5 Major things in your Life that can be Blocking you from Attracting a Relationship

1. Your Friends: Do you have any friends that are single and bitter toward the opposite sex? Are they toxic to be around, and express their negativity about finding a relationship when they’re around you? Or do they dress sloppy, act embarrassing, or otherwise not represent you well when you’re out with them?

2. Your Career: Is your career your #1 priority, and it takes up too much of your time? Are you always working, or even using your work as an excuse to not go out and date and meet people?

3. Your Home & Bedroom: Is your home and bedroom frequently messy and dirty? Is there lots of clutter & dust in them? Is your closet stuffed with clothes and clutter? If your Mr. or Ms. Right had the ability to observe your home and bedroom as it is right now...Would they be proud of what they would see, and would it be inviting for them? If you have no space in your bedroom and home for a person to come in, then a relationship can’t find its way to you!

4. Your Attitude: Do you have a negative or cynical attitude toward the dating process? Are you doubtful that you’re ever going to find your life partner?  Are you feeling desperate and longing for a relationship (“Where is he already??”) This attitude needs to shift in order to magnetize love. You need to shift from feelings of wanting love to feelings of already having love. That’s what’s going to attract that experience.

5. Your Exes! Are you still physically or emotionally tangled up with your ex, or in and out of a relationship with him/her? Are you spending time with someone who you know is not The One for you, but just doing it to pass the time? This old energy is taking up space and blocking new love and energy to come in!

Share your Thoughts & Comments BELOW!

DeAnna Lorraine is an internationally-recognized Dating Coach & dating expert.

This principle is one that once you fully apply, will help you gain massive results. The key is in becoming more aware of everything around you at all times – and aware of opportunities around you. Really one of the biggest differences between people who get tons of dates whenever they want and are successful in life, and those who barely get any dates or meet any new people and who experience little success in their lives, is not merely a matter of luck or fate or being born with a certain ability that others don’t have. It’s a simple thing that they all share in common – they have their eyes open, and they see opportunities.

These people see opportunities wherever they go, and because of that, they then attract more opportunities wherever they go, and they notice the opportunities when they are presented. And not only do they notice opportunities, but they act on them. They take opportunities when half the world doesn’t even notice them and the other half may see them but don’t do anything with them; they’ll just pass them by or waste them.

So is it any wonder then why these people are so successful, and the latter are not! They are opportunity magnets. And the more opportunities they see and act on, the more they naturally attract, and the more magnetic to them they become – and so the cycle continues.
YOU can easily turn yourself into an “Opportunity Magnet” as well. Anyone can; it’s not that difficult. It’s simply a new habit you can develop just like any other, of training yourself to be more aware, observant and perceptive wherever you are.

During my Date Coaching course, I help my clients gain this awareness and develop this habit, so they can spot out opportunities when they present themselves and attract more of them. Opportunities for love, money, and happiness are EVERYWHERE, but most of us are too darn busy and caught up in our own heads, or drifting off in trance and not paying attention to what’s going on around us. While we’re walking around town, driving to and from places, while we’re shopping for groceries, waiting in line, gabbing away on our cell phones… Most of us go through these routine daily activities on autopilot.

Then, we complain that there are “no good people to date” anywhere or resort to just going to singles events or finding people online, yet we don’t even notice the abundance of opportunities all around us. The grocery store; at the bank, at the gym, coffee shop, heck even in the car next to us that’s stopped at a red light.

You’ve got to get out of your bubble and notice when opportunities present themselves. Some may be in plain site, and some may be a matter of finding hidden opportunities in places or situations that you wouldn’t have guessed.

You’ll notice a difference immediately in your dating success after you begin applying this principle in your life.

To your Success!

~DeAnna

Deanna Lorraine is a San Diego Dating Coach.

When you’re on a date with someone or it’s your first few times hanging out with someone or interacting with them, it can often be tough to determine just how interested in you they are, or if they’re even interested at all! But as a Dating Coach who is able to determine whether people are interested or not or get a second date with nearly 100% accuracy, I have come to understand these signs very well. So I put together a little guide of some quick and easy ways of determining whether the object of your desire is desiring YOU back – along with some subtle tests you can apply while you’re talking to them to get a better read on their true feelings towards you. We go through all these signals and tests in much more depth in my Men’s & Women’s Date Coaching Programs, but here are some great ones to get you started.

1. The Conversation Test:

If they keep the conversation going: If you’re talking a lot and asking questions, and your date is answering with short or dry answers and doesn’t ask YOU many questions or make an effort to continue a well-flowing conversation, they may likely be uninterested in you. If however your date gives longer, thoughtful answers and asks you lots of questions, and they seem curious and animated while asking questions and giving responses, then they are most likely into you. Also, incorporate some teasing and sarcasm in the conversation, and even some light sexual humor if you’re able to – if he or she doesn’t tease back or quickly changes the subject rather than keeping it going, they are usually not interested.

2. The “False Time constraint” Test:

One highly effective way to test if your date is having a good time with you and wanting to keep it going or not is by giving them what’s called a “false time constraint.” Here’s one example of how you would do this: Right after dinner or the movie, while you’re having drinks or whatever else you’re doing, start casually glancing at your watch a few times and mumble something to yourself like, “Oh shoot it’s (9, 10, whatever time it is) already…” Or, ask them if they know what time it is, as if you might need to go somewhere soon.

THEN – See how he or she responds so you can gauge how much longer to stay.

If they say something like, “Oh, do you need to be somewhere or something?” and they seem disappointed, you know they’re probably still interested in hanging out. You can reply something like, “Oh just got an early day tomorrow, lots of meetings” or whatever.

If it seems like he or she wants you to stay longer, or say something like, “Aww, too bad,”  you can then say something like “I’ll hang out for a little longer though” or “I’ll have one more drink before I have to leave.”

If they reply something like “Yeah, it is getting late…” or it seems like they are ready to end the date too, you know that’s your cue that they may not be that into you. If you catch THEM checking their watch or cell-phone a few times during the date, that’s not a good sign either. Better be the one to wrap it up first.

3.       The Touching Test:

Throughout the date or interaction you should casually touch the person while talking, such as on his or her arm, on the small of her back, on the shoulders, etc. You can find other excuses to touch them while you’re storytelling or showing them pictures from your i-phone, ordering their drink in a noisy bar, etc. And generally if someone is into you, they will WELCOME the touch and start turning their body closer to you so you can increase the frequency of touching or they will start reciprocating by touching you back. But if they are NOT interested in you, especially with women, we will be “grossed out” by your touching us and we will back away, become stiff, turn our bodies away, or whatever else we can subtly do to prevent you from touching us again. Also, if it is cold out, you can offer to lend a girl your jacket or say, “Aw you look so cold” and casually rub her back for a few seconds as if you’re warming her up. A woman who likes you will be happy you touched her and will probably inch closer to you or smile while you’re doing that. A woman who isn’t into you will instantly become stiff and will not smile, maybe even rolling her eyes  and donning an “ew, get me out of here” look on her face.

4.       It’s all in the Body language:

Look for cues in your date’s body language to help you determine interest. Generally a person who is interested in you will have their body TOWARD you, leaning in, and closer to you. They will have their legs crossed toward you and their body language will seem open, relaxed, and comfortable. They will be looking at you a lot, smiling a lot, and make good eye-contact. Women will often perk their boobs up and arch their back a little, and fix their hair quite a bit. Men may also fix their hair occasionally or their shirt. These are all good signs (called “preening” in the animal kingdom). Now, if your date has their arms crossed, they aren’t smiling very much or their smile or laughs seem forced or stiff, if they are looking away a lot and their legs are crossed AWAY from you, if they pass up opportunities to sit closer to you, and if their body language looks uncomfortable and guarded, those are sure signs that they are NOT into you.

5.       The Jealousy Test:

Now here’s another sneaky little test you can throw out there. This usually works a little better a few more dates or interactions in, but you can still use a version of it on the first date. You basically want to name-drop another guy (or if you’re a guy, then name-drop a girl) in a subtle way, and sense their reaction for any signs of jealousy. You can say something like, “So I have this girl friend, and she just asked me to be her date to a wedding in a few weeks. But I’m pretty sure we’re just friends. What do you think, friends go with friends to weddings right?” Or something along the lines of that. Ask naively, as if you’re getting her or his advice.

If he or she gets defensive at all, talks down on the girl or guy, or seems visibly jealous in any way, or teases you about it, then it’s usually a good indicator that they’re attracted to you. If they pause to think about their answer, that’s usually a good sign as well that means they care and they’re trying to think up the best answer. If they act like they could care less either way or encourage you to go, it’s usually a sign that they are not attracted to you.

You can also subtly drop the name of your female or male friend or mention that you have plans with them next weekend or what not, and see if they ask any follow-up questions or seem jealous at all. Just don’t make it too obvious that you’re fishing and keep this subtle.

6. Handling the Check:

If a woman insists on splitting the bill (not just lightly offers, but insists), then that is often a sign that she just wants to keep it as friends (and she doesn’t want to feel “obligated” to you in any way). If a man tries to keep the date as cheap as possible and wants you to share the bill, that’s often a sign that HE isn’t that interested.

7. The Pupils are Worth 1,000 words:

It’s a scientific fact that when you are attracted to someone or excited by something, your pupils dilate. So a great indicator of whether or not someone is attracted to you is by looking at their eyes! If their pupils are really large when you’re with them and their eyes widen a lot when you’re talking with them, then it’s a good sign that they’re interested. If their pupils are small and their eyes seem flat and unanimated, they are probably bored or just not attracted to you.

8. The Walk-to-the-Car Test:

Another test you can use to determine interest is the walk to the car or house. If you’re a man and your date drove to meet you somewhere, then at the end of the date you should offer to walk her to her car, or her front door-step. If she says, “No thanks, you don’t have to” – that’s usually no-bueno. She’s ready to get away from you and doesn’t want that kiss. And ladies, watch your man’s body language while he’s walking you to your car or front door, and if he even offers to walk you in the first place. If he doesn’t offer to or insist on it, or if he walks you over but keeps his distance and then just gives you a quick & friendly hug, he probably isn’t interested. If he does walk you over and he has his arm around you, is touch-feely, holds your hand or kisses you, then that is usually a sign that he is.

Good Luck! SHARE your comments, thoughts & Experiences below!

Yes, there are some exceptions to the rule… But if the person you’re seeing is guilty of the majority of the things on this list, cut your losses, or proceed with caution.

1. He doesn’t want to introduce you to family, friends or associates. If he doesn’t want to introduce you to the people he’s close to, then he wants to keep you a secret for some reason, either because he isn’t proud of you and isn’t that into you, or because he may have another girl that he’s already seeing.

2. He doesn’t make you a priority. If it often seems like you are shuffled down in his list of priorities, underneath friends, family, work, and other things, then it’s a sure sign that either something sketchy is up or he doesn’t see you as an important part of his life.

3. He isn’t close with his family (or is estranged from them) and has zero or very few friends. Building and maintaining lasting relationships is an important skill and requires selflessness and effort to keep up. If someone is unable to do that, or has no desire to, then what makes you think he is capable of keeping a lasting relationship with you? He may have issues with intimacy or personal connection, or it just simply may not be something that’s important to him. Either way, red flag!

4. He is very secretive: If he appears to be more secretive than you think is natural, i.e. is elusive about many of his plans, seems secretive with his cellphone and laptop and keeps them away from you, ultra private about his personal life or job… Something fishy is going on! He may be keeping secrets from you or living a double-life. Not something you want to be a part of.

5. He is rude to waiters and staff: If he’s rude to waiters or staff or other people in the service industry, that’s a sign of his true character. He is putting on a front to woo you, but soon that façade will crumble and this other side will reveal itself in due time – watch out!

6. He shows signs of Selfishness: He is cheap and doesn’t tip well (yes, look at the tip he leaves!), he always comes first, he doesn’t go down on you or like to please you in bed… All signs of being self-absorbed that are only going to get worse as the relationship progresses.

I was talking to one of my female clients last night in our session, and she was having a hard time struggling with something that I know other people may struggle with too, so it got me all heated and I wanted to write a post on it so I can help those that do. The concept she was struggling with? …That of FLIRTING.

“I just can’t do it, I don’t think I have it in me… it’s not in my nature. I don’t want to bother with it. There has to be other ways of connecting with men…” She said vehemently after I told her that flirting is an essential part of the process of attracting dates and a relationship. She said that since it feels like work for her to flirt and feels ‘unnatural,’ she only wants to flirt with those men who seem like very strong possibilities, and doesn’t want to waste time bothering with it anywhere else. Now I don’t want to single her out though… Many people feel this way, both men and women alike.

But there’s a few things wrong with that thinking…

Number 1) How do you even know if someone is a very strong possibility, within a few seconds of looking at them?? How do you know if they are a strong possibility unless you TALK to them? And if it turns out they ARE a strong possibility, then the only way for them to connect YOU as a strong possibility and for them to be attracted to YOU is for you to create the attraction – by FLIRTING!

And the second thing wrong with that is, flirting is actually a NATURAL and innate part of human interaction… Everyone innately knows how to do it, but if it doesn’t feel comfortable for you or you don’t feel you’re good at it, it is because you don’t normally engage in it and practice it, or you stifle it, therefore it becomes dormant and very weak. Although some people are innately ‘better’ at it than others and more intuitively know how to use it, still everybody does have it. But it IS a skill and art, and those who have developed the skill and art of flirting more adeptly and use it more frequently are at much more of an ADVANTAGE – they tend to be better liked – by both men and women, get significantly more dates, and are more successful and faster at finding a partner than those who don’t.

And the more you do it and practice the art of flirting, the more comfortable and confident you will be with it and the more natural it will seem. If you rarely do it or “save” your flirting just for the few and far between people who seem like very strong prospects, then you will weaken those skills and won’t be able to perform as well as you would like to in that moment. Just like a skill like playing the guitar or snowboarding – Obviously if you haven’t practiced or done it in 10 years, you’re not going to be very good! And many people haven’t practiced the skill of flirting for much longer than that! For some people, all their lives.

To simplify it for those of you who may be in that category, flirting is really just a form of communicating that is slightly different you’re your regular style of speaking and communicating, in that it is more engaging and playful and may have some sexual undertones to it. Flirting is a more charismatic and engaging way to communicate, using your body language and gestures, and your words and energy. It is a different energy than the energy you use while communicating with, say, your brother, or an employee (or at least, it SHOULD be).

Timothy Perper, who has been researching flirting for 30 years, says, “Flirting captures the interest of the other person and says ‘Would you like to play?’” And one of the most exhilarating things about the game is that the normal rules of social interaction are rubberized. Clarity is not the point. “Flirting opens a window of potential. Not yes, not no,” says Perper. It just makes the possibility open and available to the other party, allowing you both to entertain it through your interaction. Without which, that possibility isn’t perceived or picked up on by the other party. (Hence how you fall into the “Friend Zone”)

Flirting is a way of communicating to the person you’re interacting with that “I do not want to just be your friend. I am a romantic possibility for you.” And it triggers interest and attraction in the mind of the person you’re speaking to. It separates you from every other average person they talked to that day, and creates a pulling effect, drawing them to you. This creates far more opportunities and options for you to choose from, and GREATLY enhances the odds that those you engage with that you are interested in will be a success and reciprocate those feelings of attraction!

If you do not alter your energy and communication by way of flirting when you’re talking to someone you’re interested in, then you’re not signaling to their subconscious that you’re anyone special or different that they should take note of; it will not trigger a romantic-sexual connection. You are perceived as just a ‘Friend’ to them or a stranger, that they’ll soon forget when they walk away. It will not register. So, if you frequently find yourself talking to a lot of people, but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere, i.e. they never seem to ask for your number or ask you out, or your dates often don’t lead to anything romantic (aka, falling into the Friend Zone) – it is most likely because you are exhibiting just ‘Friend Energy’ when you’re interacting with them, and not ‘Romantic-Sexual energy’ by properly flirting.

So, why WOULDN’T you want to flirt then?? Also, as I stated before, the act of flirting is CHARISMATIC, and infused with positive energy… and the more positive energy and charisma you spread – onto anyone, man or woman – the MORE you will create and manifest for yourself. It cycles back to you and you become a magnet for attracting good opportunities and good people into your life every day. When you choose to ‘reserve’ or ‘save’ that positive energy for just certain select people and you don’t ‘bother’ to put it out there with most other people you encounter, you are only going to attract more scarcity into your life. You will continue to attract a LACK of that positive flirtatious energy, and lack of prospects, because YOU are expressing a lack of it. It is just Law (Law of Attraction). It is how energy works…

Okay I can write pages on the whole metaphysical argument for why flirting is beneficial but I’ll spare you this time, instead  I just wanted to give you several real and factual reasons WHY practicing flirting is GOOD and why it works, especially if your end goal is to find a relationship. And why choosing not to do flirt or ‘reserving’ your flirting either because of laziness in that you feel it “takes too much effort,” or shyness, or lack of interest or desire to because you don’t ‘see the point’ – is only detrimental to you and really holds you back, stalling the process.

So, take my advice and.. Flirt, Flirt, and FLIRT! Practice flirting on a daily basis just with some of the people you encounter in your day, and you will really strengthen your skills. The more you engage in it, the more solidly the art of it all and the subtleties will just ‘click.’ If you don’t use it… You really do lose it.

This entry was more about the importance of flirting rather than a How-To, so stay tuned for a future post on How to Master the Art of Flirting.

For now though, just remember some of the keys to flirting are: Playfulness, Teasing, Warm, Positive Energy, Eye Contact, open and interested Body Language and Gestures.

Your Challenge? To Flirt with 2 people every day for the rest of the week. Embrace it, Practice it…. and just have FUN!

Share your COMMENTS below!