Ah, It’s another New Year. The New Year’s theme of personal growth and positive change is back around again. You may have done things this past year in your dating life that just didn’t work. You probably made some mistakes that you don’t want to repeat. But this year, decide to let THIS be the year you finally change and succeed! Based on lessons from clients and things I’ve found to be the biggest reasons for singles getting stuck in a dating rut and not finding success in their dating life, I’ve compiled a list of 10 essential resolutions for you to make in your dating life that if you truly stick to them and live out, will make a dramatic difference in your dating life and rapidly accelerate your search for finding and attracting The One. So make these resolutions this year; I want this to be the year that you fall in love!

1. Get ACTIVE. Put yourself OUT there. Stop making excuses for yourself to not truly put yourself out there. Just like anything that you’ve gotten in your life, getting the relationship you want or an active dating life takes you getting out of your house, going OUT there, and putting time, effort and commitment into it every week, a little bit a day. So starting NOW (not tomorrow!), get off your butt – and head to places that put you in exposure to the opposite sex.

1. Change your Mindset. Make Dating FUN! Stop focusing on all the lack of available men, women and opportunities there are and start focusing on all the abundance of great singles there are – and you’ll get more of it. Don’t dwell on how frustrating dating is or thinking of dating like some a chore and think of dating as a fun adventure, where anything can happen along the way. Relax and enjoy the journey, start doing things you enjoy and it will BE more enjoyable for you.
   

1. Develop and execute a “Dating Strategy Plan” for attracting your ideal relationship. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Never is that saying more applicable – yet underused – than in your dating life. Would you start your own business without a Business Plan? Would you travel across the country without a Roadmap? What does YOUR Relationship Attraction Plan look like?  Based on your requirements for what you’re looking for in a partner, map out specifically where you will go, what you will do and when you will go to find and meet people that fit those criteria. What groups or clubs or activities will you sign up for? What places, events or venues will you go to during the week, and when? Map it out, create an actual plan and schedule for your weeks, and print it out and hang it up where you will see it every day.

1. Decide what you want, make a list, and stick to it! Stop dating blindly. Don’t waste more than 3 dates on people that don’t fit your criteria. At this point, if you’re serious about finding “The One,” and you’re sick of dilly-dallying around, you need to figure out exactly what you want – as well as what you don’t want. What are your “Must-Have” criteria and requirements? What are your “Deal-Breakers?” You need to have more than just a flimsy mental list, take some time and write them out and make a list of at least 10 of these non-negotiable criteria for what you must have and won’t settle for. Then make a commitment to use these lists as your barometer that you compare all your dates to. Find out if they meet those requirements within the first 3 dates, and do not continue dating them past 3 dates if they don’t – no matter how hot, rich, or sexy they are!

1. Practice ASSERTIVENESS. How are you going to get what you want if you don’t know how to ask for it? Make a commitment to state your requests, stop expecting people to read your mind or instinctively know what you want. Ask for what you want – with people you’re dating, in the bedroom, and in life.

1. If you want a great partner, BECOME a great partner. You can’t expect to find and attract someone who has all these qualities that you personally do not have. In order to find the perfect partner for you, you need to make sure you have all the qualities yourself that you’re looking for in a partner and are living the life that you want, or are actively working towards it.

1. Be the “CHOOSER.“ Stop getting into relationships just because someone wants you really bad or aggressively pursues you. it can be very flattering when someone wants us and pursues us, but if you’re not really feeling them or they don’t meet your criteria, remember that you have the ultimate choice and YOU need to be the choose them. Just because someone chooses you doesn’t mean you have to choose them.

1. Flirt shamelessly til the cows come home! If you want to rapidly open the floodgates and fill your pipeline up with a continuous flow of prospects, you need to master the art of flirting. Become a master at flirting, Flirt often and everywhere. Smile whenever you talk to people, make lots of eye contact and be playful and teasing.

1. Master your First Impression. First impressions MATTER. Within the first 3 seconds of a new encounter…we are judged and evaluated, and you make an indelible impression. Depending on your physical appearance and attire, will either intrigue and attract someone, or turn them off. So if 3 seconds can determine your fate on a date, and can make or break your opportunity with someone…wouldn’t it make sense to do everything you can to control YOUR first impression, and make sure that it’s the best impression possible. You never know who you will meet and when, so dress like you’re about to meet the love of your life every date and put your best face forward. Don’t cut corners. Paying attention to the details of your first impression – like having a clean car, ironing your clothes, spritzing on fragrance or doing your make-up at home rather than rushing in the car on your way over there – will pay off.

1. Stop settling for the “BTN” Guy or Girl. You know, the “Better Than Nothing” relationship. everyone gets lonely from time to time when they’re single, but stop getting into relationships or dating people that you know are below your criteria or aren’t right for you just because they’re better than being alone. It may seem like a short-term fix for you but its far worse in the long run and ends up wasting far more time and emotional energy, and it will cause you more pain than good.

Let me know how it goes, and good luck out there!

In Love & Success,

DeAnna xo

DeAnna Lorraine is an internationally-recognized and san diego dating coach and dating expert.