The 3 BIGGEST Online Dating & Texting MISTAKES

You’re probably making that are getting you to get turned down & passed UP fast, unbeknown to you!

Yes, we don’t just judge you by your appearance these days. We can most certainly decide whether we want to continue dating you or not just based on your text messages and emails – and men and women both often get turned off before you even make it to the 1st date! So check out these 3 common but fatal faux-pas so you can avoid being ‘Next-ed’ by your next text. : )

1. Writing too LONG Of emails & responses.

When someone texts or emails you, or asks you a question, answer them in the most concise way possible that you can get the message across. Pretend this is Twitter and you only have 140 characters or less to expend. When you start sending 2 or 3 page texts, or writing novels in an email response, it really starts encroaching the lines of desperation. When you ramble on like that, it also may sound like you have a lot of time on your hands – which is not necessarily a turn-on. There’s no need for a novel – if you have that much to say, there should be a phone conversation or save the information till you see them in person.

So when you send long messages, it can not only come across a little desperate but also, you risk leaving nothing to the imagination, and nothing to motivate the other person to want to learn MORE about you and ask you out. When you’re in the texting or emailing mode still, the goal is to get the other person to ask you out, or to entice the other person enough to go out with you. You want to entice them to want to learn more about you. So reveal only just a LITTLE bit at a time. The element of mystery is very important in the early dating stages, so retain your mystery – even when dating online and texting. Don’t put ‘all your cards on the table’ at once, just like in off-line dating. Don’t reveal too much too soon, and “email flirt” and “flirt-text” appropriately. And no “sext” on the first date!

2. Going Emoticon-Happy: Using too many EMOTICONS & Punctuation: Oh geez, this is a problem I see all the time. I see what would normally be a perfectly good email or text, but that’s been littered with exclamation marks and smiley faces, numeric tounges wagging and winky faces. No bueno. Go very light and EASY on the punctuation marks and emoticons. One punctuation mark is sufficient in a conversation (especially don’t do the !!!! and ?????) I get it. Don not overuse smiley faces, winky faces, or other emoticons either, as well as the ‘LOL’ and HAHA.’

Number 1, using lots of emoticons, aka, expressing your emotion (or psuedo-emotions) over text or email, comes across desperate and over-eager. Are you really THAT excited to hang out? Do you have a life? Was my joke really THAT funny that you have to say, LMAO!!!;)  Calm down… Remember mystery is key and you need to retain your mystery and aloofness just as much while over texting, emailing and Online Dating as you do in person. And if you’re a male, you should definitely stay away from emoticons and over-punctuation even more so, because it can look very feminine. We girls are used to talking like that with our girlfriends, but a guy saying,  “Sounds good Sweetie! Can’t wait to see you!! ” just doesn’t sound right. The general rule of thumb should be: Thou shall not emoticon unless thy recipient has emoticon’ed first, (and then only express about half of the emotions and enthusiasm of theirs – do not match theirs or exceed).

And lastly, many normal, straight guys are turned off by emoticons and feel awkward sending emoticons and punctuation, because, well, they tend to be “anti” things that are too ‘cute’ or they may feel that their manhood may be questioned. And rightfully so. Remember, this is the same species that doesn’t like expressing their emotions ANYWAY, and take pains to keep them under wraps in general, so why then would you expect them to put it right out there in an alpha-numeric-digital format for the world to see? And aside from that, many guys don’t even know what many emoticons mean (is :p a silly face or an invitation to a lewd sexual act? God forbid they get that confused!) not to mention how to make them with which numbers and what letters.

3. Sounding Negative or Boring in texts or emails.

We really don’t know you yet at all, so we decide whether you’re going to ‘make the cut’ or not by the sound of your ‘voice’ in your messages – so show some personality, will you! Avoid sounding like a dull dud or a bore in your messages. Be funny, engaging, playful, witty. Don’t come across as flat, or worse, negative or depressing in your messages. We want to engage with people who are upbeat, who make us laugh, or give us a positive mental image and association. That makes us want to contact you again and feel warm and fuzzy when you contact us. Remember this, because it’s so important that I repeat it all the time with my clients – our mind thinks in PICTURES. Every time you communicate with someone, that person creates a PICTURE in their head and a FEELING gets created along with it, that is created based on the words that YOU use. This goes for verbal communication, written communication, emails, ALL communication.

So using that fact in mind, think carefully about the words you choose in your messages and communication to the person you’re trying to attract, and make sure that they are creating an image of someone who is fun, positive, interesting, and desirable to be around. If you come across gloomy or cynical, have negative undertones or sound boring as hell, guess what – they’re going to forget you faster than you can say, “Next!”

~DeAnna