New Video: My Thoughts on the Bachelorette Final 4 Men

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5 Love Lessons we Can Learn from The Bachelorette!

5 Dating & Love Lessons we Can Learn from the Bachelorette

As I was watching The Bachelorette Monday night with a group of my girlfriends, and of course, adding my commentary and predictions with every scene, I realized yet again just how many lessons we can take from the show and how many Do’s, Don’ts and massive faux pas there are among the bachelors and bachelorettes. So I’m going to recap week by week the best and worst dating lessons we can learn from every week’s episode.

From Monday night’s episode…

1. The Weatherman’s Kissing Fumble:

Oh. My. What a cringe-worthy mess this was. So just to recap, the “Weatherman” was set up for a kiss while he and Ali were filming a music video for the Bare Naked Ladies. Now, how much EASIER could it get?? This guy was TOLD to kiss her, and it was set up in the script! But, the poor little guy was so nervous and uncomfortable; he attempted about 8 painful attempts to lean in and kiss her, but kept chickening out at the last minute. Until finally, Ali had to metaphorically put on the pants and kissed HIM, just to hurry up and get the scene over with as he wasn’t doing the job. (Oh and then to top it off, he cried afterward because he was so embarrassed). And as if that wasn’t bad enough, later on in his 5 minutes of alone time with her, ASKS her if “it would be okay” if he kisses her. (And then says, “But if you don’t want to, I totally understand. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable so it’s up to you…” Of course, now that he has made it all awkward, Ali fiddles a bit, and changes the subject, like almost any other woman would also do when asked if we want to be kissed so weakly like this. Thus, no kiss for the Weatherman.

This guy and his moves scream ‘wussy’ all over it. He fumbled big time here, and there’s no turning back. If you’re going to kiss a girl, Grab her, and GO in for the kiss, with confidence and purpose, no hesitation! Don’t ask her for her “permission;” don’t apologize for a kiss, or hesitate or get tounge-tied, just go for it.  Assume that she wants it. That’s how you demonstrate your masculinity and confidence to her. By acting hesitantly and asking for her permission, you lower your perceived value because you’re showing doubt and insecurity (basically saying to her, I don’t get this chance often with girls, and I think you may say no and reject me, so I’m going to ask you beforehand just in case it’s a no so I can save me from rejection and embarrassment.) That is assuming a ‘No.’ And that’s likely going to seal your fate. But the way to seal your fate as a Yes is to assume a YES with women!

1. Ali Gushing to Roberto about how HOT he is.

Okay, we all know how hot Roberto and his luscious dimples are, but Ali really broke a golden rule here and lowered her own value and attractiveness by gushing to him starry-eyed and saturating him with compliments, telling him how hot and good-looking he is, (“Oh my gosh, you are just so good looking, I don’t know if you know that but you really should because you are just soo good-looking…”) and downright gushing all over him (”Oh my gosh, and you even speak other languages too? Wow!…). Right when you say those things to someone, you’re perceived value goes DOWN. Although they feel flattered and their ego is heavily stroked, they begin to think, “Wow, I must be the best looking person they’ve ever gone out with. They must not normally attract good-looking people…” And then they’re thinking, “Wait, why DON’T they get good-looking people, is there something wrong with them? … Is there something wrong with ME for liking her/him? Maybe I’m too good for her/him…” And down goes your value.

Ali, keep those thoughts to yourself no matter how much he’s racing in your mind. In the beginning and those first crucial dates, when you’re with someone good-looking, you want to avoid the starry-eyed “gushing” like this at all costs. And the better-looking they are, the less you should mention it!  Don’t be a cliché, be the one person that’s a challenge to them. Later on when you’re dating more steadily, you can drop some compliments every now and then, but in the beginning, keep it cool.

1. Justin Hobbling up the hill to Ali’s house.

Now, this guy is a bit of a tool, I admit, BUT I can’t ignore the fact that he did pull a move that was quite ballsy that I’ve got to give him credit for. Since he didn’t get an official ‘alone’ date with Ali all week, he did something that no other guy has done. He actually found out where Ali’s place was, and discreetly hiked over two miles by himself to go see her and get his alone time – WITH a broken leg and crutches, mind you. Now all the other boys in the house did give him crap for it, but the fact is, it is a competition. The guys’ primary purpose there shouldn’t be to make BFFs, it’s to win the lady, and he was the only one ballsy and resourceful enough to take the initiative and MAKE time with her, create the situation that he wanted, when he wasn’t given any. All the other guys simply dealt with what they were given, and didn’t even think to scheme up a plan and find their own way of wooing her, yet this guy did.

So I have to say, tool or not, this was a powerful male move on his part and more men should take heed to his example of creative persistence and male boldness.

1. Hunter‘s Dud Date: Not making a move by the Fireplace or Jacuzzi.

Now this date was just plain awkward. For those who missed it, Ali chose to spend an alone date with Hunter, the quiet gangly guy from Texas. They had a long leisurely date, in which he came over to her pad, and they cooked together, went in the hot tub, and had a romantic setup outside by her fire under the stars complete with blankets and booze and all. Now, they had all the ingredients necessary for romance – champagne, stars, a gorgeous setting, a fire, a hot-tub, and alone time… Yet instead of Hunter making any moves, the only thing you can hear were…crickets, crickets. In the hot tub, the two of them were sitting down side-by-side, both staring straight forward and not talking. No moves were made. By the fire, they were sitting next to each other and he was talking about work and asking her lame questions. Men, this is an example of what NOT to do.

Usually with women, you do NOT get multiple chances. They will only give you one chance, and if the date has any romantic elements to it especially, you better believe that the woman is going to be testing you the whole time to see how you respond and if you’re able to create a romantic vibe, or if you’re just going to act like a friend. Friends hang out in hot tubs, and lovers MAKE out in hot tubs! A guy who wants to let a girl know that he wants more than just friendship takes the initiative and kisses her in the hot tub, as well as other places. A guy who wants a romantic relationship with a girl will take advantage of the fireside setup and put his arm around her, keep her warm and kiss her. He’s going to do things that show her that he’s not going to be seen as just a friend, but as a lover and sexual being with masculine instincts.

Gentlemen, when you’re in those situations, you need to initiate it, and it’s up to YOU whether or not the relationship turns romantic or stays at the friendship level…You set up the scene and create the romantic spark… its not up to her! She is waiting for YOUR cues. Don’t wait for cues from her, and don’t wait for her to say, “Now I would like you to kiss me,” because that is not going to happen from most women, and she is expecting that from YOU. If you’re a shy or reserved guy, and it takes you a while to ‘come out of your shell,’ then realized that women don’t like to waste time, and they are not looking for “friends.”… We have enough of them.  If they are out with you, they are trying to see if you could be a possible boyfriend/husband/sexual partner, period. And they will only give you a few chances at most for you to prove which category you fall into, the possible boyfriend or the friend.

1. Roberto grabbing and kissing her while on the Tightrope.

First off, the date with them begins with a helicopter ride over the canyons, and Roberto played it perfectly by comforting the pretending-to-be-afraid of heights Ali, and kept his cool, looking “protective and manly.” Then after the helicopter ride, it is announced that before they can go eat dinner, they are to walk a treacherous tightrope between two nameless LA skyscrapers. Now instead of freaking out or hyperventilating, crying, or making a big fuss like many guys might tend to do in this situation, Roberto completely kept his cool and confidence and approached the walk with excitement and calmness, which is how a man should always act in situations involving height, spiders, or anything else potentially frightening. It’s a man’s job to keep his calm and cool and be the rock for the woman – never let it be the other way around, no matter how uncomfortable or scared you may really be inside! Kudos, Roberto.

Then, to add to the manly brownie points, while Ali and Roberto were walking the tightrope from building to building on their alone date, hand in hand, they were about to fall 10 stories high while I was getting nauseous, and then Roberto grabs her and pulls her close and while they could have lost balance at any time, plants a long and sensual Spanish kiss on her. The cameras got a great shot of them shakily kissing with the city all around them and below them. What a rush. Now while this could be construed by some as somewhat corny (and dangerous), what Roberto did was a key technique that I teach my client avidly – the importance of creating “BMMs,” or, “Bonding Memorable Moments.”  This was indeed a Bonding Memorable Moment, and an awesome one at that  – anytime that you’re in a situation that is unique, you can use that to create a moment that your date will remember – and associate YOU with those heightened feelings. And the more exciting the stimuli or circumstances are, the more senses and emotions are involved – in this case, fear, excitement, adrenaline – her emotions were soaring in this moment because of all the adrenaline and fear and excitement involved in walking this tightrope – the more MEMORABLE the moment, and the more your date will feel bonded toward you.

So she’s going to associate all those exhilarating, exciting feelings with Roberto, and he’s going to have a huge leg-up (literally) over the other guys who didn’t take advantage of such moments. Good dating move, Roberto!  And Men, take notes

Leave your thoughts, comments, rants and raves below!

Love, DeAnna xo

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My Summer MEMORIAL Day Re-Open Sale Begins TODAY!

Hey Guys – I’ve got some GREAT news for you!

I’ve just re-opened new client sign-ups and am taking on a new cycle of clients right now for my 90-Day Rapid Relationship Attraction Coaching Plan! (See full plan HERE)

As most of you know, since I am a Coach and I work personally one-on-one with my private clients, I only have a LIMITED amount of spots and clients I can take on at the same time. I take on a certain number of in-person clients and a certain number of phone-coaching clients per cycle. Once I’m full to capacity, I work with those clients only and cannot take on any more new clients until I’m finished with that cycle, which is about 3-4 months.

So now that its almost Summer, most of my former client’s terms are now concluding and I’ve just RE-OPENED some new slots! It’s now time for me to cycle in fresh new clients who are ready and motivated to make a change in their lives and love lives and find the relationship they’ve been wanting! I know many of you who I’ve had to have you wait have been waiting eagerly for several months for when I can take new sign-ups again, so thank you for your patience – and now it’s YOUR turn to get in and experience amazing results with your dating and love lives! And please hurry while I’ve got these open slots, because once they’re filled, it won’t be until several more months before I can see you, and there is NO time like the PRESENT time to make those changes in your life that you know need to make now, and find LOVE before the end of Summer!

My Summer Memorial Day Re-Open Sale Begins TODAY! (Ends day after Memorial Day)

AND even more good news – you’ll also get extra special bonuses and perks for taking action early and signing up within the first 72 hours of my Spring Re-Open, including a major discount off my normal coaching rate and special extra features and add-ins to your program that are not normally available if you sign up at any other times. So if you’ve been tempted to begin date coaching with me, or maybe you’ve been wanting to for a while but was putting it off due to your budget, this is your PERFECT opportunity to jump on it now and take advantage of my early bird offer, because you’re going to spend the least amount of money and get the most bang for your buck when you sign up in these next 72 hours!

And I make it even more easy and convenient to sign up now,  because I also offer a very easy pay plan that makes it affordable for ANY budget. PLUS, every ‘open season’ I give 1 lucky person the opportunity of 3 months of private coaching with me – PRO Bono! Yes, that means, completely FREE! So all you have to do is enter your name & info in the form below within the next 72 hours and you’ll be in the running to win it. More details on my Pro-Bono offer below.

Also, if you want to talk to me further about this special offer before you sign up or have some additional questions about my coaching plan that will help you make your decision, no worries – we can set up a phone call first and as long I’ve received your consultation request within the next 72-hours, you will STILL get this special sale package and price (and to do that all you need to do is simply drop in your contact info in the form below and press ‘Submit,’ and you’re IN and will get all the special features & bonuses!)

So just to recap, here is a summary of what I’m opening up and offering to you RIGHT NOW that’s available only in my Summer Memorial Day Re-open Sale for the next 72-Hours (or until all my slots fill up, which usually takes 1-3 days of opening):

My popular 90-Day Rapid Relationship Attraction Coaching Plan (See full plan HERE)

• DRAMATICALLY improved & Heightened Confidence, Self-Image & Identity
• Powerfully & Genuinely developed “Inner Game.”
• Heightened Value, Desirability, Sex Appeal & Attractiveness
• Dramatically enhanced ability to be able to communicate, connect with & attract the opposite sex, especially those that are attractive, compatible and ‘high-quality.’
• A More Active, Full & Exciting Dating Life & Social Life
• An active & Vibrant Dating Life & flowing pipeline of dates and prospects
• You will have developed all the dating, attraction and communication skills and techniques and will have all the confidence and tools to successfully approach, attract, date, and create lasting relationships with the men and women that you want
• If your goal is to find your Soulmate or a committed relationship, you will accelerate the process and be significantly closer by the end of the 3 months if not in one.

What You’ll get When you Sign up…

We’ll have Weekly 1-Hour Coaching sessions (either in my office in San Diego, CA or over the phone, Skype or Webcam)

Ongoing Support and accountability in-between Coaching sessions

Access to my private exclusive ‘Client Center’ which has reading material, a place for logging & journaling discoveries, wins and challenges along the way, client Goal Tracking, Session Recap forms, and more.

Plus enjoyable Coaching Assignments and Tasks in-between sessions to keep you moving forward, maximize your growth & lock in your success But if you act now and sign up within the next 72 Hours, you’ll ALSO get these other additional bonuses included in your plan that help take your experience and results to the highest level:

♦ BONUS #1: Every value-packed coaching session is recorded and all the MP3s are yours to keep and listen to again & again (these help tremendously to refer back to

♦ BONUS #2: You will get the 90-Day Rapid Relationship Attraction Plan System Workbook INCLUDED f.ree in your plan and either send to you in a downloadable version or print/paperback form. Normally this resells individually for $179 and is an additional add-in to your coaching package, but you will get this as a bonus gift if you sign up within the sale.

♦ BONUS #3: Online Dating Profile Makeover & Review: I am going to give you a f.ree Online Dating profile makeover & review, a service that is normally separate or an optional add-in for I charge $199 for, I am going to generously give to you as another bonus gift in your VIP Coaching package for f.ree. so you’ll be all set up to prosper online in addition to offline.

♦ BONUS #4: An additional Hypnosis or NLP coaching session of your choice to be used at any time and in an area of your choosing – Career, Wealth-Attraction, Super-charged Motivation, Confidence, Public Speaking Anxiety, Phobias, Depression, Weight-Loss, you name we’ll do it. This session is in addition to all your other weekly sessions. You’ll also get the session recorded onto a CD for you to keep.

♦ BONUS #5: Save yourself money! If you act within the next 72-hours, you will get to take advantage of a major discount on my normal fee. Here’s the difference:

Your Investment: Normally: $649/Month

Special SUMMER Sale price: All of the above, for only $487/Month if you act now! (offer only good if you sign up for your consultation via the form below within the next 72-Hours!) You will not be able to get my coaching plan or work with me personally for anything lower than this.

OR Take advantage of my My easy Payment Plan (below), if you sign up within the next 72 Hours!

Easy Payment Plan option: 6 Payments of $249

So ALL you’ll need to pay to get started and lock in your slot is just $249 today! You won’t have to pay again for another 2-3 weeks.

Reserve your Slot Now!

Easy Pay! Pay-Plan $249.00

Special PRO-Bono Offer

Also, remember that you can still apply to win my 1 ‘Pro-Bono’ Coaching client slot that I give to 1 lucky and motivated person who needs it every cycle. I go through each entry personally by hand and consider each person’s situation and story to determine a winner, I do not do a random drawing. So the person who I choose to help will be someone who genuinely wants to improve their life and love but is financially unable to afford any of my services. This is your chance to be coached by me personally for FREE!

So if this is you, please fill out the quick form below along with your brief situation or story, and I will let you know within 72 hours if I’ve chosen you or not. Good luck!

Contact Deanna

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8 Sexy Summer Dates to Heat up your Romance!

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8 Sexy Summer Dates to Heat up your Romance! (By DeAnna)

Woohoo! Summer is here already and it’s the perfect time for heating things up, whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been married for years. Here’s some ultra- hot and creative (and low-budget) Summer dates that’ll help your relationship heat up right along with the weather!

1. A Star-Gazing Picnic. This date is so easy and low-budget, you can do it right in your own backyard! And Summer is great for meteor showers and planetary happenings. Take your honey and pack up a bottle (or three) of wine, some appetizers or dinner, dark chocolate and a blanket. (Optional romance-enhancing add-ons: Candles and a telescope or binoculars.) Then hike on down to your backyard, the beach, or the top of a hill, and enjoy a beautiful sunset over drinks and dinner followed up with an evening of star-gazing.

1. The Retro Date: The summer is the perfect time for a little out-doors action! Pack up a dinner for two or enough for a double-date, take a convertible or pickup truck to a Drive-in movie theatre, and get cozy while you eat, drink, snuggle, and enjoy a movie or two together under the stars while making out like teenagers. (Bonus – Rent an old Classic car for the evening!)

1. Spanish Fiesta Date. Pretend like you’re in Spain and recapture that far-from-home vacation feeling by dressing up in skimpy Summery attire and whipping up an ice-cold carafe of fresh Spanish Sangria, have some Spanish romantic guitar playing in the background, and slowly seducing your lover’s appetite with savory Tapas (or little Spanish plates) like Spanish meatballs, ham and cheese, Chorizo and Croquettes, and Garlic-stuffed Olives (my personal faves!) Mmm….

1. The Wet-and-Wild Date! Getting wet and wild is always fun, and helps rekindle that playful side that may often get stifled in times of stress throughout the year. Grab your man and take him to a pool, a beach, a lake or a nearby water-park, and just spend the day frolicking and playing under the hot sun.

1. Wild Road-Trip it. When’s the last time you rent anywhere new and random? GO somewhere – anywhere! And make it somewhere at least 3 hours away so you can enjoy bonding with your hubby and create some memories while driving. The more random a place you choose, the more fun memories you’re likely to create. Try not to plan it too much, leave any work stuffiness at home, and keep it spontaneous and surprising. And hey, get in a little trouble while you’re at it.

1. Host an Island-Themed Summer Soiree! Make a date in your own backyard by inviting some friends and couples over, make some tropical fruity cocktails and appetizers and set up some Tiki torches and you’ve got yourself a perfectly fun and romantic evening or afternoon of playtime .

1. The Live Music Date. Summer’s the time for outdoor concerts, festivals and live music galore. Checking out some sweet live music with your sweetie makes for a perfect low-budget Summer date, so get out there and enjoy them while the weather’s warm and the mood is right.

1. Couples Camping Trip. Who says you have to stay in a 4-Star hotel to have a fabulously romantic time? There’s nothing sexier than being holed up inside a cozy tent with your lover, out in the middle of nature, with him keeping you warm and making a fire for you (and doing all those primal ‘manly’ things like hunting and fishing for you.) Get a sitter and plan a “couples-only” camping trip with you and another couple or two and get seductively inspired by the nature around you. Preferably go somewhere next to a lake so you can do a little midnight skinny-dipping!

Let me know what you think of these and if you end up trying any of em!

With Love, DeAnna

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‘Stud’ or ‘Dud?’ How do YOU come out looking in our Girl-Talks?

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Ok guys, this one’s for you. I was sitting around the table with a group of my girlfriends last week, drinking wine, eating, and of course, doing one of our (and every girl on the planet’s) favorite past-times; Talking about men. And, more specifically, an “update” on everyone’s most recent dates and current guys they are dating. An evening with girlfriends just wouldn’t be complete without our juicy “Girl Talk.” And by ‘updates’ I mean, every specific nuance of the date – and the man at hand. (We need specifics) And I realized that if a guy were a fly on the wall in our conversations, or any woman’s for that matter, he’d really get a load of priceless insight on what to do and not do to attract women.

YES men, girls talk, and we talk about you. And based on things you do (or DON’T do) on our dates with you…you can come out of a 20-minute girl conversation (complete with “Ooh-ing” and “Aah-ing” or “Boo!-ing”) either looking like a total STUD… or being thrashed and labeled a total DUD. (Hey don’t blame us…It’s just a part of ‘girl bonding!’ Don’t try to tell us you don’t have YOUR own version And if you don’t think our friend’s opinions about the guy we’re dating doesn’t influence our decision about you and whether or not to keep dating you… you’re very naive : )  You’ve got to know that when you date a girl, you’re also essentially ‘dating’ her friends, so how do you want to come out looking? SO… on that note, how’d you like to know what some of those “Stud-Makers” and “Dud-Makers” are that girls discuss about YOU?? Well…there’s a laundry list of too many to list here right now, but I’ll go ahead and list a few of them. (Stay tuned for PART II of Stud or Dud!)

Let’s start with some of those fast and easy “Stud-Makers” that are sure to come up in conversation…

1. Looking SHARP & Put-Together: Most decent women are going to notice whether you looked like you rolled out of bed 10 minutes before the date or you actually put some effort into it. We certainly put effort into looking great for YOU, so we expect you to put in the same effort for us when you show up, okay? Looking sloppy or too casual is fine for hanging out with your boys or after you’re already comfortable with a girl, but for the first few dates, step it up! Even if you’re more of a ‘casual’ or ‘T-shirt’ guy or collared shirts bother your neck or make you feel ‘gay’ – (not that there’s anything wrong with that) -  suck it up for a few hours por favor (because with our 4-inch heels and sporting dresses in the winter, we sure do) and kick it up a notch. You’ve only got one time to make a first impression, and believe it or not you’ll actually stand out and set yourself apart from the other lame guys who pick us up dressed sloppy and carelessly (at the very least check for holes and stains!). And it’s something so simple that you can do that will automatically elevate you to a higher status with her and her friends. You’ll be getting comments from us like, “Yeah, and he actually has STYLE!” and “He actually dressed NICE!” …Which translates to lots of “Oohs” and “Keep dating him!” cheers from her girls.

2. Acts of Gentleman-ly CHIVALRY: Yes, we DO notice when a man is chivalrous or not and does those “Gentleman-ly” gestures, so make sure you open her door for her (car doors and restaurants or venues), and walk her to her door at the end of the date. Also, although some girls may not take you up on it due to safety issues, at least offer to pick her up. These details, while they may seem small or cliche, are ‘cliche’ for a reason – they get our attention, they are appreciated, and they do work in your favor. Doing these gestures shows you are at the very least an upstanding guy who has respect and class; often a rarity to find nowadays, and will turn her friends into your fans. Not doing these things will signal lack of care and respect. Booo.

4. Is a good KISSER: It doesn’t matter if you look like Rob Pattinson or Danny DeVito… a good kiss will sweep a girl off our feet! Go in for the kiss with confidence and certainty, and kiss us like you mean it. Then send us on our way and into our house. You can be certain she’s going to be calling her girls the second she gets into her home with glowing reviews about your A+ kissing skills, they’ll all be rooting for you and wondering what you’re like in bed, and you can pretty much guarantee she’s going to go on another date with you (if for no other reason than to continue kissing where you left off and check out what else you’ve got up your sleeve.) This is a skill that should be mastered, for your benefit.

5. Taking the LEAD, taking “Care” of things, “Handling” things. Okay so we girls just LOVE it when the man we go on a date with really just “HANDLES” things! You’re taking US out, taking control of the evening. From having plans already set to go and either the reservations already set or a few good options for her to choose from (rather than brainstorming on the phone with her about what to do on the date and where she wants to go – attraction declining), to taking the initiative to order drinks and food, if there’s a problem, taking care of it (waitress taking too long to come by? Your date looks cold and doesn’t have a sweater? Take care of it!) and so on. We go dishing to our girls about how we like the fact that you took the lead and took care of things, and you get ’stamped’ by us as a real Man, not a boy.

3. You “Pleased” HER First! Well, this one can be stretched out past the first date since these ‘activities’ may not happen until several dates in, but yes being patient and “generous” in this regard in the beginning will certainly pay off for you. Please her first, and the rewards will come. Plus a whole bunch of praise and “Yay!’s” from her girls. Good stuff!

And now, these following 5 things you do will be brought up, and when they do, will get you BOO!ed right out of her mind:

1. You took her somewhere “lame,” cheap, or cliche. Ambiance is everything with us girls, and we leave it to you guys to set the ’scene’ and cater to our senses. If you take us to somewhere where we’ve probably already been to a bunch of times (like Johnny V’s or World Famous [for you San Diegans], or a generic, cliche chain restaurant like Benni Hana’s or Chevy’s, or a lame or cheap-looking place with a non-romantic atmosphere like one that’s really bright and open with kids running around just because there’s $3 drink specials, our girls are going to here about it, and you’ll probably get docked at least a few points.

2. You were rude to Waiters, Staff or other people: Oh yes, this is a big one often overlooked by guys. We definitely look for how you treat waiters and staff, or other people because we feel it gives us a glimpse into your true character. So be mindful of how you treat them and mind your P’s & Q’s! If you’re rude or arrogant to them, tip them poorly, send back your meal after you’ve eaten half, and so on… that’ll be seen as a glaring ‘Red Flag’ and not go over so kindly.

3. You “Cheaped out” on the bill: On that note, we also talk about how you handle the bill when it’s that time! A lot of guys make it awkward by just letting the bill sit out there on the table for a while gathering dust, or by making comments about the amount or price of the items under your breath as you’re biting your nails: (”Woah, that Chardonnay was pricey!” or “Wow I hope that Creme Brulee was worth it..”), nickel-and-diming over things, and the like. And if you make HER pay for half or accept her offer, (yes, even if she offers) on a first date… the report will not be pretty! It may have even been a great date up till then, which is a shame, because she’ll probably say something to her friends like: “Well it was an awesome date and he SEEMED really great, BUT THEN…he… (”made me pay for half!”) (”was weird about the bill”) (”was cheap!”)…and fill in the blank. In other words, Not a good foot to start out on. When the bill comes, handle it like a man, handle it gracefully, and tip well please. If you need to stress out about it you can stress out about it or throw a stuffed animal later after you’ve dropped her off. It does not go unnoticed by us, and it’ll pay off for you, we promise.

4. Excessive “Name-Dropping”: YOU know who you are – You like to throw around lots of ‘hints’ that you’re ultra-cool or successful or connected – just to make sure she got the memo that you’re a valuable guy to be around. Maybe you throw it out there that you’ve got a yacht or a Limo, you know the bouncers at The Ivy or hottest nightclubs, showing her pictures from your recent trip to Fiji on your i-Phone, your ex-girlfriend was a model, you’ve got two Ferrari’s and a home in Aspen, that whole deal. Well guess what, your gloating doesn’t impress us. A little tactful name-dropping here and there – if it’s relevant – is fine, but subtlety and modesty go a lot further with us in the end than excessive name-dropping, which can come across either like you’re actually NOT that cool so you’re overcompensating for something, or you’re really full of yourself. AKA, very “tool-esque” (yes I just made that word up). If you’re really successful or have valuable traits or assets, we will know or we’ll pick up on it on our own, without you having to throw them right in front of our faces. And when we find out about those assets in a more natural way as they happen to come up, we will be much MORE impressed and turned on, and it will speak much more highly of your character and values.

5. Hitting on or Checking out other Women in front of us: I know, I know, it’s just part of a male’s programming to check out their female ’surroundings’ wherever you go as if at a museum. But I’m telling you so you can be consciously AWARE of it and don’t make this mistake. No you do not have to have your eyes glued on to your date the whole time. A little mystery as to your feelings about her is good and cool. But she will think twice about you if you rubber-neck a girl passing by or give a girl a double-take or a look that lingers a little too long. And it’s cool to be friendly to waiters and staff, her friends and other people, but there’s a line between friendly and TOO friendly, and too friendly is downright disrespectful. If it seems like you’re hitting on them or getting a little too friendly, rest assured she’ll be telling her friends about it and you’ll  be put on the Warning List as a “Potential Player” or “Sleaze,” or other undesirable labels, and will be on close watch for any behaviors that help us ‘confirm’ it!

Do you ladies have any more to add to the list? Share your comments below!

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5 Love Lessons to Learn from the Jesse James Scandal!

Wow, not AGAIN?? It saddens me that just a few months on the heels of the Tiger Woods cheating scandal comes yet another Hollywood cheating debacle, that of Jesse James and Sandra Bullock. What the hell is going on around here?? As the details unfold and more and more tattooed-laden mistresses pop up out of the woodwork, I’m beginning to feel more and more hopeless about the commitment potential of the male gender and the institute of marriage on the whole. Booo!

So many questions are raised from these excruciatingly public examples of infidelity…

WHY would Jesse cheat in the first place? And why would he cheat with women who are so starkly DIFFERENT than the clean Sandra B.??

Why would he even get married in the first place, if he wasn’t ready to settle down or rid himself of his bad boy ways?

Did she see any signs of his infidelity before hand? Was there anything that could have been done to prevent this? Was she responsible for it at all?

Now while nobody really knows all the true facts or both sides of the story, and I believe that no matter what the situation, there is still NO excuse for cheating, I do feel that while the story is out there and what’s done is done, BEING a Dating & Relationship Coach and dealing with issues like these every day, I might as well make an example out of them to analyze their story and break down what love lessons we all can take from them and apply to our OWN love lives.

Again, my personal philosophy is that if you’re unhappy in a relationship, you need to talk to your partner about it and see if you can work it out, or break it off with the person. Cheating is a wussy’s way out and is cowardice and selfish so don’t read this and get all huffy thinking I’m making excuses for his cheating or saying it’s her fault. BUT, here are some lessons for you, especially women, can learn from these scandals that can perhaps prevent this situation from happening to you in the first place and reduce the instances of cheating…

1. Look into their past – And Don’t ignore the warning signs. And if the guy (or girl) has a history of cheating or swinging or dating porn stars or strippers or indulging in wild ways, um…. Do not just look the other way at this or believe he’s been recovered from this! Don’t be stupid. And don’t take what they say at face value and blindly believe it. Proceed with CAUTION, and date slowly, continuously testing them for ‘accuracy’ and do not enter in a committed relationship with them until you’ve received numerous and continuous confirmations of their integrity and honesty. Most people show us all we need to know right away – we just pretend we didn’t see them or rationalize them away. Heed these signs, and trust your instincts.And ladies please, don’t take it upon yourself to try to ‘tame’ the ‘Bad Boy,’ a la Charlie Sheen’s many ex-wives and all these other foolish Hollywood women. Don’t think you can be the one who can ‘change’ him and save him from his wild ways. If he hasn’t changed by now, he’s NOT gonna. Not for you or anyone, and you’re a fool and wasting your time if you set out to make this your goal. If it’s the chase and thrills you’re after, go hop on his Harley for a fun ride and call it a day, but for Heaven’s sake don’t be silly enough to try to scrape of his tattoos – there’s a reason why they’re permanent.

1. Don’t let things get repetitive – Keep things Fresh, Exciting & Surprising. Most people, especially women, fall into this trap when they’ve been in a relationship or marriage for longer than a year and especially if they live with each other. They let things get repetitive and stale, both inside and outside the bedroom. Sex becomes routine, their schedule becomes predictable, and they gradually start getting ‘comfortable’ and letting their physical appearances go more and more as they grow closer with their partner. And then they wonder why their partner loses interests or cheats on them?? But don’t fall into this trap. Just because you’re in a comfortable relationship doesn’t mean you can GET comfortable. Attraction is a fragile thing, it can easily fade and it’s YOUR responsibility to continue to work at it and KEEP it MAINTAINED (both of your responsibilities). You need to keep things fresh, new and exciting. Continuously try new things, toys and sexual positions in the bedroom on at least a monthly basis if not more. Experiment with new fantasies and games. Surprise your partner often and do new things to keep things spontaneous. Continue to dress up for your partner and keep yourself and your body attractive. And not only keep yourself attractive, but change things up every so often too. Change up your hairstyle, length and color, your outfits and style, and sexual routine often to keep things fresh and novel!

1. Be Sexually Open-Minded and Willing to try new things – Don’t be judgmental. Often times, men feel the desire to cheat and look elsewhere for sex because their wives or girlfriends are not satisfying them in the ways they really want. Many girls are too close-minded and are not open to trying new things and experimenting, and worse, are judgmental if their man shares a fantasy with them or has a new sexual request he wants them to try. So if they get turned down too much by their women, or feel judged by them or don’t feel comfortable in discussing these things, after time they’re going to feel unloved and unsatisfied and will start feeling the need to look elsewhere to satisfy them. Exhibit A: Tiger Woods and his two dozen stripper flings. Exhibit B: Jesse James and his porn star mistresses. Why these women?? Because men know that they will be open-minded, sexually adventurous and ‘down’ with doing the things that those guys want without shutting them down or feeling judged.  Now these may be extreme examples, but case in point is to never underestimate the vital role that sex plays in a man’s relationship with a woman – if you are not keeping your man sexually happy and satisfied and if you’re not letting him feel free to express his full and deepest sexual self, then he may very likely feel the need to cheat and even feel justified in doing so!

1. Don’t fall into the chronic ‘Mother Role’ trap. Just because you’ve become a mother, does NOT automatically put you in a different role and strip you from all your sexuality. So many women after becoming a mom become glued to the mother role and it becomes all about the kids; they see themselves as a ‘mom’ and they stop dressing up for their partner, stop putting effort into the romance and sex life and put their husband or partner at the bottom of their priorities. Then gradually they grow more and more apart. But you need to remember that while your mother role is important to have, you’ve got to be able to separate yourself from that role at times too and slip back into your role of wife or girlfriend, of lover and sexual partner, and then put your 100% effort into that role when you’re in it just as you do in your mother role so you can keep your romantic relationship alive and FLOURISHING. You need to continue to embrace and maintain BOTH roles, both parts of you, or else it will die – and your romantic relationship will die along with it.

1. Make it a priority to continuously improve your love and sex life – and ASK for Feedback! A relationship isn’t something you can just press a ‘GO’ button and walk away from assuming it’s going to run for life. If you want longevity in your relationship and you want to keep each other’s attraction for each other HIGH year by year, your relationship needs ongoing, consistent maintenance and improvement. It needs FUEL to keep going… And the best way to improve your relationship is to – what a concept! – ASK your partner for feedback. ASK for feedback and have regular honest communication about how the relationship is going. Just like a ‘Relationship Report Card,’ share your feedback and requests with your partner, and ask your partner for theirs. Ask him or her if there is anything you can do at this time that would help improve your relationship and sex life. Ask your partner if there’s anything that’s been on their mind that they’d like to express, any requests or things they’d like to try, either sexually or otherwise. You’d be surprised what you can learn from your partner simply by asking them and creating a safe, non-judgmental environment for them to express their desires, needs and requests. Make sure your partner feels heard and loved when you turn it over to them, just as you should express your needs and feedback in a loving, not demanding or criticizing, way. If you make it a practice to check in with each other and share your feedback and requests like this on a regular basis, you’re going to cultivate an amazingly deep, committed and exciting relationship, filled with high attraction and lust for each other that will last for years and years.

Maybe if Sandra and Jesse had tried these things, Jesse wouldn’t have cheated. Or, maybe he’s just a scum-bag or has deeply embedded issues and he would have cheated no matter what or who the partner had been, which is sometimes the simple case as well! But, at least we can use their relationship as a learning tool for strengthening and saving our own relationships, so take from these lessons what you will…and here’s to YOUR relationship success!

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I Love Secret Admirers! (Good Attraction Strategy:)

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So, I’ve just gotta say, I just LOVE secret admirers. I don’t care how old I get, how many relationships I’ve been in or what my relationship status is, I just love them. Yes, even me. EVERY woman does. I feel extra inspired to write this entry because, well, I just opened my office door a minute ago to let my client out after her coaching session, and a giant Hershey’s Kiss dropped down in front of me. No note or anything. And last week there was a gorgeous bouquet of flowers also in front of my office door, again with no note… Who IS this? Whoever you are, I’m liking your strategy! And thank you!

Not only do secret admirers leave a girl feeling like, well, a girl, and brings us back to grade school when we would fill up with excitement and suspense whenever we’d find a little note stuffed in our cubby from a secret crush or a Valentine Candy Gram from a mysterious boy who had a fancy for us. But it’s also a great way to make a girl feel special and excited all at the same time, while also firing off feelings of mystery and curiosity in her – all good things to begin a relationship with.

In fact, this is actually a GREAT technique if you are trying to court a woman who you have a crush on from afar that you have a high chance of running into again – say you’ve seen her work out at the gym before, or she lives in your apartment complex, she’s your neighbor or she works in your building – and you want to get her interested in you. So guys, listen up! If you know, or can find out, where her car is, office is or apartment or home is, (without going to creepy stalker status of course (well, just don’t get caught okay;) then start by doing exactly this… Leave an item like a single rose, a big chocolate Hershey’s Kiss or one of those giant fortune cookies, or something even more original… (no naked pictures of you or your penis please, and nothing dirty (we still have no idea why you think those are sexy! LOL), and just leave a single item like that two or three times, spaced out 1 or 2 weeks. No note, just leave it on her windshield, in her mailbox or outside her door where she’ll be sure to see it. This lets her BUILD up her curiosity and suspense… Then, after 3 or 4 items being left there… you can leave a note.

Now with the note, let the note be SHORT and sweet, and FUNNY if you can make it funny or witty, and then just sign it – “Your Secret Admirer,” or “Your Mystery Man,” or nothing at all. But if you leave some title, change it up for every note.

Continue doing this for a few more weeks – leave 3 or 4 notes, or as LONG as you can keep it going for. Be playful in your notes. Be a little cocky even if you can. If you’re too sappy or gushy or complimentary, it’ll come off as creepy or desperate. You do not want to come off as creepy or desperate; the goal is not to have her call the police on you or be waiting outside her door for you with a baseball bat so you get unsuspectingly pummeled – You want to come off as CREATIVE and refreshingly ORIGINAL and INTERESTING. …DIFFERENT. All good things that a woman wants.

So, just be patient and let the curiosity and anticipation in her build and build, till she’s practically about to burst because she’s so curious. When she finally leaves a note on her door that says something like “Who IS this??” (and if she’s interested, she will. Unless she has a boyfriend or husband or is a lesbian, 99% of the time, she WILL “play back” with you.) Write a note back that says, “C’mon. I’m not that easy ; )” Tease her a little more, and make her work for it! Don’t give yourself away so soon. I know its hard, but the longer you wait and build this suspense, the more bonded and attracted and close she’ll feel towards you and the more she’ll be building you up in her mind. You’re the spontaneous Man of Mystery to her right now, you’ve got a bunch of leverage – stay in this position as long as possible. Leave little clues about what you look like or who you are, but don’t give yourself away just yet. Then finally, you can say something like “If you want to find out who this is, let’s meet for a drink. Leave me your number or let me know if Thursday (or pick a night) at 8 at (Pick a nearby bar or restaurant) sounds good for a drink.” Then, make it happen!

Good luck, and let me know how it goes, you Cassanovas

Love, DeAnna

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Reader’s Dating Dilemma of the Week! NEW

Reader Dating Dilemma of the Week: Frustrations with Approaching Women!

Dear Ms. Lorraine,
I’m writing to you because I’m seriously upset and discouraged with the lack of results I’m getting with women and my failures in approaching women. I have been working on getting better at approaching women by trying to say hello to just about every woman I come across, even if their back is to me in some cases.
An incident today sent me over the edge and makes me just want to throw in the towel & just accept my fate of loneliness. So, as I was in line at a take-out place on my way home from work, I made eye contact with the woman that was last in line before she turned her back to me. As she turned her back, I said hello to her. She initially didn’t respond, so I said hello again. She then turned around and said hello.

As I waited in line, the woman in front of me was with the women being waited on at the cash register. During this time the woman waiting at the cash register and the woman in front of me began making eye contact but not saying anything. They began snickering, so I’m assuming it was about me. They had a small boy with them (he had sunglasses on), but I don’t think they were laughing at him.

This has really affected my confidence, and I was feeling pretty good up to that point. I’m depressed about it, and can’t seem to quit dwelling on the situation. Maybe I need wait on this approaching thing until I get in shape or something. I just feel bad about myself right now.

-Tom, 38

DeAnna’s Answer…

Dear Tom,

First of all, I’m really glad that you’ve been taking action on this problem and actively going out and talking to people. That’s where it all starts – with talking to EVERYONE, no matter who they are. As for as what happened, I’m sorry that you feel bad about that and you decided to let that get you down. But in actuality, I consider that a non-incident. First of all, you have no evidence that the lady was even snickering at you to begin with, so to come to that assumption with no evidence is hasty and false, and worse, to let that hasty conclusion with no merit to it bring your self-esteem down and halt the rest of your efforts – is ludicrous! Why are you giving this stranger that you don’t even know and you’ll never see again so much power to affect you?  Aren’t you more powerful and in control of your state you’re your confidence than that?  And aside from that, let’s just say she was in fact snickering at you, perhaps because you said hello twice to her when her back was turned to you, and perhaps she wasn’t in a mood for small-talking or what not…. do you really care? What about if you just laughed to yourself and found it funny instead, patting yourself on the back for trying something new and stepping outside your comfort zone, brushing it off and moving right along to someone else? The fact that you even talked to someone when you wouldn’t have before is an accomplishment; THAT’S what I want you to focus on, these small continuous accomplishments  -  NOT on the actual outcomes. Because there is NO such thing as ‘failure’ my friend –only feedback! You MUST remember this and live this out, because it’s true. LET GO of the outcome and whatever a woman’s reaction is and understand that you’re going to have a heck of a lot more of those along the way, but they’ll get fewer and fewer the more you do and the positive interactions will get  more and more frequent the more approaches you do. It’s called “LEARNING.”

Do you think if you learned to snowboard for the first time you might fall a few times before you could go down the hill? Ummm… yes. You fall DOZENS of times. Just like with EVERY single sport and EVERY new skill and thing that you learn and have ever learned! Did you ever fall a couple times when you first learned to, I don’t know, WALK? Didn’t you fall over a couple of times when you first learned to ride a bike? What would happen if the very first time you fell when learning to ride your bike, you threw a fit, got all depressed, kicked all your gear off and gave up on the whole damn sport simply because you fell once? You’d never learn for one. And for two, you have proven to yourself, time and time again, that your brain is fully capable of learning a new skill. All beings learn. Even clams and plants have a learning curve. The only reason why some people learn a new skill faster than others is because they practice more. That’s all it is.

That also explains why you see every day average looking or even downright unattractive men walking around with beautiful girlfriends or are able to what seems like ‘effortlessly’ approach and charm women. Believe me, they were not somehow born knowing how to do that. Well, most aren’t anyway. It’s only the result of a decision that they made that they wouldn’t let their appearances be a limitation for them anymore and, and the result of practice – doing it over and over again, each time learning from the ‘feedback’ they get and improving and improving each time till they can achieve their desired outcome nearly every time.

And do you think it would make any difference at all if you ‘waited till you were in better shape’ and then tried again a year later? No! because you still have to get through the learning phase regardless, no matter what kind of shape you’re in, and that will always take some falling down; that part’s inevitable and there’s no getting around that. One can never get from A to C without first crossing through B. But you CAN control your attitude through it and the way you deal with the inevitable fallings. If you just have fun with it and laugh when you fall down, learn from the feedback, and try it again you’re going to succeed, accelerate the process, and have a far more enjoyable and positive experience along the way, but if every time you fall you get all depressed and bent out of shape and let it affect your mood and confidence, you’re  going to make it a heck of a lot harder on yourself, you’ll slow down the process and you’ll have a negative & un-enjoyable experience along the way. So why make it harder on yourself David, why not just have fun with it and take each new encounter as another story for the books?

But In order to get over the initial hurt and ‘sting’ of being turned down, you have to face it head on and go through it a number of times, as each time  stings less and less until its completely gone and it doesn’t even phase you. Just like when you work out and use muscles that you haven’t in a while you get sore afterward, but after your muscles and body gets used to the routine, you’re no longer sore after your workout. Well this is the same exact thing! All you have to do is simply pass through this short little beginning stage and then you’re out on the other side – happy and confident, successful with women, and able to approach and attract women easily and effortlessly.

Don’t stop now at this little bump in the road when you’re doing so well, keep going ahead!!

And if you need more help, sign up for my Men’s 90-Day Coaching Plan and we’ll eliminate your approaching issue in less than a few weeks

~DeAnna

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DeAnna Decodes Men & Women’s Secret VALENTINES Language!

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12 Hidden Truths about Valentine’s Day EXPOSED: Mens VS. Womens Valentine’s Experience!

By Dating Coach DeAnna Lorraine

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Want to know what women and men are REALLY thinking, wishing and wanting when it comes to the big day?? Since I “hear it all”  from BOTH sexes, I’ve put together a handy survival guide that decodes common Valentine’s Day phrases and behaviors from girls and guys so you can really know what’s up this year and pass any hidden traps your with flying colors!

#1. It’s known to women as the ‘barometer’ of the relationship. Anything you do and say is a TEST and will reveal how you really feel about her and the relationship. Proceed cautiously and beware of danger traps!

#2. She’s secretly hoping that this is the time you will “prove” your true feelings to her. (Through grandiose romantic overtures, small black boxes with sparkly things inside, serenades and ridiculous displays of red roses.)

#3. It’s a major unspoken competition among women and their friends since the beginning of time – over who’s got the biggest rock, the prettiest roses, the most glamorous dinner, and most romantic (i.e. ‘generous’) boyfriend or husband. You’d better out-do Tony and Joe and make sure she WINS! If your girlfriend loses, YOU lose. And onto the sofa-bed you go.

(Side-note: She says, “Omigosh Sweetie, did you hear what Jessica’s boyfriend got her for Valentine’s?? How sweet!” = This is Code for: “Omigosh Sweetie, Did you see what you now have to do/buy for me so that I can do better than Jessica?? Listen up!”

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#4. She’s looking at how you sign the card – “From?” “Love” or “Best”? “Yours Truly?”  She IS waiting to rip the card open! Write wisely.

#5. She says, “Oh honey, whatever we do is fine. I’ll be happy with anything.” = A Trap! Don’t fall prey to this, oh naïve men.

Interpret as, “You’d better know me well enough to know exactly what I want and plan the most elaborate dinner and Valentine’s evening every or ELSE….” (“or else” = ‘rewards’ taken away.)

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#6. All girls secretly want jewelry on Valentine’s Day– period.

All men secretly want sex on Valentine’s Day – period.

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#7. Most women will hold off on dumping a guy till after Valentine’s Day so they can see can see what kind of a gift and dinner they get.

Most guys will dump a girl before Valentine’s Day so they won’t have to get them dinner or a gift.

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#8. Sorry, Ladies. Your man isn’t making a mad dash to the flower shop to show you how much he cares. The real reason he just dropped $400 on a dozen roses is because he enjoys the comfort of his bed and has no desire to sleep on the couch. They do it because they’re SCARED of what’s going to happen to them if they DON’T.

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#9. Woman receiving Jewelry = “He loves me. He cares!”

Man giving Jewelry = “I’m hoping I’ll get a 3-way tonight.”

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#10. The more expensive and ridiculous the display of roses, teddy bears, or flowers, and the more people are around to see it, the happier she’ll be. She wants to show off the biggest thing possible to as many people as possible.

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#11. Post-Valentine’s Day, Woman’s thoughts: “I wish Valentines Day was every day…”

Post-Valentine’s Day, Man’s thoughts: “I emptied my bank account on Valentine’s Day, and all I got was this lousy stuffed animal.”

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And Truth #12…   If you FORGET the V-day = Forget the V-Jay-Jay.

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The #1 Romance Resolution you need to make!

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The Most Important New Year’s Resolution for your Relationship!

The Most Important New Year’s Resolution you need to make that will Transform your Relationship this Year

Most people who know or follow me know that I am very open about my family life growing up, the divorces I went through as a child and my mother’s three marriages, and how all those events and experiences have cultivated my gift of understanding relationships and led me to create my career as a Dating & Relationship Coach.  My experiences have inspired many blogs and articles about how to create successful and lasting relationships and prevent relationship failure, and there will of course be many still to come. But if I can sum up all the factors that make the difference between a happy, healthy relationship that succeeds and lasts, and one that fizzles and fails, I would say that one of the biggest secrets by far is… ROMANCE. Making Romance a priority, and keeping it alive – amidst kids, careers, and no matter how crazy your lives and schedules are. Listen to me when I tell you to NEVER underestimate the significance and power of romance.

So, the MOST IMPORTANT New Year’s resolution I want you guys to make this year – and really stick to – is the resolution to put effort into the romance of your relationship. A relationship needs romance to not only survive, but to thrive. Romance is the fuel for the fire of your relationship!

Romance is what brought you guys together and what inspired you to marry. If your relationship is in trouble, is stagnating, or isn’t quite what it could be or what it used to be, then ask yourself how the romance is currently in your relationship…and the answer will dictate where the problem lies.

Putting effort into romance means dressing up frequently for your partner and putting EFFORT into your appearance. What do you look like when your partner comes home from work? Ask yourself honestly; have you let yourself go since marrying or committing to your partner? Have you put on weight, stopped dressing up or stopped putting effort into your hair or appearance? Have you gotten too comfortable with your partner; stopped shaving, putting face masks on in front of them, going to the bathroom in front of them?

You want your partner to roll over in the morning and look at you and be THANKFUL that they choose YOU, every…single… day! You don’t want them to think, “Geez, I didn’t expect her/him to look like THIS after a few years,” or have regrets because you look different than when you first married. Your partner was initially attracted to you because you looked a certain way. If you look different now than when you did when they first met you, then you can’t expect them to feel the same level of attraction towards you. If you’ve put on weight since the beginning of the relationship, make a commitment to start losing it and getting back into shape. Turn back into the woman (or man) that they first fell in love with!

Putting effort into romance means creating excitement and stimulation in the relationship! It can be so easy to slip into a routine and fall into predictability. So it is your RESPONSIBILITY to keep the relationship EXCITING for both of you. What are you currently doing to create excitement?

SURPRISE your partner with random gifts and notes and things, such as leaving a random rose on their windshield before they leave for work, or put chocolate kisses in their pocket or purse. Create anticipation and sexual tension by exchanging sexy test messages or emails throughout the day. Greet your partner in high-heels and lingerie and their favorite beverage when they arrive home. Create and act out fantasies with your partner. Try having sex in a position or a new place other than your bed for Pete’s sake.

A relationship needs ongoing sexual stimulation in order to sustain the attraction, and men especially need a high level of novelty and fantasy in their relationship or else their attraction begins to fade with their wife or girlfriend and their eyes start looking elsewhere. So ladies, it is especially crucial that you constantly maintain this and keep them stimulated! If you don’t put effort into keeping things fresh and novel, you are likely to drift into feeling like you’re roommates rather than lovers.

Putting effort into the romance also means making TIME for the romance and making it a priority. Let me make a correction, I mean making it one of your very TOP priorities, right up there with finances and children… Not one that you shuffle down to the bottom of the list whenever something else pops up. You NEED to make your romance a necessity, a priority.

You can’t expect a flower to live and grow unless you nurture and care for it every day. You have to nurture your romance every day – not just when you have time, or once a week. No matter how busy you get, spend at least 30 minutes a day connecting alone. If that means closing th3e bedroom doors when the kids are home, do it. Kiss your partner – like you mean it – at least once a day. Better yet, put aside at least 10 minutes of ‘Make-Out Time’ every day, and stick to it. Don’t go through the day without looking in your partners eyes and genuinely connecting. Really think about who that person is that you’re looking at, and why you love them so much. Who is this person that you’re living with? Who is this person that’s such a big part of your life? You need to remind yourself and each other each day why you chose each other and why you love each other or your connection will gradually begin fading and you’ll wake up one day and feel like you’re living with a stranger. Connect and feel your partner’s energy every day.

So please, if there’s one New Year’s resolution that you make and stick to this year of 2010, please, please make me happy and let me sleep at night by making a solemn promise to make romance a priority in your relationship or marriage. Make the resolution to put daily effort into the romance of your relationship this year – no excuses. And by the end of next year, I want you to report back to me and tell me what happens. I guarantee you will have a transformed relationship and you will be thanking me – and yourself- for doing it!

**Need any help, Coaching or Ideas for rejuvenating the romance and novelty in your relationship or marriage? Contact me to inquire about my custom Relationship or Marriage Coaching for couples, or better yet sign up for my 2-Day Relationship Breakthrough Sessions which are designed to transform, strengthen and Rejuvenate your relationship or marriage or SAVE a relationship that’s in trouble or stagnating!

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