See what’s happening TONIGHT on DeAnna’s Radio Show!

TONIGHT on DeAnna’s own Talk Radio Show:

Tune in Dating Diva DeAnna Lorraine (ME) and her quick-witted male Co-Host, San Diego’s own TV & Radio celeb Carlos Kremer (of Kremer Insurance, San Diego) TONIGHT at 7-8pm PST on Hook up with DeAnna Lorraine! We will also have special guest, Relationship Expert and bonafide COUGAR Expert Lucia, who wrote the book Lucia’s Lessons in Love and has her own radio, The Art of Love! (http://www.TheArtofLove.net ) Listen & watch live as they delve into some juicy dating, relationship & sex-related topics, answer sticky caller & client questions, and solve dating your dating, love, sex & relationship dilemmas live. To WATCH the show streaming live from in the studio, go to http://www.SDOnlineradio.com/ and watch from 7-8p

CALL-In with all your Dating, Love, & Sex related QUESTIONS and dilemmas, at any time during the show! Call toll-free at: (646) 716-9631 11 (646) 7167-9631 (646) 716-9631

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New VIDEO: Secrets for Making Women Hooked on you!

What MEN Can learn from Ali’s choice in the season Finale of The Bachelorette – about how men should create sexy, romantic ‘memorable moments’ with the women you’re dating to make them hooked on you and crazy for you! This is the way to truly win any girl, just like the suave Roberto ultimately won over Ali in the Bachelorette. Men, take notes.

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More Bachelorette Dating Faux Pas: Episode 6!

The Bachelorette Recap in Dating Do’s & Dont’s!

Episode 6

1. Justin and his Two-Timing: Wow… I don’t even think the word “Tool” with a capitol “T” could sum up this poor excuse for a man. We discovered that he got on the show with a big scheme of going on the show purely for the purpose of “becoming famous,” and once he made it to the ‘top 3,’ he was planning on ditching Ali – and running off and marrying his girlfriend – yes, girlfriend, of two years! And then if that wasn’t bad enough…it turns out he has had another girlfriend too! Wow, this is karma at its greatest. Let this be a lesson to everyone that what goes around really does come around. And relationship karma, especially, is quite the bitch. Another lesson here: Women TALK. You never want to mess with a woman scorned. Women will do whatever it takes to make sure that no other woman will touch you with a 10-foot pole – and Ali made sure of this, by calling him out and giving it to him on national TV. Nice work Ali!

1. Craig’s Fun but “Friend”-ly Date: With Craig’s one-on-one date with Ali, they had a nice time and went to some romantic spots, and even watched a fireworks display from the rooftop of their boat cruise. Everything was set up to BE romantic… Yet … there was no actual sparks. Every time they shot Ali and Craig together, they were having pleasant conversations and he was making her laugh, often even putting his arms around her and holding her, but it seemed like every time he was about to go in for a kiss or when there was definitely an opportunity to… he chickened out and gave her a cheek hug instead. Whether it was nerves or lack of confidence or know-how, he didn’t just execute, didn’t just GO in for it. And when guys just stick in that PG zone of putting their arm around you, hugging you and holding you, but never just confidently put the romantic moves on and kick it up a notch, guess what… She’s going to only think of you as a kind of guy she could hug and laugh with, but not kiss. Thus… into the Friend Zone you get placed. So it was no surprise to me that out of all the guys remaining, Ali chose to let Craig go in the rose ceremony; and her reason? “The romance is just not there.” And her words, were the romantic kiss of death… “He’s a great guy. He’s so funny, so sweet…” Words that you don’t want to hear as a man!

1. Roberto’s Ever-Comforting Moves: When Ali stormed into the men’s hotel suite fuming and in tears (I literally thought I saw traces of steam coming out of her ears), calling out Justin to the group, Roberto offered great support by putting his big strong arms around her and comforting her, letting her know that “It’s Okay, everything’s going to be fine.”  You could tell she seemed to calm down a bit after that and she appreciated the comforting touch. Lesson learned here: ALL women appreciate that! Props to Roberto again, for seizing an opportunity to act like the Man and show her that he can be her rock. The other guys just sat there in stupor. But who is she going to remember most in the situation? The guy who made her feel safe and supported. Men, grab as many opportunities as possible to show a woman that you can BE there for her, and she will feel safe and good around you… and you WILL end up being there for her, in the end.

1. Frank  Lugging his Rug: As Frank and Ali were shopping around in the Bazarre in Turkey, they found themselves in a little rug store and got cornered by an aggressive Turkish man trying to sell him a rug. Frank kept on repeating over and over again to the camera that he wasn’t going to buy this rug, that he had no need for a rug, and there was no way he was going to carry that around for the rest of the date. …But alas, the next scene that follows shows poor Frank walking away carrying this 10-foot rug on his shoulders. Note to men – don’t get suckered into something that you don’t want to do or buy in front of your girl. We’ll begin to wonder where your backbone is. On the flip side though, Frank did do a great job in his date of being lots of fun and high-energy, upbeat, and spontaneous. He always held her close and kissed her a lot, grabbed her hand tight and led her through the crowds, and treated her like she was already his girlfriend, which is what helps a woman actually associate you with being her boyfriend and what will likely pull him ahead of the competition.

1. Ali’s Fighting Faux Pas: On the group date with the 6 guys, after the poor guys had already spent the whole day on their feet touring historical sites of Istanbul, Ali informed them that she was taking them to a ‘Big Surprise.’ And as it turned out… this “big surprise” was a group of 6 oiled and shirtless Turkish men, or, professional “Olive-Oil Wrestlers,” waiting to oil-wrestle the guys, on the ground in the freezing cold. Talk about a buzz-kill! Then after the guys got crushed by these professional men who were no match for them, she announced that they now had to fight – each other! I’m sorry, but that just wasn’t a very cool girl move, I don’t care who you are. It’s enough that these men have to fight for her and woo her every day on national television, and jump through hoops for her every episode, but then to have to physically fight for her after a long day of sightseeing and then fight their own buddies, who they’ve grown to be their comrades? I thought that was a little cruel and unusual. If you give men enough of a prize, they will fight for you anyway and will want to do it on their own merit, but if you force a guy to fight for you, that may very likely only create resentment in him and have the opposite effect. Boo.

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The 3 Biggest Online Dating & Texting Mistakes!

The 3 BIGGEST Online Dating & Texting MISTAKES

You’re probably making that are getting you to get turned down & passed UP fast, unbeknown to you!

Yes, we don’t just judge you by your appearance these days. We can most certainly decide whether we want to continue dating you or not just based on your text messages and emails – and men and women both often get turned off before you even make it to the 1st date! So check out these 3 common but fatal faux-pas so you can avoid being ‘Next-ed’ by your next text. : )

1. Writing too LONG Of emails & responses.

When someone texts or emails you, or asks you a question, answer them in the most concise way possible that you can get the message across. Pretend this is Twitter and you only have 140 characters or less to expend. When you start sending 2 or 3 page texts, or writing novels in an email response, it really starts encroaching the lines of desperation. When you ramble on like that, it also may sound like you have a lot of time on your hands – which is not necessarily a turn-on. There’s no need for a novel – if you have that much to say, there should be a phone conversation or save the information till you see them in person.

So when you send long messages, it can not only come across a little desperate but also, you risk leaving nothing to the imagination, and nothing to motivate the other person to want to learn MORE about you and ask you out. When you’re in the texting or emailing mode still, the goal is to get the other person to ask you out, or to entice the other person enough to go out with you. You want to entice them to want to learn more about you. So reveal only just a LITTLE bit at a time. The element of mystery is very important in the early dating stages, so retain your mystery – even when dating online and texting. Don’t put ‘all your cards on the table’ at once, just like in off-line dating. Don’t reveal too much too soon, and “email flirt” and “flirt-text” appropriately. And no “sext” on the first date!

2. Going Emoticon-Happy: Using too many EMOTICONS & Punctuation: Oh geez, this is a problem I see all the time. I see what would normally be a perfectly good email or text, but that’s been littered with exclamation marks and smiley faces, numeric tounges wagging and winky faces. No bueno. Go very light and EASY on the punctuation marks and emoticons. One punctuation mark is sufficient in a conversation (especially don’t do the !!!! and ?????) I get it. Don not overuse smiley faces, winky faces, or other emoticons either, as well as the ‘LOL’ and HAHA.’

Number 1, using lots of emoticons, aka, expressing your emotion (or psuedo-emotions) over text or email, comes across desperate and over-eager. Are you really THAT excited to hang out? Do you have a life? Was my joke really THAT funny that you have to say, LMAO!!!;)  Calm down… Remember mystery is key and you need to retain your mystery and aloofness just as much while over texting, emailing and Online Dating as you do in person. And if you’re a male, you should definitely stay away from emoticons and over-punctuation even more so, because it can look very feminine. We girls are used to talking like that with our girlfriends, but a guy saying,  “Sounds good Sweetie! Can’t wait to see you!! ” just doesn’t sound right. The general rule of thumb should be: Thou shall not emoticon unless thy recipient has emoticon’ed first, (and then only express about half of the emotions and enthusiasm of theirs – do not match theirs or exceed).

And lastly, many normal, straight guys are turned off by emoticons and feel awkward sending emoticons and punctuation, because, well, they tend to be “anti” things that are too ‘cute’ or they may feel that their manhood may be questioned. And rightfully so. Remember, this is the same species that doesn’t like expressing their emotions ANYWAY, and take pains to keep them under wraps in general, so why then would you expect them to put it right out there in an alpha-numeric-digital format for the world to see? And aside from that, many guys don’t even know what many emoticons mean (is :p a silly face or an invitation to a lewd sexual act? God forbid they get that confused!) not to mention how to make them with which numbers and what letters.

3. Sounding Negative or Boring in texts or emails.

We really don’t know you yet at all, so we decide whether you’re going to ‘make the cut’ or not by the sound of your ‘voice’ in your messages – so show some personality, will you! Avoid sounding like a dull dud or a bore in your messages. Be funny, engaging, playful, witty. Don’t come across as flat, or worse, negative or depressing in your messages. We want to engage with people who are upbeat, who make us laugh, or give us a positive mental image and association. That makes us want to contact you again and feel warm and fuzzy when you contact us. Remember this, because it’s so important that I repeat it all the time with my clients – our mind thinks in PICTURES. Every time you communicate with someone, that person creates a PICTURE in their head and a FEELING gets created along with it, that is created based on the words that YOU use. This goes for verbal communication, written communication, emails, ALL communication.

So using that fact in mind, think carefully about the words you choose in your messages and communication to the person you’re trying to attract, and make sure that they are creating an image of someone who is fun, positive, interesting, and desirable to be around. If you come across gloomy or cynical, have negative undertones or sound boring as hell, guess what – they’re going to forget you faster than you can say, “Next!”

~DeAnna

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I Love Secret Admirers! (Good Attraction Strategy:)

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So, I’ve just gotta say, I just LOVE secret admirers. I don’t care how old I get, how many relationships I’ve been in or what my relationship status is, I just love them. Yes, even me. EVERY woman does. I feel extra inspired to write this entry because, well, I just opened my office door a minute ago to let my client out after her coaching session, and a giant Hershey’s Kiss dropped down in front of me. No note or anything. And last week there was a gorgeous bouquet of flowers also in front of my office door, again with no note… Who IS this? Whoever you are, I’m liking your strategy! And thank you!

Not only do secret admirers leave a girl feeling like, well, a girl, and brings us back to grade school when we would fill up with excitement and suspense whenever we’d find a little note stuffed in our cubby from a secret crush or a Valentine Candy Gram from a mysterious boy who had a fancy for us. But it’s also a great way to make a girl feel special and excited all at the same time, while also firing off feelings of mystery and curiosity in her – all good things to begin a relationship with.

In fact, this is actually a GREAT technique if you are trying to court a woman who you have a crush on from afar that you have a high chance of running into again – say you’ve seen her work out at the gym before, or she lives in your apartment complex, she’s your neighbor or she works in your building – and you want to get her interested in you. So guys, listen up! If you know, or can find out, where her car is, office is or apartment or home is, (without going to creepy stalker status of course (well, just don’t get caught okay;) then start by doing exactly this… Leave an item like a single rose, a big chocolate Hershey’s Kiss or one of those giant fortune cookies, or something even more original… (no naked pictures of you or your penis please, and nothing dirty (we still have no idea why you think those are sexy! LOL), and just leave a single item like that two or three times, spaced out 1 or 2 weeks. No note, just leave it on her windshield, in her mailbox or outside her door where she’ll be sure to see it. This lets her BUILD up her curiosity and suspense… Then, after 3 or 4 items being left there… you can leave a note.

Now with the note, let the note be SHORT and sweet, and FUNNY if you can make it funny or witty, and then just sign it – “Your Secret Admirer,” or “Your Mystery Man,” or nothing at all. But if you leave some title, change it up for every note.

Continue doing this for a few more weeks – leave 3 or 4 notes, or as LONG as you can keep it going for. Be playful in your notes. Be a little cocky even if you can. If you’re too sappy or gushy or complimentary, it’ll come off as creepy or desperate. You do not want to come off as creepy or desperate; the goal is not to have her call the police on you or be waiting outside her door for you with a baseball bat so you get unsuspectingly pummeled – You want to come off as CREATIVE and refreshingly ORIGINAL and INTERESTING. …DIFFERENT. All good things that a woman wants.

So, just be patient and let the curiosity and anticipation in her build and build, till she’s practically about to burst because she’s so curious. When she finally leaves a note on her door that says something like “Who IS this??” (and if she’s interested, she will. Unless she has a boyfriend or husband or is a lesbian, 99% of the time, she WILL “play back” with you.) Write a note back that says, “C’mon. I’m not that easy ; )” Tease her a little more, and make her work for it! Don’t give yourself away so soon. I know its hard, but the longer you wait and build this suspense, the more bonded and attracted and close she’ll feel towards you and the more she’ll be building you up in her mind. You’re the spontaneous Man of Mystery to her right now, you’ve got a bunch of leverage – stay in this position as long as possible. Leave little clues about what you look like or who you are, but don’t give yourself away just yet. Then finally, you can say something like “If you want to find out who this is, let’s meet for a drink. Leave me your number or let me know if Thursday (or pick a night) at 8 at (Pick a nearby bar or restaurant) sounds good for a drink.” Then, make it happen!

Good luck, and let me know how it goes, you Cassanovas

Love, DeAnna

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Reader’s Dating Dilemma of the Week! NEW

Reader Dating Dilemma of the Week: Frustrations with Approaching Women!

Dear Ms. Lorraine,
I’m writing to you because I’m seriously upset and discouraged with the lack of results I’m getting with women and my failures in approaching women. I have been working on getting better at approaching women by trying to say hello to just about every woman I come across, even if their back is to me in some cases.
An incident today sent me over the edge and makes me just want to throw in the towel & just accept my fate of loneliness. So, as I was in line at a take-out place on my way home from work, I made eye contact with the woman that was last in line before she turned her back to me. As she turned her back, I said hello to her. She initially didn’t respond, so I said hello again. She then turned around and said hello.

As I waited in line, the woman in front of me was with the women being waited on at the cash register. During this time the woman waiting at the cash register and the woman in front of me began making eye contact but not saying anything. They began snickering, so I’m assuming it was about me. They had a small boy with them (he had sunglasses on), but I don’t think they were laughing at him.

This has really affected my confidence, and I was feeling pretty good up to that point. I’m depressed about it, and can’t seem to quit dwelling on the situation. Maybe I need wait on this approaching thing until I get in shape or something. I just feel bad about myself right now.

-Tom, 38

DeAnna’s Answer…

Dear Tom,

First of all, I’m really glad that you’ve been taking action on this problem and actively going out and talking to people. That’s where it all starts – with talking to EVERYONE, no matter who they are. As for as what happened, I’m sorry that you feel bad about that and you decided to let that get you down. But in actuality, I consider that a non-incident. First of all, you have no evidence that the lady was even snickering at you to begin with, so to come to that assumption with no evidence is hasty and false, and worse, to let that hasty conclusion with no merit to it bring your self-esteem down and halt the rest of your efforts – is ludicrous! Why are you giving this stranger that you don’t even know and you’ll never see again so much power to affect you?  Aren’t you more powerful and in control of your state you’re your confidence than that?  And aside from that, let’s just say she was in fact snickering at you, perhaps because you said hello twice to her when her back was turned to you, and perhaps she wasn’t in a mood for small-talking or what not…. do you really care? What about if you just laughed to yourself and found it funny instead, patting yourself on the back for trying something new and stepping outside your comfort zone, brushing it off and moving right along to someone else? The fact that you even talked to someone when you wouldn’t have before is an accomplishment; THAT’S what I want you to focus on, these small continuous accomplishments  -  NOT on the actual outcomes. Because there is NO such thing as ‘failure’ my friend –only feedback! You MUST remember this and live this out, because it’s true. LET GO of the outcome and whatever a woman’s reaction is and understand that you’re going to have a heck of a lot more of those along the way, but they’ll get fewer and fewer the more you do and the positive interactions will get  more and more frequent the more approaches you do. It’s called “LEARNING.”

Do you think if you learned to snowboard for the first time you might fall a few times before you could go down the hill? Ummm… yes. You fall DOZENS of times. Just like with EVERY single sport and EVERY new skill and thing that you learn and have ever learned! Did you ever fall a couple times when you first learned to, I don’t know, WALK? Didn’t you fall over a couple of times when you first learned to ride a bike? What would happen if the very first time you fell when learning to ride your bike, you threw a fit, got all depressed, kicked all your gear off and gave up on the whole damn sport simply because you fell once? You’d never learn for one. And for two, you have proven to yourself, time and time again, that your brain is fully capable of learning a new skill. All beings learn. Even clams and plants have a learning curve. The only reason why some people learn a new skill faster than others is because they practice more. That’s all it is.

That also explains why you see every day average looking or even downright unattractive men walking around with beautiful girlfriends or are able to what seems like ‘effortlessly’ approach and charm women. Believe me, they were not somehow born knowing how to do that. Well, most aren’t anyway. It’s only the result of a decision that they made that they wouldn’t let their appearances be a limitation for them anymore and, and the result of practice – doing it over and over again, each time learning from the ‘feedback’ they get and improving and improving each time till they can achieve their desired outcome nearly every time.

And do you think it would make any difference at all if you ‘waited till you were in better shape’ and then tried again a year later? No! because you still have to get through the learning phase regardless, no matter what kind of shape you’re in, and that will always take some falling down; that part’s inevitable and there’s no getting around that. One can never get from A to C without first crossing through B. But you CAN control your attitude through it and the way you deal with the inevitable fallings. If you just have fun with it and laugh when you fall down, learn from the feedback, and try it again you’re going to succeed, accelerate the process, and have a far more enjoyable and positive experience along the way, but if every time you fall you get all depressed and bent out of shape and let it affect your mood and confidence, you’re  going to make it a heck of a lot harder on yourself, you’ll slow down the process and you’ll have a negative & un-enjoyable experience along the way. So why make it harder on yourself David, why not just have fun with it and take each new encounter as another story for the books?

But In order to get over the initial hurt and ‘sting’ of being turned down, you have to face it head on and go through it a number of times, as each time  stings less and less until its completely gone and it doesn’t even phase you. Just like when you work out and use muscles that you haven’t in a while you get sore afterward, but after your muscles and body gets used to the routine, you’re no longer sore after your workout. Well this is the same exact thing! All you have to do is simply pass through this short little beginning stage and then you’re out on the other side – happy and confident, successful with women, and able to approach and attract women easily and effortlessly.

Don’t stop now at this little bump in the road when you’re doing so well, keep going ahead!!

And if you need more help, sign up for my Men’s 90-Day Coaching Plan and we’ll eliminate your approaching issue in less than a few weeks

~DeAnna

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How to Meet the Parents & Survive the Holiday!

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How to “Meet the Parents” & Pass the Holidays with Flying colors!

Meeting the family of your new girlfriend/boyfriend for the first time? Spending a holiday with them and need tips for not only surviving it unscathed but wowing their pants off and coming out of it with a trophy for Boyfriend/Girlfriend of the Year?” Relax – I’ve come to the rescue to save your holiday. Would I leave you hanging? Read this handy guide I put together for you complete with unforeseen hidden “tests” – and take copious notes!

1.    Get the inside scoop beforehand. This is very important. Before you even go over there, talk to your partner about the family and event dynamics so you can prep yourself for success. Ask your partner who they expect will be there, get their names and descriptions, and ask for some details on key people so you can be better equipped to start conversations and you can namedrop details here and there. For instance, is cousin Eric the Guitar Hero pro? Does Aunt Maria make the best stuffing west of the Missisipi? Did Uncle Jim just recently achieve a company award or did sister Stacy just come back from a trip from France? Get a couple details down, and you’ll be sure to impress when you namedrop them upon meeting them. You can also ask you partner if there’s anything you should know about the dynamics of the family and event. For instance, should you be prepared to answer 20 questions from Dad? Should you walk lightly on the topic of work around Eric who recently lost his job? Should you not ask about Aunt Gina’s relationship because it’s “sensitive?” Etc. Again, if you know these things beforehand you can avoid potentially embarrassing and awkward situations that can leave you quickly outside the “circle of trust.”
2.    Dress Up, dress CLASSY & dress Conservative. Okay, I know a freshly starched button-down collared shirt or tapered dress isn’t half as comfortable as jeans and a T or your tattered punk clothes, SUCK IT UP and ‘suit up!’ This isn’t a time for cutting corners and opt for comfort, or to rebel against yuppies by expressing your “individual style” with “emo” pants or nose rings a la Adam Lambert. No matter what kind of family it is, even if you’re visiting a family that lives in a farm, as a general rule of thumb, as my mother so lovingly engrained in me, “It’s always better to overdress than under-dress.” Select your outfit for the big day a few days beforehand and make sure you get the stamp of approval from your partner so you can have time to go shopping for some new threads in case it doesn’t get the thumbs up.

Your goal is to fit in with the family’s style as much as possible. You can’t really go wrong with a button-down collared shirt and khakis, black slacks or nice jeans. For women, this isn’t the time to let the fam see how sexy you can look or show off your newly-tanned midriff. The look you want to achieve is classy, wholesome, and conservative yet comfortable. Showing any midriff or cleavage or sporting your stilettos and a mini is like a kiss of death to man’s mother. Show him you’re the kind of girl he can bring home to momma by toning it down and wearing a cute and classy dress with a cardigan or nice pants and a sweater if it’s cold. Wear simple jewelry and tone down the makeup if you tend to wear a lot typically. If the holiday runs more than a day, pack a few extra outfits like a staple dress, some comfy loungewear, and a casual outfit. Be sure to pack a swimsuit as well(you don’t want to be the only fish out of the water if swimming’s on the menu, or worse, have to awkwardly borrow one of dad or mom’s swimsuit that’s 6 sizes too large).

3.    BRING something to the occasion – the token Guest Gift. This shows thoughtfulness, appreciation and class. You really can’t go wrong with a bottle of nice red or white wine (don’t go cheapo here, especially in case they’re wine connoisseurs – opt for a bottle in the $15-$40 range, it’s worth it). Pair it with a nice hand-written note thanking them for having you in their home, and perhaps even a small but thoughtful gift such as a plant or flowers. If you’re a woman, bring homemade cookies or dessert (or if you don’t cook, you can buy some, but homemade will give you extra ‘brownie points.”)
4.    Make sure you reach out and shake everyone’s hand when you see them, make sure you shake with your right hand and that your handshake is FIRM. If you already know you have a great handshake, then use it. If you aren’t sure (this is especially true for women, or men who haven’t been in business long) test it out on a trusted friend and get their honest feedback. For a man, your handshake should be firm and strong (but not a bone-crushing grip) and you should make direct eye contact while you’re doing so (especially if you’re shaking the father, brothers or uncle’s hand!). For a woman, your shake should still be firm (do NOT just shake with the tips of your fingers like a prissy princess, which exudes entitlement) but it should also bend a little in a natural, feminine way. Eye contact is very important. And remember their names when you shake their hand!

5.    Be extra mindful of your manners. I hate to state the obvious, but you’d be surprised how often these things slip when you’re not realizing it or when you’re so nervous about impressing the fam. As a reminder: Always say please and thank you, don’t get more than one course of food unless everyone else is (and always let family serve themselves first) and keep your space neat! This includes making your bed or the couch in the morning. Don’t sleep in – make sure you’re up at the same time or earlier as everyone else so you’re not known as “Sleepy Sam.”

6.   Offer to Help: Here’s another big one, and one that lots of mothers often test for (mine especially – this is considered a ‘red flag’ when someone’s poor date forgets to do this!). Offer to help whenever possible. So when they’re cooking the meal, go into the kitchen and ask if there’s anything you could do to help. When they start clearing dishes after the meal, get up and help them clear dishes or sincerely offer to help. Offer to help them clean up afterward or just pick up a sponge yourself and go at it.

7.    Bond with the family. Make sure you’re friendly and social and talk to every one of the family members (or at least make a genuine effort to).  Twelve-year-old cousin Nicky isn’t any less important and when others see you talking to every person, you’ll score major points. Spend a little time getting to know each person and asking about their interests, connecting with them on some level, and trying to find things in common or that you could offer your knowledge about or bond about. If you keep to yourself or just with your partner, others will definitely take notice and you’ll come across cold and anti-social. I don ‘t care if you’re shy or suffer from “social anxiety,” MAKE AN EFFORT. But of all people you’ll talk to, the key people that are the most important to bond with if you’re a woman are the mother, and sisters; and if you’re a guy, her father and brothers. These are the ‘Gate-keepers’! Some key pointers:

• a.    When talking to Brothers or Dad: Look them in the eye when you’re talking to them. Try to find out their interests and see if you guys have some things in common. Don’t dodge alone time with any of them, use it as an opportunity to bond. Pick up a pool stick and join them if that’s where the boys are or join them in poker or football.

• b.    Tests that they’re looking for: Make sure that if you get asked about your career or what your goals are or financial situation is, have a clear answer! Never answer with, “I don’t know yet” or “You know, I’m not sure what I want to do yet,” or “I haven’t figured it out yet, I’m just enjoying life right now,” or “I’m having some financial issues right now.” Her family, especially her father, wants to know you have a plan, goals, and financial stability. If you really are not sure what you want to do with your life and career and are in a transitory stage, better to rely with something like, “Well right now my options are A and B and I’m taking 3 months right now to figure out and decide which option will make me the happiest and allow me to create the best future and financial stability for me and my future family.” So that doesn’t sound like you’re just drifting, you want to still illustrate that you have some kind of plan and timeline in place which will ease their worries a bit and make you sound more responsible. If they ask you what some of your future goals are, say SOMETHING. Don’t just say, “I don’t know.” Men in particular when asking these kinds of questions are testing more for traits like decisiveness, responsibility, ambition and stability and the ability to plan rather than the content of your answers themselves.

• c.    For women, bond with the other women by: Joining them in the kitchen if that’s where the majority o the women are, and offering to cook and clean. Even if you’re more like “one of the guys” and prefer to be in the midst of the poker game and you can’t cook a casserole to save your life, at least spend some time to bond with the gals and gab, gossip, or whatever it is they do to fit in.

• d.    Tests that they’re looking for: Mothers and sisters are often testing for signs that you’ll make a good wife and mother to their son/brother. That’s why you should show your domestic side by lending a helping hand in the kitchen, and play a little with the baby if there’s one around, and, especially if you’re a power career-woman type, show them your soft side and let them know you’re not all about work. They’re also looking for signs that show you are loyal and committed for the long-haul and have strong values. Don’t dress or say anything skanky, don’t be inappropriately touchy-feely with your partner, and don’t correct them when they’re telling stories, and don’t nag them or redicule them in front of others. Don’t ever talk about them in a negative way or make complaints about them to any family members, even if they do. One of my uncles had a girlfriend that he was living with for 2 years, and although I really liked her, she would often talk to me or other family members about an argument they recently had or an issue they were having or how she was getting worried that he hadn’t proposed to her yet and would seek my opinions or advice on the matter. Not the best strategy girl! Don’t do this, even if you are really close and comfortable with the family. It puts the person you’re talking to in an awkward position and downright doesn’t look good on your part.

8.    Do as the Romans Do. In other words, FIT IN. If the family is playing football, go out to the field. If it’s their tradition to play Jenga or Scrabble after dinner, happily join in. Don’t try to get a jail out of free card because “you’re in heels” or you “just straightened your hair” or you’re “not a jock.” If you sit out on the sidelines, you stand out and you become the topic of conversation later as to why you refused to join in the family games and tradition. Again its one of those things that you just have to suck up and do if you want to get their approval.
9.    Be Easy & Easygoing. Don’t be too picky  or difficult with food or make strange demands or have people do extra things for you. If you’re a vegetarian or vegan, don’t request that they make you a separate vegetarian dish, unless they volunteer to. If the whole fam is drinking water don’t request a soda or request red wine if the rest of them are drinking white. Just go with the flow and roll with the punches. Now is not the time to have them cater to your ultra-picky demands or idiosyncrasies. Stay with your mission to fit in, and it’ll all be over before you know it.

10.    Conversation – strike a balance. Don’t be too quiet or know one will get to know you. But you also don’t want to dominate conversations or try too hard to be funny or outgoing, or it’ll turn others off. Talk less then your partner on the whole, and don ‘t go overboard with storytelling or jokes. Subtly is the key, you don’t need to be a one-man stand-up comedy show or the Life of the Party for them to like you. Show you have a sense of humor and that you’re sociable, but remember that this is their family and their holiday, and ultimately you are the outsider. So let them talk more and share stories and news, and know that you don’t need to add your two cents about everything or talk too much about yourself.  Avoid boasting and one-upping people. Also, if your partner has any news or recent accomplishments to share with the family, let your partner be the one to share it first; don’t do it for them. Don’t overstep your boundaries by acting like you’re already a part of the family when you’re still on the outside.

Final Tips to Seal the Deal:

• Thank them! Lastly, make sure you thank them again on your way out, give them a hug and let them know it was great meeting and spending time with them. Then seal the deal by sending a personal thank you card in the mail a few days later. Compliment them on their home when you walk in. say, “Wow, I love your home, it’s beautiful!” no matter if it’s a mansion or a shack. If you notice other details like their choices of art on the walls or the mother’s collection of lladros or drapes, notice and compliment them on those things as well and you’ll warm their heart and get on their good side. Avoid gushing and bearing over-the-top with compliments though or you’ll come across phony.

• Follow their “House Rules.” If the mother insists on you and your partner sleeping in separate rooms in the house even at age 42, just DO it, period, and don’t try to sneak around in the middle of the night (or get a hotel). There may be cameras set up. If it’s their tradition to wake up at 8 and do chores, don’t rebel against it by sleeping in, join them.

• Don’t get drunk. I know you’re nervous, but now’s not the time to pound shots and suck back tequila to loosen the nerves. Have a few drinks if that’s what the family’s doing, but keep your wits about you and avoid getting sloppy. Even if the 260 pound Marine Corp uncle is challenging you to see who could slam back more shots of Cuervo, know your limits and if you feel you’re getting close then politely refuse and take a water break. I remember a boyfriend I brought to Thanksgiving one year who ended up making an idiot of himself after 9 or 10 shots, swearing and slurring, “I just F’king love your daughter, she’s so F’king great, F’k!” Didn’t go over too well the next day. And then a poor girlfriend my brother brought one year who spent the second half of the evening curled up on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet seat. Don’t be that girl (or guy)!

Follow these guideline and you’ll be sure to breeze through the holiday with flying colors and get raving reviews immediately following!

-Copywrite 2009, DeAnna Lorraine

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Love Styles (& Lessons) of the Rich & Famous

Which Love Style are YOU?

1. Jennifer Anniston:
1. Her Love Style? Nice… but Plain, Predictable, and Bor-ing! Aka, “Replaceable.”
2. Lesson Learned: Make sure YOU are not just the ‘ordinary,’ replaceable girl. Be conscious of when you may be becoming predictable and boring in your relationships; Mix it up, and find ways to stand out from other women.

(More details in full version)

2. Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt:
1. Brangelina’s Love Style: Exciting, Mysterious, Fun & Unpredictable! The ideal ingredients for a long-lasting, passionate relationship. The only concern here is that there are so many children that they will become the sole focus and the relationship will merely become “all about the kids.”
2. Lesson Learned: Either you’re growing together or you’re growing apart. Make a commitment to regularly try new things with your partner, challenge each other, learn & grow upwards together. Don’t fall into the trap of letting your kids become the sole focus of your lives rather than your relationship with your lover.

3. Leonardo DiCaprio:
1. Love Style: The “Packaging Trap.” Focused primarily on the outside “packaging” without looking very far into the inside. Only dates Supermodels and gorgeous women, but in the end, has nothing to show for them.
2. Lessons Learned: Grow up & get over the ego-boost of having a beautiful trophy girl on your arm and start seeking out partners that you’re compatible with at a deeper level if you actually want a long-lasting, genuine relationship & connection.

4. Kristin Cavallari, Kate Hudson, Jude Law:
1. Love Style: The Magnetic Players: They never have a shortage of dates, enjoy keeping their options open, and are independent, fun, alluring and magnetic!
2. Lesson Learned: When you have a carefree & fun approach to dating and an abundance attitude rather than a scarcity mindset, you will literally act as a “magnet” to others & attract an abundance of options! (See my website for more on adopting the “abundance attitude” & eliminating the “Scarcity” mindset)

5. Will Smith & Jada Pinkett; Barack & Michelle Obama:
1. Their Love Style: “Powerful, Passionate Partnership.” These couples are Best Friends, Power Partners and Supportive Lovers. They embody that of a true complimentary partnership comprised of strong, powerful men and equally strong, assertive women but who balance each other out and challenge each other but without any power struggle. They still have fun together & also understand the importance of keeping the romance alive through regular “Date Nights” and alone time.
2. Lesson Learned: Support each other’s goals and dreams, act as a team, and be friends and lovers. Be sure to maintain your romantic connection through the craziness of your lives through regular bonding activities like Date Nights and romantic getaways.

6. Jessica Simpson:
1. Love Style: Smothering, Clingy, and Wears her Heart on her Sleeve! She is always gushing about her boyfriends, and never leaves her feelings to imagination. In recent interview calling Tony Romo her “future husband,” and immersing herself in the men she dates.
2. Lesson Learned: Avoid wearing your heart on your sleeve and don’t offer up all your feelings in the beginning of the relationship, especially when your partner has not yet expressed his/hers. Whenever you’re tempted to gush about how much you like your new love interest, take a breath, hold it back, and wait. Mystery is key to building attraction.

7. Justin Timberlake:
1. Love Style: “The Serial Monogamist.” JT drifts from one long-term relationship right on into the next and then the next, without ever any time just spent being single and figuring out what he really wants. This wastes a lot of time.
2. Lesson learned: You should know within the first 6 months (1 year at the most) whether or not this person has got wife or husband potential for you; and if it’s been longer than 6 months or a year and you’re still “on the fence” about her/him, still not certain whether she/he is the one….99% of the time, she/he’s not. So break it off sooner and don’t draw it out.

8. Jon & Kate ( + 8 ) :
1. Love Style: Imbalanced, Unhealthy and Manipulative! Kate is far too controlling and manipulative and clearly wears the “pants,” while Jon is far too passive and weak; years of her controlling him and all their decisions with him never asserting himself has resulted in a deflated man, and dysfunctional relationship where the children are the sole focus, and eventually, the marriage’s demise.
2. Lesson Learned: Kate pushed her desires on Jon, and coerced him into doing things he didn’t really want( like having more kids); Women, if you push something on a man that doesn’t really want it but is doing it just to please you, it’s not going to result in a positive outcome. And men, if you don’t really want something, you need to speak up and assert yourself and negotiate rather than giving in just to please your woman.

9. Bill & Hillary Clinton:
1. Love Style: All business & no romance, this pair’s relationship is more like that of business partners than actual lovers.
2. Lesson Learned: If you are a working couple or are in business you’re your partner, don’t get so caught up in the minutia of work and business that you forget about passion and intimacy; Remember that you are partners and lovers first and foremost, and make time to be romantic and sensual with each other. Keep your sex life alive and fresh!

10. Bella & Edward: Vampire Couple of Twilight!
1. Love Style: Dramatic, passionate and unorthodox. Bella is a strong, independent, highly intelligent and assertive woman and Edward is “all man,” They don’t have to argue or compete for the dominant role in the relationship; this is an opportunity for a strong woman be with a man strong enough for her to be vulnerable and let him take the lead.
2. Lesson Learned: Men, Edward represents what women REALLY want in a man; a strong man in and of himself, but without the need to “prove” or exert his strength; a man who takes care of and protects his woman, who is strong enough to be romantic and vulnerable, and who can create a safe haven for women to fully be themselves and reveal their vulnerabilities and desires without fearing that you’ll run away, be threatened or scared off by our emotions. Also, woman love the rare man with enough self control where his focus isn’t wrapped up solely in the end goal of sex, but he is intelligent enough to see the rewards of the long-term. Master these techniques of Edward, and you’ll be a man women won’t be able to resist!

For the full version of these tips or to schedule a Date Coaching or Hypnosis Session to enhance your dating success, simply contact me via email at Deanna@DeannaLorraine.com, or check out the rest of my website!

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Don’t Miss DeAnna’s Show This Thursday!

Tune into my Talk Radio Show this Thursday (and every Thursday) at 4:30-5:30pm PST, Cutting Edge Dating, on Blog Talk Radio. Today we welcome another author, Ms. Terri Lee Ryan. Dynamic and certainly very attractive, Ms. Ryan shows us women that yes, there is love after 40 as detailed in her book “Life Is One Big To-Do List: A Woman’s Life After 40″. Injected with a large dose of life experience, the book tackles issues head-on, such as dealing with divorce, re-entering the dating world, to finally realizing that, yes, it is your life to live and love.

Tune in to the radio show or better yet, CALL in (646) 716-9631 and add your two cents, rants or raves about the special guest or topic at hand, or ask a question for either of us about anything we’ve been talking about. Don’t be shy & Hold back nothing, we love to hear you stir up the pot! Tune in by listening to the show here (click on the logo below): Then bookmark it!

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Calling San Diego’s most Eligible Singles!

Join the forum discussion on this post! - (1) Posts

Presenting The “Tweet your Heart Out” Charity Date Auction Tweetup!

Sponsored by @TheeDatingCoach & @DowntownRob at Stingaree

SEE all the Details & Dates for the Exciting Event!

APPLY to be one of Twitter’s 16 ‘Most Eligible’ Bachelors/ettes! (Or “nominate” someone! Deadline: August 28th)
Simply submit the Form Below! You will then be added and will be notified by august 30th whether you have been chosen or not.

Apply/Nominate someone to be a Bachelor/ette!

1. Gender: (Male or Female)
2. Male Female
3. Your Name(required)
4. Age(required)
5. Current Occupation(required)
6. Email(valid email required)
7. Phone #
8. Twitter Username
9. What makes U a most "Eligible Single" in 140 char's?(required)
10. Upload a PHOTO!

 

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Details on the “Tweet your Heart Out Charity Auction Tweetup“: Now – Sept. 17th

DETAILS: We’re doing a whole new twist on the old charity date auction… ‘Twitter style!’

Twitter will play an integral part of the 4-week event as it will serve in facilitating YOUR participation in it and driving everyone to the live event, which will be the culmination of it! Basically we are going to find & select 16 of San Diego’s “most eligible” single men and women on Twitter, and then through a 4 week campaign, find ‘matches’ for them, who will be revealed and ‘voted’ on by YOU at the culminating live event/Tweetup at Stingaree!

Selecting the 16 most “Eligible” Bachelors & Bachelorettes in San Diego (must be on Twitter!). We will be selecting the Bachelors & Bachelorettes over the next two weeks, from the pool of people who have submitted their entries to us (For details or to be entered in the running as 1 of the Bachelors or Bachelorettes, CLICK Here!) The Bachelors and Bachelorettes we select for the auction will be a mix of ‘average’ San Diego singles along with some local high-profile persons & Personalities!

When the Bachelor/ettes have been selected, they will be revealed and ‘showcased’ HERE on this page, on with their photos, names, & ‘vital stats.’

The “Courting” Phase: August 28th-September 10th. Then over the next two weeks, we will invite everyone to check out the Bachor/ettes that are showcased, and you are encouraged to ‘apply’ to win a date with your favorite Bachelor or Bachelorette! Interested prospects will submit your names and info and picture, along with the “ID #” of the Bachelor or Bachelorette they are applying for, through a simple form set up on the webpage.

“The Matching Phase” : September 10th-17th. After the 2 weeks of “courting” are up, which will be a week before the event, we will go through all the submissions of those who have bid on/applied for dates with the Bachelor/ettes, and select the TOP 3 ‘Finalists’ for each Bachelor/ette (based on the Bachelor/ettes ideal ‘criteria’ that they gave us in the beginning!).

The Live Event & “Voting”! THEN…on September 17th, we will have the live event/Tweetup at Stingaree! The main highlight of the party will be, of course, the live showcasing of the Bachelors & Bachelorettes, where they come up on the catwalk one by one as the EMCEES (DowntownRob & DeAnna Lorraine) run down their bios and ‘vital stats.’

And then, the most exciting part will be what comes next – the “Unveiling of the Matches” –The EMCEES will bring unveil the “Top 3” ‘matches’ or candidates that they have selected, for each Bachelor & Bachelorette (no one has seen who the finalists are yet).

In a fashion similar to ‘The Dating Show,’ the candidates will go up on stage centered around their corresponding Bachelor or Bachelorette, and ‘compete’ by answering some fun trivia questions or other requests by the Bachelor/ette at hand. And based on their answers & how they act, the audience will vote for who they think would make the best match and win the date along with a fabulous Date Package from sponsors!

With that said…Now accepting applicants for the Bachelor/ettes of The Month!

“Courting Period”: August 26th – September 10th. When you will “Bid” on your favorite Single!

Actual Live Event & Tweetup: Thursday, September 17th at Stingaree!

Questions about anything? Want to contact the organizer?

Call: (866) 922-1188 or EMAIL and we will respond promptly

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