yourself. AKA, very “tool-esque” (yes I just made that word up). If you’re really successful or have valuable traits or assets, we will know or we’ll pick up on it on our own, without you having to throw them right in front of our faces. And when we find out about those assets in a more natural way as they happen to come up, we will be much MORE impressed and turned on, and it will speak much more highly of your character and values.

5. Hitting on or Checking out other Women in front of us: I know, I know, it’s just part of a male’s programming to check out their female ’surroundings’ wherever you go as if at a museum. But I’m telling you so you can be consciously AWARE of it and don’t make this mistake. No you do not have to have your eyes glued on to your date the whole time. A little mystery as to your feelings about her is good and cool. But she will think twice about you if you rubber-neck a girl passing by or give a girl a double-take or a look that lingers a little too long. And it’s cool to be friendly to waiters and staff, her friends and other people, but there’s a line between friendly and TOO friendly, and too friendly is downright disrespectful. If it seems like you’re hitting on them or getting a little too friendly, rest assured she’ll be telling her friends about it and you’ll  be put on the Warning List as a “Potential Player” or “Sleaze,” or other undesirable labels, and will be on close watch for any behaviors that help us ‘confirm’ it!

Do you ladies have any more to add to the list? Share your comments below!

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Reader’s Dating Dilemma of the Week! NEW

Reader Dating Dilemma of the Week: Frustrations with Approaching Women!

Dear Ms. Lorraine,
I’m writing to you because I’m seriously upset and discouraged with the lack of results I’m getting with women and my failures in approaching women. I have been working on getting better at approaching women by trying to say hello to just about every woman I come across, even if their back is to me in some cases.
An incident today sent me over the edge and makes me just want to throw in the towel & just accept my fate of loneliness. So, as I was in line at a take-out place on my way home from work, I made eye contact with the woman that was last in line before she turned her back to me. As she turned her back, I said hello to her. She initially didn’t respond, so I said hello again. She then turned around and said hello.

As I waited in line, the woman in front of me was with the women being waited on at the cash register. During this time the woman waiting at the cash register and the woman in front of me began making eye contact but not saying anything. They began snickering, so I’m assuming it was about me. They had a small boy with them (he had sunglasses on), but I don’t think they were laughing at him.

This has really affected my confidence, and I was feeling pretty good up to that point. I’m depressed about it, and can’t seem to quit dwelling on the situation. Maybe I need wait on this approaching thing until I get in shape or something. I just feel bad about myself right now.

-Tom, 38

DeAnna’s Answer…

Dear Tom,

First of all, I’m really glad that you’ve been taking action on this problem and actively going out and talking to people. That’s where it all starts – with talking to EVERYONE, no matter who they are. As for as what happened, I’m sorry that you feel bad about that and you decided to let that get you down. But in actuality, I consider that a non-incident. First of all, you have no evidence that the lady was even snickering at you to begin with, so to come to that assumption with no evidence is hasty and false, and worse, to let that hasty conclusion with no merit to it bring your self-esteem down and halt the rest of your efforts – is ludicrous! Why are you giving this stranger that you don’t even know and you’ll never see again so much power to affect you?  Aren’t you more powerful and in control of your state you’re your confidence than that?  And aside from that, let’s just say she was in fact snickering at you, perhaps because you said hello twice to her when her back was turned to you, and perhaps she wasn’t in a mood for small-talking or what not…. do you really care? What about if you just laughed to yourself and found it funny instead, patting yourself on the back for trying something new and stepping outside your comfort zone, brushing it off and moving right along to someone else? The fact that you even talked to someone when you wouldn’t have before is an accomplishment; THAT’S what I want you to focus on, these small continuous accomplishments  -  NOT on the actual outcomes. Because there is NO such thing as ‘failure’ my friend –only feedback! You MUST remember this and live this out, because it’s true. LET GO of the outcome and whatever a woman’s reaction is and understand that you’re going to have a heck of a lot more of those along the way, but they’ll get fewer and fewer the more you do and the positive interactions will get  more and more frequent the more approaches you do. It’s called “LEARNING.”

Do you think if you learned to snowboard for the first time you might fall a few times before you could go down the hill? Ummm… yes. You fall DOZENS of times. Just like with EVERY single sport and EVERY new skill and thing that you learn and have ever learned! Did you ever fall a couple times when you first learned to, I don’t know, WALK? Didn’t you fall over a couple of times when you first learned to ride a bike? What would happen if the very first time you fell when learning to ride your bike, you threw a fit, got all depressed, kicked all your gear off and gave up on the whole damn sport simply because you fell once? You’d never learn for one. And for two, you have proven to yourself, time and time again, that your brain is fully capable of learning a new skill. All beings learn. Even clams and plants have a learning curve. The only reason why some people learn a new skill faster than others is because they practice more. That’s all it is.

That also explains why you see every day average looking or even downright unattractive men walking around with beautiful girlfriends or are able to what seems like ‘effortlessly’ approach and charm women. Believe me, they were not somehow born knowing how to do that. Well, most aren’t anyway. It’s only the result of a decision that they made that they wouldn’t let their appearances be a limitation for them anymore and, and the result of practice – doing it over and over again, each time learning from the ‘feedback’ they get and improving and improving each time till they can achieve their desired outcome nearly every time.

And do you think it would make any difference at all if you ‘waited till you were in better shape’ and then tried again a year later? No! because you still have to get through the learning phase regardless, no matter what kind of shape you’re in, and that will always take some falling down; that part’s inevitable and there’s no getting around that. One can never get from A to C without first crossing through B. But you CAN control your attitude through it and the way you deal with the inevitable fallings. If you just have fun with it and laugh when you fall down, learn from the feedback, and try it again you’re going to succeed, accelerate the process, and have a far more enjoyable and positive experience along the way, but if every time you fall you get all depressed and bent out of shape and let it affect your mood and confidence, you’re  going to make it a heck of a lot harder on yourself, you’ll slow down the process and you’ll have a negative & un-enjoyable experience along the way. So why make it harder on yourself David, why not just have fun with it and take each new encounter as another story for the books?

But In order to get over the initial hurt and ‘sting’ of being turned down, you have to face it head on and go through it a number of times, as each time  stings less and less until its completely gone and it doesn’t even phase you. Just like when you work out and use muscles that you haven’t in a while you get sore afterward, but after your muscles and body gets used to the routine, you’re no longer sore after your workout. Well this is the same exact thing! All you have to do is simply pass through this short little beginning stage and then you’re out on the other side – happy and confident, successful with women, and able to approach and attract women easily and effortlessly.

Don’t stop now at this little bump in the road when you’re doing so well, keep going ahead!!

And if you need more help, sign up for my Men’s 90-Day Coaching Plan and we’ll eliminate your approaching issue in less than a few weeks

~DeAnna

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DeAnna Decodes Men & Women’s Secret VALENTINES Language!

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12 Hidden Truths about Valentine’s Day EXPOSED: Mens VS. Womens Valentine’s Experience!

By Dating Coach DeAnna Lorraine

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Want to know what women and men are REALLY thinking, wishing and wanting when it comes to the big day?? Since I “hear it all”  from BOTH sexes, I’ve put together a handy survival guide that decodes common Valentine’s Day phrases and behaviors from girls and guys so you can really know what’s up this year and pass any hidden traps your with flying colors!

#1. It’s known to women as the ‘barometer’ of the relationship. Anything you do and say is a TEST and will reveal how you really feel about her and the relationship. Proceed cautiously and beware of danger traps!

#2. She’s secretly hoping that this is the time you will “prove” your true feelings to her. (Through grandiose romantic overtures, small black boxes with sparkly things inside, serenades and ridiculous displays of red roses.)

#3. It’s a major unspoken competition among women and their friends since the beginning of time – over who’s got the biggest rock, the prettiest roses, the most glamorous dinner, and most romantic (i.e. ‘generous’) boyfriend or husband. You’d better out-do Tony and Joe and make sure she WINS! If your girlfriend loses, YOU lose. And onto the sofa-bed you go.

(Side-note: She says, “Omigosh Sweetie, did you hear what Jessica’s boyfriend got her for Valentine’s?? How sweet!” = This is Code for: “Omigosh Sweetie, Did you see what you now have to do/buy for me so that I can do better than Jessica?? Listen up!”

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#4. She’s looking at how you sign the card – “From?” “Love” or “Best”? “Yours Truly?”  She IS waiting to rip the card open! Write wisely.

#5. She says, “Oh honey, whatever we do is fine. I’ll be happy with anything.” = A Trap! Don’t fall prey to this, oh naïve men.

Interpret as, “You’d better know me well enough to know exactly what I want and plan the most elaborate dinner and Valentine’s evening every or ELSE….” (“or else” = ‘rewards’ taken away.)

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#6. All girls secretly want jewelry on Valentine’s Day– period.

All men secretly want sex on Valentine’s Day – period.

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#7. Most women will hold off on dumping a guy till after Valentine’s Day so they can see can see what kind of a gift and dinner they get.

Most guys will dump a girl before Valentine’s Day so they won’t have to get them dinner or a gift.

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#8. Sorry, Ladies. Your man isn’t making a mad dash to the flower shop to show you how much he cares. The real reason he just dropped $400 on a dozen roses is because he enjoys the comfort of his bed and has no desire to sleep on the couch. They do it because they’re SCARED of what’s going to happen to them if they DON’T.

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#9. Woman receiving Jewelry = “He loves me. He cares!”

Man giving Jewelry = “I’m hoping I’ll get a 3-way tonight.”

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#10. The more expensive and ridiculous the display of roses, teddy bears, or flowers, and the more people are around to see it, the happier she’ll be. She wants to show off the biggest thing possible to as many people as possible.

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#11. Post-Valentine’s Day, Woman’s thoughts: “I wish Valentines Day was every day…”

Post-Valentine’s Day, Man’s thoughts: “I emptied my bank account on Valentine’s Day, and all I got was this lousy stuffed animal.”

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And Truth #12…   If you FORGET the V-day = Forget the V-Jay-Jay.

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