10 Ways to “Resurrect” the Romance & Passion in your Relationship!

Did you know that this week, August 14th – 21st is “National Resurrect Romance Week?” I know, one of those random and little-known holidays that I happen to know of. But yes it is, and that means this whole week is dedicated to spending time & attention on your partner to revive the romance and passion in your relationship. Keeping the romance and passion hot in your relationship is an absolutely necessary ingredient to make a relationship last, especially through the inevitable rough patches and conflicts that your marriage or relationship will endure. Without romance & passion… You’re just roommates or friends, not lovers. So here are some tips I put together for reviving the romance and passion in YOUR relationship – start these today!

Never Stop Dressing Up and Looking Hot for each other!

It was your initial attraction that brought you and your lover together. So it only makes sense to keep up the same appearance that first attracted your partner. This is a mistake that so many men & women make, but especially women; they figure that once they’ve got him, they are free to “let themselves go,” and still be loved unconditionally by their mate. But you have to put effort into staying attractive and sexy in your lover’s eyes, to ensure his eyes stay only on you, for the long haul. Don’t let the only outfit he sees you in be your old sweats and T-shirts; Dress up at least once or twice a week in heels and a hot dress, make-up and hair done and all. Men are very visual beings and place a high value on a woman’s physical appearance, so dressing up, staying in shape and looking great for your hubby on a regular basis will serve as a constant reminder of why he chose you and that you’re still the knock-out you were when he first laid eyes on you!

Have and Keep a Regular “Date Night.”

When you have children it can be easy to fall into the trap of letting your marriage and romance take a back seat. Don’t make this mistake! If there’s anything we can learn from the Obamas it’s the necessity of having “Date Night” – and if they can do it, I think everyone can. Set aside 1 evening a week to go on date with your partner; and make a commitment to stick to it no matter what, as if it were any other important appointment. It doesn’t matter so much were you go, or that you even have to spend any money, but it’s important that it’s at least 3 hours, uninterrupted, and alone. You need this time to re-connect with your lover roles as Husband and Wife in the midst of hectic schedules, kids, and crazy work weeks. It allows you to maintain that connection and not lose each other in the madness. To make it easier to stick to your dates, have a regular babysitting arrangement in place, and never cut down on your date nights even if finances are tight due to worry over babysitting costs. There’s always creative and affordable options you can look into. Believe me, the cost of a divorce or failed relationship is far worse than paying a babysitter a couple hours a week.

Keep things Spontaneous with Unexpected Surprises

Surprises keep things fun, fresh and exciting, and make the receiver feel special and brings back those exciting feelings you had for each other when you were first starting out. Surprise your lover by leaving occasional sweet or sexy notes in his or her shoe or the pants pocket of the pants he’s going to wear to work, or leave a note and a rose on their dashboard. Some of the most stimulating foreplay can be had through technology by sending spontaneously sexy texts messages and emails at unexpected times throughout your partner’s work day or when you are apart and builds crazy anticipation! When he comes home from work, occasionally surprise him by greeting him with high heels, hot new lingerie and his favorite ice cold beer. Don’t fall into a predictable routine; always find creative ways to surprise each other and spice things up

Commit to Trying 1 New Thing a Month Together.

In a relationship or marriage, you are either growing together… or growing apart. In order to ensure you continue growing upwards together, make a commitment to do or try one new thing together as a couple each month; whether it’s trying a new exotic food, learning a new foreign language, Salsa Dancing, Sky-diving, or simply a new restaurant, the novelty and excitement of trying new things together will tighten your bond and create lots of fond shared memories, not to mention keep your libido hot – whenever you try something new, your brains produce loads of dopamine, that chemical that gives you that feel-good rush, which serves as a total aphrodisiac.

Have Regular “Movie Make-out” Time!

Remember when you were younger and the only time you could sneak alone with your flame was in the movie theatre? And how exactly did you spend that time in there? Yeah… that’s right. Give your romance that spicy, youthful feel again by setting aside regular “Movie Make-out Session” time. Most couples who have been in relationships for years stop kissing and making out beyond sex and the bedroom. But don’t undermine this intimate act of expression. Commit to having a 15-minute “make-out session” at least every 48 hours. But beyond that rule, leave it ambiguous with no set time, as half the fun is not knowing when you’re partner will throw your head back and start going at it, or take turns initiating it when (and where!) the other least expects it.

Keep the Compliments Coming

Don’t ever stop giving compliments to each other and showing your appreciation to your partner. And if it’s been a while, start them back up again. When he’s about to leave for work dressed in a new shirt and tie, tell him how unbelievably hot he is. When she is all dolled up in a new dress and heels, tell her how sexy she is. When he does something to drive you wild in bed, make sure you tell him what a stud he is. When you continue to make each other feel sexy, you’ll be that much more turned on by each other and your newly enhanced confidence will be quite a libido-booster.

Take Frequent Trips Together.

Make it a priority to schedule frequent trips and getaways with just the two of you or another couple, and leave the kids at home! Of course you’ll take family trips too, but you need “Adults Only” getaways as well. Whether it’s just a random overnighter, a road-trip or a week-long vacation, it’s essential to have that intimate alone time for more than just a few hours so you actually get a chance to give your brains a break, unplug, and just be present with each other without the stressors of home -  not to mention that going to new places together on a regular basis will continue to create that shared excitement and experiences that are so important keeping that spark lit for life.

Do the Deed in at Least 1 New Place a Month.

As much as we all hate to admit it, sex can get stale after a while with the same partner, no matter how much you love each other. Ask yourself when the last new position you’ve tried was or the last time you’ve had sex outside the bedroom? Make a pact with your partner to have sex in at least 1 new place outside the bedroom every month. At least. And no repeats! This will force you to be creative. Then keep a rolling list together of all the new places you’ve “christened” as if they were gold medals.

Keep things Fun with Fantasy Games.

Playing occasional fantasy games with your partner like Dress-up and Role-Play is a fantastic way to keep the thrill and novelty alive in the relationship. Here’s one idea: Make a “Blind Date” with your partner at a designated time and place as if you hadn’t met before (I would even recommend using different names for extra fun). Get ready separately and meet each other there separately. Then, wait at the bar dressed to the nines in a killer outfit, and have your man “pick you up” like it’s the first time you’ve met. Stay in character the rest of the night as he persists to charm and seduce you. Incorporating role play and dress up in bed is a lot fun – share some fantasies that you both would enjoy playing out.

Renew your Vows!

You can renew your vows whenever you want and there is no limit on how many times you do so. It’s a beautiful way to recapture your wedding day and those feelings you had on it, and each time you do it you’ll feel a renewed sense of commitment and excitement for each other! Maybe you’ve traveled to a beautiful place together or you’ve shared an amazing day or experience you don’t want to forget; or maybe the next time you’re in Vegas you want to know what it feels like to “elope” in secret in a little casino chapel; So why not do it! What a great way to lock in those memories, keep things fresh and renew your love for each other at the same time.

Have fun & enjoy each other! Let me know how it goes   xo, DeAnna

I love hearing your Comments! Leave your Comments, Questions & Thoughts on this Post below!

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Deanna Lorraine is a san diego dating coach and dating expert

The Bachelorette Recap in Dating Do’s & Dont’s!

Episode 6

1. Justin and his Two-Timing: Wow… I don’t even think the word “Tool” with a capitol “T” could sum up this poor excuse for a man. We discovered that he got on the show with a big scheme of going on the show purely for the purpose of “becoming famous,” and once he made it to the ‘top 3,’ he was planning on ditching Ali – and running off and marrying his girlfriend – yes, girlfriend, of two years! And then if that wasn’t bad enough…it turns out he has had another girlfriend too! Wow, this is karma at its greatest. Let this be a lesson to everyone that what goes around really does come around. And relationship karma, especially, is quite the bitch. Another lesson here: Women TALK. You never want to mess with a woman scorned. Women will do whatever it takes to make sure that no other woman will touch you with a 10-foot pole – and Ali made sure of this, by calling him out and giving it to him on national TV. Nice work Ali!

1. Craig’s Fun but “Friend”-ly Date: With Craig’s one-on-one date with Ali, they had a nice time and went to some romantic spots, and even watched a fireworks display from the rooftop of their boat cruise. Everything was set up to BE romantic… Yet … there was no actual sparks. Every time they shot Ali and Craig together, they were having pleasant conversations and he was making her laugh, often even putting his arms around her and holding her, but it seemed like every time he was about to go in for a kiss or when there was definitely an opportunity to… he chickened out and gave her a cheek hug instead. Whether it was nerves or lack of confidence or know-how, he didn’t just execute, didn’t just GO in for it. And when guys just stick in that PG zone of putting their arm around you, hugging you and holding you, but never just confidently put the romantic moves on and kick it up a notch, guess what… She’s going to only think of you as a kind of guy she could hug and laugh with, but not kiss. Thus… into the Friend Zone you get placed. So it was no surprise to me that out of all the guys remaining, Ali chose to let Craig go in the rose ceremony; and her reason? “The romance is just not there.” And her words, were the romantic kiss of death… “He’s a great guy. He’s so funny, so sweet…” Words that you don’t want to hear as a man!

1. Roberto’s Ever-Comforting Moves: When Ali stormed into the men’s hotel suite fuming and in tears (I literally thought I saw traces of steam coming out of her ears), calling out Justin to the group, Roberto offered great support by putting his big strong arms around her and comforting her, letting her know that “It’s Okay, everything’s going to be fine.”  You could tell she seemed to calm down a bit after that and she appreciated the comforting touch. Lesson learned here: ALL women appreciate that! Props to Roberto again, for seizing an opportunity to act like the Man and show her that he can be her rock. The other guys just sat there in stupor. But who is she going to remember most in the situation? The guy who made her feel safe and supported. Men, grab as many opportunities as possible to show a woman that you can BE there for her, and she will feel safe and good around you… and you WILL end up being there for her, in the end.

1. Frank  Lugging his Rug: As Frank and Ali were shopping around in the Bazarre in Turkey, they found themselves in a little rug store and got cornered by an aggressive Turkish man trying to sell him a rug. Frank kept on repeating over and over again to the camera that he wasn’t going to buy this rug, that he had no need for a rug, and there was no way he was going to carry that around for the rest of the date. …But alas, the next scene that follows shows poor Frank walking away carrying this 10-foot rug on his shoulders. Note to men – don’t get suckered into something that you don’t want to do or buy in front of your girl. We’ll begin to wonder where your backbone is. On the flip side though, Frank did do a great job in his date of being lots of fun and high-energy, upbeat, and spontaneous. He always held her close and kissed her a lot, grabbed her hand tight and led her through the crowds, and treated her like she was already his girlfriend, which is what helps a woman actually associate you with being her boyfriend and what will likely pull him ahead of the competition.

1. Ali’s Fighting Faux Pas: On the group date with the 6 guys, after the poor guys had already spent the whole day on their feet touring historical sites of Istanbul, Ali informed them that she was taking them to a ‘Big Surprise.’ And as it turned out… this “big surprise” was a group of 6 oiled and shirtless Turkish men, or, professional “Olive-Oil Wrestlers,” waiting to oil-wrestle the guys, on the ground in the freezing cold. Talk about a buzz-kill! Then after the guys got crushed by these professional men who were no match for them, she announced that they now had to fight – each other! I’m sorry, but that just wasn’t a very cool girl move, I don’t care who you are. It’s enough that these men have to fight for her and woo her every day on national television, and jump through hoops for her every episode, but then to have to physically fight for her after a long day of sightseeing and then fight their own buddies, who they’ve grown to be their comrades? I thought that was a little cruel and unusual. If you give men enough of a prize, they will fight for you anyway and will want to do it on their own merit, but if you force a guy to fight for you, that may very likely only create resentment in him and have the opposite effect. Boo.

Tune into my Talk Radio Show this Thursday (and every Thursday) at 4:30-5:30pm PST, Cutting Edge Dating, on Blog Talk Radio. Today we’ll have special guest and host of“Cheaters” Joey Greco. As the host of the nationally syndicated reality show “Cheaters”® since 2002, Joey Greco helps Cheaters® clients cope with infidelity in their relationships. Greco’s stern but soothing on-camera style has helped numerous individuals deal with heartbreak from unfaithfulness and find closure from meaningless or abusive relationships.

Tune in to the radio show or better yet, CALL in (646) 716-9631 and add your two cents, rants or raves about the special guest or topic at hand, or ask a question for either of us about anything we’ve been talking about. Don’t be shy & Hold back nothing, we love to hear you stir up the pot! Tune in by listening to the show here (click on the logo below): Then bookmark it!